Damaged ♡ Lashton ✔

Chapter 8

"Hey, Ash?" We're cuddled up on the couch together after eating our pizza, my head on his chest and my hand resting on his stomach while he holds me cradled in his arms, playing with my hair.

"Yeah, baby?" I'm quiet for a moment as I watch my hand draw random patterns on his torso, trying to figure out how to speak my mind. This never used to be an issue for me – I'd just say what I needed to say, then deal with sorting it out after – but after Louis, I have a tendency to over think everything, usually ending up talking myself out of things I really want for fear of verbalizing them. "Luke? You okay?" he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head. I nod and press myself closer to him, avoiding eye contact.

"I was thinking about something you said last weekend..."

"And what is that, love?" I bite my lip and take a deep breath.

"When you told me we don't have to have any dynamic or anything like that, and how it isn't a deal breaker for you." He hums in confirmation, still playing with my hair. "I don't want that," I whisper quietly and his hands pause briefly before continuing again.

"What do you want, Princess?"

"I want you to be my Dom... I don't want a full blown 24/7 thing – I don't think I'll ever be ready to go through that again to be honest – but I do want to have a dynamic of some sort. The thought of having a strictly vanilla relationship just feels... I don't know, weird to me. I crave the rules, the structure... everything." Ash is quiet for a few moments, but his hands haven't ceased their movements so I know he's still at least somewhat present. I risk a glance up at him and see him looking down at me, his lip between his teeth.

"What kind of rules are we talking here? Strictly in the bedroom, like you need permission to come? Or day to day rules, like set schedules, having to check in with me at certain times, etc?"

"Both, I guess?" It comes out as more of a question and I drop my eyes back to where my hand is resting.

"You realize that day to day rules generally tie in with a full time dynamic, right?" I nod slowly in response. "So... you do want a full time dynamic, or you don't want that? I'm fine with a certain level of full time, but I do have a line. I'm not a Master – to be honest, I'd classify myself as more of a top with kinks," he chuckles quietly.

"What's the line for you?"

"Well... I don't want complete control of your life. You are your own person, I don't own you. I want you to have friends, hobbies, your own financial control. I don't want you to feel like you need me, you know? I want you to know you're okay on your own, too. Any title we agree upon I'd want to be used pretty much just in the bedroom; in public or with family and friends, I just want to be Ash. I'm good with having rules along with punishments and rewards, but I do have my own reds that are non-negotiable which we can discuss if this is something you'd like to do with me."

"I want to know," I whisper after a moment of brief contemplation. He nods slowly and kisses the top of my head.

"If you'd like, I have a list of rules I had in my last relationship that I can show you? We can modify it in any way to fit our relationship, but it could give you an idea of what kind of Dom I am and what my expectations would be."

I glance up at him and nod, smiling as he kisses my forehead. He gently pulls away from me and walks out of the room to get the list so I pull my feet up on the couch and wrap my arms around my legs while I wait. When I hear him walk back in, he's carrying a couple pieces of paper and a pen. He sits back down beside me and clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck almost nervously.

"So, like I said, we can modify and adjust anything on here, but it does go into my limits which I think is important for you to know."

After I nod in understanding he glances down at the papers for a moment before handing them over to me. Based on how he's acting, I'm a little nervous to be quite honest. It's almost like he's worried about how I'll react, so my mind immediately goes to sadism and masochism which makes my stomach flip in an unpleasant way. Some pain can be pleasurable, but for the most part I can't stand it. I read the title on the page and glance up at him in slight confusion to see a light blush on his cheeks.