one-shots || jjp/bnior

18; the promise

life is acting.
at least for me, park jinyoung.
'hide your insecurities and your sadness, put on a smile.'
that's what i tell myself every time.

i overthink every thing and have multiple breakdowns trough-out my day.

it was another day of waking up in the dorms, another day of yugyeom and bambam yelling and running around while jaebeom tells them to calm down. another day of mark minding his business and youngjae laughing at bambam's and yugyeom's stupidity. another day of jackson joining mark on whatever he's doing.

i smile gently at what everyone is doing, i sit down next to jaebeom, "hey!" i say happily.

"hey jinyoungie," he says sounding exhausted, "before i forget we have to do a vlive later today."

"sounds good to me." i reply and stand up to make myself coffee.

he follows along and stares at me, "is there something on my face?" i ask, slightly annoyed.

he stays quiet and shakes his head. i shrug and he walks away.

'weird' i think.

the day goes on as usual and for some reason, i feel sadness again. i want to cry. i don't know why. i hate when i feel this way. i feel loneliness and sadness but why? i have my members don't i? i shouldn't feel this way but i can't help it.

since every one is getting ready for the vlive they won't know if i cry, will they? no.

i can't hold my tears anymore and break down in the middle of the staircase.

i cry and cry until i can go no longer cry anymore. my eyes feel puffy, my nose is running and my shirt is all wet.

after about 30 minutes i check to see that we're about to start the vlive so i go to mine and jaebeom's shared room and change clothes. then i run to the bathroom.

i tend to cry a lot so i know how to fix my eyes, i grab a towel and wet it and pat my eyes with the towel. it helps with the swell pretty well.

"jinyoung!" i hear jackson yelling my name, "we're starting the vlive in a minute!"

"okay, i'm going!" i respond and run to my members.

"1,2,3, go!" the crew members say quietly and start the vlive.

"hey baby birds!" jaebeom says happily.

after an hour, our live finally ends.

it always fun to interact with our fans, they mean the world to us. we had fun, we joked around and played games.

everyone goes back to minding their own business except for jb, again he stares at me. i smile at him and he looks confused now. i blow him a kiss jokingly and he blushes and looks away. i laugh and sit next to him.

"i know i'm that handsome." i wink at him and he puts his hands on my cheeks.

"woah, woah, jb we're in front of the kids right now." i say, panicking.

"let's talk," he whispers so only i can hear him, i nod my head and follow him to our room.

"i know something is wrong jinyoungie," he says in the softest voice ever.

i look down at the floor, not able to make eye contact.

"i saw you crying earlier, not just earlier. i always see you crying." his soft voice makes me feel guilty, but still, how did he see me crying? i made sure no one was around.

i open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out, i look up at him and my eyes start to get watery again.

he looks at me with sadness and hugs me, "what's wrong jinyoungie? please tell me." his soft voice makes me feel butterflies in my stomach but it's not the time right now.

"i- i don't know. i feel like i can't breath. i feel like i'm trapped in my own mind. i feel loneliness and sadness but i don't know why! i hate feeling this way, i don't want to feel this way." i say all in one breath as my tears start coming out.

he hugs me tighter, "it's okay. it's going to be okay, i promise. i'll be with you always, i promise."

i cry harder and hug him back.

he doesn't say anything and makes me lay down. once i lie down on the bed he kissed my cheeks and hugs me again so we can cuddle.

i cry on his shirt and still feel butterflies on my stomach, he keeps kissing my forehead and after a while break the silence,

"i may not know how to help but i'll try, okay? i promise to make you, park jinyoung, feel happier and filled with love and affection. i promise to fill your days with sunshine and flowers. i promise to be there when ever you need me. i promise to keep loving you and love you even more in the future... although i think that's impossible since i already love you a lot...." he quietly says, he grabs my chin softly and makes me look at him. my face is currently so red but so is his, so it's okay.

"so, park jinyoung, will you be my boyfriend?"  he asks, his face redder than it already was.

i sob harder and nod my head, "gladly," i whisper and he kisses me on the lips.

all of a sudden everyone comes in, youngjae, jackson and yugyeom crying, running towards us and jumps on us.

mark and bambam following behind smiling.

"oh jinyoungie why didn't you tell us you felt so sad!" jackson says crying loudly.

"y-y-yeah!" yugyeom says barely able to speak because of his crying.

youngjae nuzzles his head in between me and jb and continues crying.

mark chuckles and softly pays jackson's head, bambam doing the same with yugyeom.

"congratulations on your relationship leader and jinyoungie!" mark says excited.

bambam nods his head violently and chuckles, "jinyounggggg did you know that our leader here was crushing on you for the longest time?!"

i shake my head and laugh softly, "not at all," i wipe my tears, "how long have you guys been here?"

jackson looks at us and then at mark, "since the beginning..." he says softly.

jaebeom laughs and shakes his head, "leave us alone guys!"

youngjae shakes his head, "no! you guys will do the dirty."

i hit youngjae on the shoulder lightly, "of course not!"

we all laugh together.

"i'll be forever lonely now" youngjae whines.

"you'll find someone eventually youngjae-ah." mark sighs and hugs jackson.

i, park jinyoung, might feel lonely and sadness still but jaebeom promised that he'd help me. and i trust him. i believe that he'll keep his promise. after all with him i feel better. he makes me feel safe.

—————————-

woah, 1135 words😺✨. crazy, that's the longest i think. anyways, pls i lowkey like this chapter so don't let it flop💔.