05.14.10
I knocked thrice. No one was answering the door.
I knocked again.
The door opened slightly and a pair of eyes peeked out.
"Katie?" I asked, seeing it wasn't Tobie's.
"Hey! What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice made it apparent that she had just woken up.
Yes. What the hell am I doing here? I'm standing in front of a hotel door -- Tobie's.
"I was just wondering if Tobie is around?" I was shaking. If she didn't accept Tobie's proposal, why is she still living with him? "Is he?"
"No. He's not. He went somewhere. But please do come in. I have apple cider." She opened the door wide enough for me to enter and welcomed me with a smile. She went to a mini-fridge and grabbed a cider. "Wanna room service?"
"No. I just ate," I faked a smile.
"You're looking at me weird," She said with a chuckle. Was I that obvious?
"Oh come on!" I shrugged.
"I could read your mind," She said with a fortune-teller's voice. Then she laughed. I laughed with her.
"Nothing, really," I told her.
"Don't nothing me. You're wondering why I'm still living with him huh?" She asked point blank. I didn't say anything. She spoke again, "Did I mislead you? I didn't accept his engagement proposal. We had broken up but I'm spending the night. My flight's not on til' tomorrow." She eyed me with a look of sincerity. This girl, I thought, must be heaven sent. She's the type you'd die envying. Her hair was in a messy ponytail. It looked perfect. She was wearing a white tee and pajamas.
I let the words sink in for a while. Then I managed to speak up, "If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"
"Well, it was sweet. The proposal, I mean. I woke up and he was not beside me. I looked around the room, no note, no anything. I waited for him. Then he called my phone. He told me to meet him at the lobby. When I got there, everyone I possibly know was there. Even my family was there. Imagine, they flew from Florida just to witness that. I was so shocked, and happy. Then he came near me. He knelt down. Could you believe it? I thought those things only happen in movies. Okay, so he knelt down, and he was like "Will you wedding me?" He was so nervous he uttered the wrong word! Everyone laughed. And he came again, "Will you marry me?" I looked into his eyes. I have been so happy with him. It has been more than a year. I breathed in a few times, and whispered no."
"What?" I asked in disbelief, "Why?"
"I told you. When I looked into his eyes, I could tell he wasn't the same anymore. I don't know why he proposed. I'm thinking because he wanted to love me before it completely drifts away. He has not been the same. Or maybe he has always been like that, I just hadn't noticed."
I was listening earnestly. And with a lot of courage, I asked, "Who's the girl?"
She laughed. "Girl?" I looked at her. Why was she laughing? "No. There's no girl."
"You told me he's in love with someone else?" I asked confused.
"Yes. He's in love with his self."
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As if on cue, Tobie emerged into the room. His eyes grew big when he saw me. "Hey Tish, what are you doing here?"
I smiled, concealing all evidences of hurt. "I just dropped by since you weren't answering my calls."
"Ohhh, that! I changed my number. I forgot to tell you. I'm sorry." Was I only imagining his feelings for me? 'Cause right now, he's talking to me like there's nothing. Not even a tiny spark.
"Okay, then. I guess I gotta go," I smiled at both of them while standing up.
"This soon?" Katie asked me. I nodded.
"I'll bring her to the lobby," Tobie told her.
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We walked to the elevator. He held the door for me.
"I heard about the proposal," I told him.
"Oh. Yea. It wasn't successful, I assume you've heard." We were standing side by side, looking straight forward.
"Look," I finally snapped and looked at him, "What is it---I don't understand. You love her."
"I loved her."
"What happened?"
"I just don't love her the same way I did."
"Is it because of me?"
"Jesus, no. What made you think that?"
Ouch. That hurt more than I expected. "You like me," I told him meekly.
"Yes. I like you," he told me. "But I don't love you."
05.20.10
I hate Tobie.
Well, that's all I can say. No, not really. This is what I wanna say: !@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*(@#$%^&*( YOU TOBIE.
I don't understand. Did I misunderstand his gestures? He did tell me he like me.
So anyway. I haven't heard from him in a while. I erased his number. I tried to erase his memory. It's not his fault though. I did know he was in a relationship.
Why have I been gone, you ask?
I went to Ely's straight after Tobie told me he didn't love love me. I walked downtown, crying my heart out. Did I really love him?
I sat on the grass on Ely's tomb. My hands were on my head. My head, between my knees. Why is this happening to me, I asked in a frantic voice. I loved you Ely, I continued, and you fvcked me up.
The rain has started pouring. It's a cliche to say heaven's crying with me but at that moment, I sure hoped so. I was dripping wet but I didn't care. Then the rain stopped. I looked around me. No, it hasn't stopped but it wasn't raining on me anymore. I looked up and there was a black umbrella. I turned around and in white shirt was a man, wet because the umbrella was too small for both of us.
"Lee!" I jumped to my feet and hugged him. He let the umbrella fall to the ground and hugged me back. Oh, you don't know how much I missed you, I thought.
"Where have you been?" He asked me and I didn't know what to answer, so I didn't. I just hugged him til' my muscles ached. And in my mind, I wanted the rain to last forever. "I have been looking for you," he said again, his voice was low and loving. That was the moment I realized I missed every part of him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," was all I could say. Why did I leave him without even saying bye? He hugged me even tighter as if to say I didn't have to say a thing.
"Let me take you home," he told me as he took the umbrella and led me to his car.
We were silent the whole ride home. How did he find me? Why did he?
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I was standing in my room, looking in my closet for man-clothes. He was sitting on my bed. I had to give him something...he was so wet. I finally found a button-down shirt and handed it to him.
"Is it okay if I strip down to my boxers?" He asked, shyly.
"Sure," I told him. I picked out clothes for myself and went for the bathroom. When I came out, he was sitting on my make-up chair, massaging his temples.
"Your head hurts?" I asked him, worried.
"Sort of," he told me and he smiled, "but it's gonna be okay."
I went behind him anyway and massaged his temples for him. He thanked me with a few hushed moans then he took my hands into his and looked into my eyes. He was handsome. More handsome than the last time I saw him. I could see his facial hairs starting to grow on his chin. He looked even more manly. But I was distracted the most by his blue eyes.
"I have to tell you something," he told me. I didn't have a clue what's coming next but his eyes were re-assuring.
"What is it?" I asked in a tiny-girl's voice I had not meant to project.
He stared into my eyes even more then he breathed heavily. "I know the truth."
05.26.10
"I have to tell you something," he told me. I didn't have a clue what's coming next but his eyes were re-assuring.
"What is it?" I asked in a tiny-girl's voice I had not meant to project.
He stared into my eyes even more then he breathed heavily. "I know the truth."
-----------------
There was a loud slam on my door. Jack came in bashing. "I know the truth," he said as if declaring an all-out war. He was sweaty like he'd ran from god-knows-where just to reach the suite. His composure was odd, but his voice, still low and husky.
Lee was startled. He was staring at the folder Jack was waving in the air. On the cover, it reads, Postiche Smith.
"What are you doing here?" I asked Jack, confused.
"Where'd you get that?" Lee asked him, regaining calm.
"Went through your files," Jack answered. He hasn't looked at me yet.
"Why?" Lee asked again.
"I wanted to know about Tish."
My eyes grew wide. "My hospital files?" I asked, confused. No, scared.
No one answered.
"What is it?" I asked again. Silence. "Seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know the truth?" I asked again, half-shouting. No one dared answer. They kept staring at each other like two predators after only one prey.
"You know where I found this?" Jack asked Lee, pointing at the folder in his hand. My questions, unheard.
"In my safe," Lee answered, his eyes never leaving Jack's.
"Why is this in your safe and not in the hospital files?" Jack asked again, staring head-on.
"It's private."
"Private? No, this is hospital property."
"I own the hospital."
"This should be in the hospital files."
"What do you care, Jack?"
"I just need to know. Are you in love with Tish?"
I wanted to shout, Hello, I can hear you! But they went on and I stood there like a bystander watching an unfortunate scene between two lovers on a fight. Lee looked at me for the first time since Jack arrived. Then he looked back at Jack.
"Yes," he answered, almost a whisper. I looked at him. He didn't look back.
"Jesus," Jack sighed.
No one spoke for a moment. I tried again. "What the hell is happening?"
"What did you plan to do?" Jack asked Lee. I felt invisible.
"I wanted to protect her." Lee said.
"Protect me? From what?" I asked.
For the first time, someone answered me, "I hid your hospital files."
"Why?" I asked, "So it doesn't go to my record?"
"No," Lee answered, still looking at Jack.
"Then why?" Frantic.
"I didn't want you to go to jail. I wanted to protect you."
My jaw fell. My world crashed down. Oh, the truth, I thought. The truth I tried to forget so much that it almost became a lie. My knees felt weak and I slowly collapsed. Lee caught me before I hit the floor. Jack came running, cupping my face, asking if I was okay. I regained consciousness.
"How did you know?" I asked. My voice caught up in my throat. They tried to stand me up and sit me on my bed.
"Someone brought it to the court," Lee answered, "I declared insanity. Well, your mom thought about it first. When she brought you to Teen Haven, she wanted to save you. I just continued it from there."
I know there are a lot of questions I should've asked but this is the one that came out, "Who came forward?"
Lee: "His mom."
"She sent me his diary," I said, confused.
"As a last favor for his son."
I put my hands in my face and started crying. "I am so ashamed."
Lee sat beside me and gave me a hug. Jack continued staring.
"How could you take it? I can't even live with myself," I sobbed.
No one spoke. I started, "I was so in love with him. He was my first. I thought it'd be us forever. He promised me," I don't know if they could understand the words coming out from my mouth but I continued anyway, "Then I went to his home. To surprise him. I went to his room, lit the candles, prepared the bed...I wanted to be his perfect girlfriend. I forgot to bring a lighter. I tried to look for one in his room. I opened his bedside drawer and found a gun. I ignored it and looked at the closet and found his diary. I read the last entry where he said he wasn't in love with me anymore." I wailed. I couldn't bear that moment. It hurts too much. Lee hugged me tighter. "I got so mad I grabbed a ballpen and erased the Jessica he had written. He went in and saw me. I screamed, How could you! Why did you! How can you promise! I didn't even know where to start. He was dumbfounded. He said he was sorry. I was crying and grabbing my hair. I was hysterical. That's how much it hurt. Then I..." I sobbed more, "Then I remembered the gun and shot him."
Jack kept on staring. Lee kept on hugging me. I fought to tell the whole story, "The moment I realized what I did, it was all over. He was over. He was bleeding. I screamed his name but he wouldn't come to life. I've killed him. I've killed him..."
"Hush," Lee whispered into my ears, rocking me like a baby.
"Then I put the gun in his hands to make it look like suicide. I killed him." I cried and cried and cried.
"It's okay Tish. It's all over. I'm here for you." Lee whispered.
I pushed myself harder against his body. It felt so good.
He spoke again, "Let's get out of here. Far away. Let's start a new life, forget about it all." He lifted my face and looked into my eyes, "Come with me. Live with me. Be with me and try to fall in love, the way I've always felt for you."
Jack spoke for the first time in a long while, "No. She's coming with me."
"Why would she do that?" Lee asked Jack. Sibling rivalry.
"Because she knows she loves me."
"You know what kind of a jackass you are, Jack. I won't let you do to Tish what you do to other girls."
Jack kept silent. Then broke it, "I will love her," he said, more like convincing himself than me. I looked at him and he stared right back. I wish I knew what his eyes were saying.
"Tish," Lee pleaded.
Jack cut him off, "Let her choose Lee."
I stood up and thought for a while. It was a decision I didn't want to make. Nonetheless, I had to. I've reached a decision a few moments later. I went to Lee and hugged him the tightest I could've.
"Lee," I whispered to his ears, "I'm sorry." He hugged me back so tight and I almost forgot to breathe. I heard him whimper on my shoulders. It was the saddest cry I've heard in my life -- that cry that loves a lot to hold on, but loves too much to let go.
"Dont---" he tried to say, "Don't say you're sorry. I loved you when I knew you couldn't love me back. I did anyway. It was worth the try." At that, he was shaking, trying hard to let go when all he wanted was to hold on. He tightened his hug once more and left for the door.
Jack grabbed Lee's shoulder, "Lee," Jack said. Lee stopped him even before he could start, "Just love her. Or I'll do what I have to."
The moment Lee came out the door, Jack ran and hugged me. "I didn't expect you'd choose me," he said, caressing my hair.
"Me either," I told him truthfully.
"I will change, I will love you," he started.
I put a finger against his lips, "Don't. The last time someone promised me..."
"I'll keep my gun," He joked and kissed me.
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Sometimes the only thing left to do is do what your heart tells you, even if that means hurting the one who had loved you from the start. Even if it means it's mean. Even if it means it's the stupidest thing you could've ever done.
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BINABASA MO ANG
FU(FUCK UP!)
Misteri / Thriller'A story of Tish in her adventures through her lovelife, family and sex life. ~Wanna clear it with every one that this is not mine nor own anything. I just wanna share it cause I really like this story and I don't know whose the author but whoever...
