Tying Loose Ends || A Proxy Fanfic

9 - Ambivalence

Ambivalence

Simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (such as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action

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I stared at the ceiling. Blinding light shun through my windows creating a beautiful glow throughout my room. On the walls you could see the shadows of the forest leaves. With my window partially open I was able to hear the birds singing their morning tunes.

It had been a restless night. My head kept screaming but nothing I could make sense of. It was just loads of imaginary static going through my brain.

I surprised myself. Killing a man didn't end up affecting me as much as I thought it would, apart from the initial shock of course. Once the initial shock passed I was intrigued, mostly by how quick and easy it was to kill him. I'm still feeling uneasy though. This was just the first murder of many I'll have to commit and I feel like it's going to be heavy on the heart.

My room was still mostly empty. The laptop was still on my desk although it wouldn't switch on regardless of how many times I pressed the power button. My clothes were still in the corner. I wasn't planning on switching back to them any time soon. I've taken a liking to the design of this hoodie.

The only special item left in this room is the diary I left on the bedside drawer. I picked it up and flipped past the first few pages. A few entries in I started reading.

It's been 2 days of walking through the woods. It's really nerve wrecking to walk here on my own on my first ever mission. I've been tasked to kill a boy who's 17 years old. Apparently his praying has caught the attention of my master and he wants him gone.

I succeeded. He's taken care off. It was relatively easy since he was the only one home but you never know who's listening.

Two more days before I'll be back at the mansion. I've been hearing a lot of cars drive by on this supposedly abandoned road I've been told to follow.

They were looking for me. The cars belonged to the police. They found me when I went to check out what was going on on the road but I managed to shake them off.

They followed me to the mansion. They were purposefully staying hidden and I didn't see them following me. When they raided the mansion I was with 5 other proxies. Two were subdued and arrested, one got killed in the standoff. I escaped with the two others. They haven't talked to me since we ran.

Slender found us. He said he'll get everything sorted and get us a new home. He also said that the two who were arrested were not coming back. He must have killed them. There is no way he'd leave them there to be questioned and give away information about the rest of us.

I turned the page and stopped there. The next page was completely stained with dried blood. It covered all the text that was left unread. Two full pages ironically got lost to this tragedy.

Note to self, don't give away the position of the mansion. Dang I jinxed it.

The paper of this booklet is getting a bit old but I guess I can still use it. Maybe I should start writing down whatever's going through my head. Maybe it'll help clear my thoughts for a moment.