This is definitely my earliest memory of an intrusive thought. I didn't realize it at the time but reflecting back a few years later I realized how bad it was. So here's how it goes.
I used to ride my bike around the neighborhood I live in and I would usually loop near the pond. At this pond the road gets pretty steep and creates a nice hill, especially for an eight year old on a $15 bike from Goodwill. Now when the pond is on your left the ditch of the hill is on the right for the most part. There is a house when approaching the top of the hill, but then, nothing. And so it soon became pattern for me to imagine what would happen if I rode my bike as fast as I could into the ditch and take the what I imagined at the time as a pretty steep 50 foot decline(unfortunately they built a house a couple years back and leveled out most of the steepness). I would think about breaking my legs and just laying there for days without saying anything and slowly letting myself pass on. I didn't really care if it would hurt, I was more so curious if I could bring myself to do it. And so for months on end I would imagine the same scenario every single time I rode by.
There isn't a time I don't think about what would have happened if just once I had done what my mind was screaming at me to do. Little eight year old me didn't know at the time that this would be my first of many different kinds of intrusive thoughts that I would experience. So yeah, I don't think about doing the same thing anymore, but I do think about how even then my brain was giving me those thoughts.
AN: I hope you guys are doing well. I am going to try and update more frequently. Thank you for the love.
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The Appeal of a Curvy, Country Road
Short StoryA story about my intrusive thoughts as someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety since the age of 11(I am 18 as of starting this). Thank you for your time. Some of these stories won't have to do with the title but the title is one of my...
