Helpful Reviews by Mumal16

Review by Mumal16: The real reed

Title: The real reed

Author: chantelle_styles

Genre: Teen fiction

Review by: @mumal16

Before I start, this review is not to make you feel bad about your writing but to help you make it better. So don't mind anything I say. I'm very sorry if it upsets you. All the love.

Cover:

To be honest, I wouldn't have been attracted to the book by this cover. People say, don't judge a book by its cover. BUT cover is the most important thing to attract your readers. That is the first thing which makes the reader look at YOUR book out of the others. You should work on the cover. It doesn't look eye catching, attractive or related to the book. The first thing that readers see is the cover. It's just a picture of a girl, no title of the book, no author name, nothing is there. I'd advice you to get a HD quality bright, simple yet effective cover made. Get it made from some graphic shop on wattpad, it will help you gain readers with a great cover.

Blurb:

You should really work on the blurb as well because it doesn't seem interesting and I can't even understand what you're trying to tell in it and what is the story about. I can't seem to understand the connection of the blurb with the story. So please work on that sweetie. If you need any help with that, pm me.

Title:

Um, honestly, the title isn't catchy. I think you should change it to something related to the book. That would create an understanding in the readers searching for good books. Yours might attract them that way.

Plot:

I like how you have started the book and described everything very well. Your vocabulary is amazing so keep up the good work.

In story writing things like *smiles* *toodum*  *whines* are NEVER written. Instead, we have to describe these things. "I smile" "I whine" like this.

Grammar matters a lot for a perfect book. I know we're not perfect and just learning, but we should try to put our best work out there so we can be satisfied with it and so would be our readers. Grammar means a lot to some people, they even stop reading books with bad or not good grammar. So you wouldn't wanna lose your readers that way, love, right? Work on your grammar carefully and a lot.

A person can't speak a whole paragraph at once, unless they're eminem and they're rapping lmao. So you should give a pause in between the dialogues if they are long ones. "I was going to tell you but you didn't listen to me," I say, looking at him as I continue. "You don't trust me anymore, like you did, you're always talking to her bla bla bla bla bla!" I yell, his eyes watching me quietly. "Why are you like this?" I add.

Do you get my point? You should break down the sentences. Don't put it in a whole paragraph.

You should work more on describing the dialogues. Couldn't feel anything when I read the dialogues or imagine anything as words were simply written like "I shouted" "I laughed" "I cried" you should describe these feelings so the reader can imagine it. Show us what expressions are on the characters face, what are they feeling when they hear a news or someone's talking to them. Instead of just writing "Why would you do that? I shouted" you should write: 'I felt anger running through my veins which makes me feel frustrated as well as hurt. How can my parents betray me like that.' Then you can say she shouted at them with whatever dialogue. (these dialogues are not related to your story, they are an example) Otherwise we won't feel anything what she's feeling.

You should definitely work on the grammar, typos and punctuation, especially punctuation in the dialogues. Put a comma after the end of the dialogue like this "Hi, I have been calling you,"

There is always a comma or a full stop at the end of the sentences:

"Hello,"

"I like you,"

"I was trying to say, you can't get over that,"

You get it? Please put punctuation in all the sentences. Sentences can never be like this:

" I like you"

Nope.

When she sees Harry for the first time it felt rushed because she was describing her attire and about stares from people and suddenly she says she has spotted Harry Styles. You should give her thought a pause and do something like:

My chain of thoughts come to an abrupt pause when I watch someone familiar in front of me. Is that- oh my god! That's Harry freaking Styles!

Show excitement when she spots Harry, because it just looks like she just saw Harry and well that's it. If she's a Directioner you should show her inner feelings that her heart is pacing or her breathing is fastening or her mind is going insane, having an adrenaline rush or something, so we can connect with her character.

Everything seems very rushed in the chapters, you should explain things more detailed and with feelings so readers can connect with what they're reading. I however really like the plot of the book and it seems really interesting to me. Keep writing and reading, you'll reach to perfection soon.

Reed says that there's no competition. Have you met me?

Why is she saying that? What is that based on? Why is there no competition to her? Why is she saying have you met me? There should be an explanation and description of her which would justify why she said that.

"I saw you at the vending machine you seemed pretty cool etc etc," what is Harry's judgement based on? How did he find her cool? Her attire? Her personality? You should explain what he meant by pretty cool. In real life we probably wouldn't stand next to someone, not talk to them and then minutes later tell them they looked pretty cool. I can't seem to understand what he meant by that so explain it a bit in the story.

Note down the difference between "It's" and "Its". It's means It is. For example: It's going well (It is going well). Its would be used like this: The dog looks so fluffy, its hair is very soft. Its is used for belonging.

She goes without saying bye to harry to entrance D, but she is a fan of him and has loved him since a very long time but her actions don't tell that. She should at least have second thoughts or feelings regarding leaving harry without a goodbye. She just leaves. That was very abrupt.

Harry's pov shouldn't end like that in chapter 2. It should end at the same scene where Reed's ended because they have already talked and sat next to each other, everything has been shown in Reed's pov but Harry's is just stuck on the vending machine, it's too late for that. You should add more in that and continue till where Reed's pov stopped.

Please explain like this: I give out a sigh in defeat, disapproval, relief etc. Because it's a story, we can't just write *sigh*

Personal enjoyment:

I love the plot, however, it seems enjoyable and amazing. Very well done with that! But just correct the things that I mentioned so that other readers won't find anything annoying.

You can use GRAMMARLY for grammar editing or ask editors on wattpad for your editing.

I hope you wouldn't mind my review, I was just being honest to help you make your book better. In this way, you'd be satisfied with your work and so would be your readers.

This is a completely constructive criticism to make your book perfect. Don't mind my words and don't let anything stop you from writing!

Thank you for being amazing and sharing your work out there for us.