I love you Luke Hemmings.

Chapter 1

“So Carmen, how was school?” My foster mom asked me as we were sitting at the dinner table waiting for my foster dad.

 Hi I’m Carmen Johnson and this is my life. I’m sixteen years old and my parents died two and also four years ago. It’s crazy, believe me I know! It was all a blur to me, every time I talked about their death. I hate saying it but for mum, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have been mucking around in the back seat with my brother William.

We were playing this stupid game that made us argue to the point where I was screaming. My mom tried to stop us and lost control of the wheel in car and we ended up driving straight into a speeding truck.

All I could see was light, just light and hearing screaming. Two days later I woke up in the hospital from a coma with horrible news and my brother managed to crack his head open. At the age of nine years old now, he’s okay, well at least not mentally. We’re both still pretty pained about the experience. My dad died two years before mom did, he had a brain tumour. Could my family get any worse?

“It was fine.” I respond softly, taking a sip of my water while looking down at my food feeling nauseous. I don’t know why I wasn’t feeling well. My mother gives me a look of confusion and begins to speak.

“Well, I’m sorry but I would like to know how it really was? I’m making an effort here to raise you right and here you are being a dismissive teenager.” She cut into her steak looking frustrated. And wipes her hair out of her face.

“I’m sorry mom, I guess you could say my day consisted of long classes, boring teachers, embarrassment and lots of work.” I said with attitude and then cut into my steak.

“Finally I get something out of this girl!” Mom cheers to Will. He rolls his eyes. I place my fork and knife on my plate and stand up.

“Well, thanks for the steak.” I say rubbing my stomach and begin to get that awful feeling back in my tummy. I hurl. “Oh shit.”

“Darling what’s wrong?” Mom gets up and comes over to me feeling my head and cups my cheeks.

“You poor thing, are you feeling okay?” I nod and fake a smile while holding my plate.

 “C’mon, do you need a hot water bottle and some pain killers? Your period must be coming.” She whispers as she guides me to the kitchen sink. I gasp.

“Mom! Do you have to say it so loud?” I say dropping my dishes in the sink. “Well honey I need to know these things! I’m your mom now okay? And I’ve always wanted a daughter to take care of and look after. Sweaty…please? Talk to me. I’m here for you” She gestures a hug. I take it and engulf my mom into my arms.

“I know I’m not the same as your real mom but baby I’ll do anything to keep you safe and sound. You’re a strong, independent young girl.” She takes a strand of my hair and tucks it behind my ear. “Now do you need a tampon?” She asks with a cheeky grin. I groan and run out of the kitchen.

“So Carmen is that a yes?” I hear her from down the hall. I run back to the kitchen door and smile.

“U by Kotex, it’s my favourite. But if there isn’t any in stock I like Libra! I enjoy reading the facts! Did you birth control pills work on gorillas?” I say turning the corner and run to my bedroom giggling. I guess you could say I have the best foster mom in the world.

At the moment I’m still settling in to my new place, I know it’s almost been two years but it’s still so hard to get used to living a different life now with a different family, except for my brother Will.

I open up my apple mac and log on to my blog ‘Carmen’s Corner’, to be honest it’s pretty lame but it’s where I get to write about my feelings and the odd things that happen in my life.

 ‘So today has been a fun day, I guess. Dropping my books at school and the sheet’s go everywhere, in my creative writing class I was missing one of the pages and all my pages were in the wrong order and the whole class started laughing at me, even Chloe, my best friend. I slipped in the cafeteria and spilt my lunch on Emily Waters, the most popular girl in school and she flipped it at me. I hate being the stupid awkward girl who always messes everything up. To Emily Waters, I’d like to say again for the 100th time that I’m truly sorry for spilling my food on you and embarrassing you in front of the entire student body, it was a complete misunderstanding and I hope to not ever embarrass you again. – Carmen J.

It’s still weird though how can my life be such a total mess? I need to do something about it instead of sit here and type away my problems, any suggestions? Please comment below  J  AND OMG he looked at me today in class!! #burstingforjoy #whyamisostupid’

“And post.” I hit enter, waiting for viewers to read my daily rant and of course Warren Samuel’s being high school’s electronic super geek is the first viewer. He’s always the first. He’s kind of creepy at school but you learn to get use to him. He’s always one to give me some advice.

‘Some advice for you Carmen: 1. Stop apologising! The girl needed that flush of embarrassment as she embarrasses everyone daily! 2. In class today you’re speech may have been hilarious to hear but you’re an amazing writer so we all could agree that it was just a tough day for you. And lastly 3. Stop mooning over the guy and start talking to him, you never know he might like you back ;) – Warren’ 

So this is awkward, could Warren be proposing that he likes me? This cannot be happening.

‘Thanks Warren, I really appreciate it J’ I reply and get up to lie down on my bed.  Just looking at the ceiling makes me think so much. So here’s the thing I really like this guy Luke, but he really doesn’t like me. Well he actually doesn’t know I like him. I laugh inside my head.

Emily and Luke have been together for two years already and I’ve had to watch them kiss and be romantic. I just don’t know what he sees in her. She’s kind of a bitch to him most of the time but then out of nowhere she’s snogging on Luke’s face, my Luke’s face! “Ugh! His face is so gorgeous!” I yelp.

“Who’s face are you talking about?” My mom appears in my door where, scaring the shit out of me. I freak out and she laughs. I feel so embarrassed. “Is it Luke?” she asks and joins me on my bed. I cover my face with my pillow. “No! w-why would it be Luke? I-I was talking about Zac Efron!” I stutter into my pillow. “Baby  I know Zac Efron is extremely hot but I know you’re talking about Luke. I hear you sleep talk hun…” She gets up and walks out, closing the door.

I remove the pillow from my face and sigh. “I sleep talk...Well shit.” I hear a ding on my laptop and immediately get up to see the notification.