It's a forever type of love

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗶𝘃𝗲

It was Monday morning and I was currently in my car, driving to my graduation ceremony.
I was wearing a purple, strapless, mini dress that I had designed and made myself and I had my graduation gown over it.
It was hard to believe that today would be the day that I become a proper fashion designer with a certificate and everything. I have worked so hard these past four years to make it happen and I'm so proud of myself that it's finally happening but, I still had Dylan to take care of.
I was gonna tell him today after the graduation ceremony, the truth about how I feel about him and hopefully he feels the same way but I feel so bad about going behind Zoe's back and breaking girl code. We made those rules at the tender age of ten years old and we are now twenty-two and we still follow them. The girl code has been our legacy throughout our whole friendship and I was upset that I was breaking that, but I had to do what was best for me. Just like what Shana told me.

I arrived at the ceremony and I was sitting in my chair listening to the names of all the students that were being called up to come and collect their graduation certificates. Like I said in my speech on Friday, I was really proud of every single one of them and we all worked our butts off these past four years to get where we are now.
The principal got up on stage and she said "you've just watched everyone graduate, except three students. Because these three students did so well, that they deserve their own little moment. So I will now present the names of our three highest scoring students. But only one of them can win the top designer award. Good luck to everyone." This was it. This was the moment I've been waiting for since I arrived and it was nerve wracking waiting to hear the results.
The principal opened the first letter and she said " in third place is... Dylan Camshaft." I was so proud of him, after everything he went through, I'm glad to see that he got the recognition he deserved. Zoe was also very happy to see that Dylan was in the top three and then she whispered in my ear "I knew he could do it." I looked at her and responded with "yeah, I did too."
The principal then opened the second letter and she said "in second place is.... Kassandra Edmund." I was happy with second place. Of course I would have preferred to be first but I'm grateful to be second. I got up on stage and I went to collect my certificate and then I sat next to Dylan in the second place seat. It was a little bit awkward but it was fine because I knew exactly what I had to tell him after the ceremony was over.
The principal opened the final letter and then she said "in first place and the winner of the top designer prize is.... SHANA NEWMAN!!" seeing Shana get the top designer prize put a smile on my face because she deserved it more than anyone. She went through hell and back and she still came back as the strong, independent and ambitious woman that I know and love and when she got up on the stage to collect her prize, the principal asked her "as the winner, do you want to say a speech?" She nodded then she took the microphone and she said "I didn't have anything prepared for today because I spent the whole of yesterday helping my best friend prepare her speech, because I didn't think that it would ever be me. But here I am, standing on the stage of my graduation with a $50,000 prize and I couldn't be more proud of myself. Growing up black, I've had to deal with a lot of racism and discrimination. Especially since I grew up here, in a country like America, where your skin, apparently defines you. When people asked me where my mum is, I was used to say she was at work because I didn't want to go into the fact that she was shot dead five years ago when I was sixteen years old and it still hurts me, up to a day like today. Because everybody knows out of everyone in the world the person you need the most is your mother and I didn't have that. I did, for 16 years and then a racist white man thought he had the right take that away from me and my brother. I'm a black woman in a racist society and I'm always wondering when I'm going to be next. And my children are going to start wondering that as well and I don't want them to worry about that, I want them to be children. I don't want them to worry when there not going to see their mum again or when they're not gonna see each other again but I have to and it hurts. It hurts to see that we all live in one world and we can't get along but instead we have to behave like cats and dogs because apparently it's normal but the truth is, it's not normal. It will never be normal and even if we can't make a change, maybe our children can, or maybe our grandchildren can. And who knows how many generations will pass before it changes?
I don't. But I know that there will be a generation that will stand up and say enough is enough. I just wish it would be ours, but it's not too late to start making a change. Another thing about me is, that I'm a lesbian and a lot of people know that and a lot of people don't. And growing up in a religious family... my parents were against it, so it was hard. I had to date girls in secret but then I told them that I can't keep pretending that I'm a different person to please them. I told them that I need to be who I want to be and they realised that I was right and now they accept me for who I am. Not everyone in this world will and even though that's not okay, I'm fine with it because the most important people in my life do and that's what matters to me. So first I want to thank God, because he is the person that made all of this possible and then I want to Thank my dad, for being my rock through everything and then I want to thank my mum and I know she is still watching over me up there. Then I want to thank my girlfriend Elizabeth, because she's been so amazing through everything. And finally I want to thank my best friends, Dylan and Kassandra.... without them I don't know where I would be, and even though I've only known them for two years, it has been the best two years of my life. Thank you to everyone and I want all of you to go out there and do whatever you want with your life and don't waste time because you deserve it, I deserve it, we all deserve it. Thank you."

The ceremony was over and all of the graduates were at the after party. Me and Shana were talking and I was telling her how beautiful her speech was and that's when she told me "thank you, that honestly means so much but now it's my turn to give you your words of encouragement. Dylan just went outside, so tell him the paragraph that you sent me last night. And the worst that can happen, is that he rejects you but the best that can happen, is that you two actually end up being together. But it's up to you because at the end of the day, you need to do what makes you happy, because that's all I've ever cared about, your happiness." I smiled at her and then I responded with "thank you for being such a good friend." She smiles back and then I got up and went outside.

I saw Dylan sitting there by himself so I went and I sat down next to him and I asked "can we talk?" He looked at me then he nodded. I took a deep breath and then I said "first of all, I want to apologise for everything I said at prom on Friday. I was angry and frustrated and I took it out on you when I shouldn't have, so I'm sorry. Also I just wanna say that... I love you and I've loved you for so many years and I know that you do too because you told me. I know I fucked up at prom and I know that it was insensitive. Especially after what happened with Angel. But I'm not her and I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally. So please give me a chance and let's be together and I will find a way to convince Zoe about us." He looked at me and then he responded with "you see the thing is, when you were saying all those things about me and about how you were ready to drop me, it just brought me back to junior year when everything happened with Angel. You were there for me through all that and you saw how I went into this depressed state for so many months, and even though you didn't mean to offend me, it still hurts and it made me remember that time again, it made me remember the reason why I was afraid to be with anyone else. And I know that you're not Angel, you are so different, you are so nice, you're so beautiful, you're so kind and I would love to be with you, but my life is finally starting to get back on track. I've just graduated and I'm already looking for jobs, and even though you said you won't break my heart, you never know what is going to happen and I can't risk putting myself through that again. I'm sorry but there is no 'us' and there never will be an 'us' because even though you are an amazing person, you always put yourself first and I need a girl who's gonna put me first. I'm sorry." And he got up and walked away and right then and there, I knew it was over. I pushed away the man I love and now he doesn't want me. Graduation was supposed to be the best night of my life but instead, it was the worst.