Comatose

All the Little Things

Chapter 13

Instead of walking back into the hallway Angelica found herself standing in the master bedroom of her home. It was a jarring sight in contrast from what she had just seen. The room was masculine in taste with sturdy furniture that was all straight edges and dull. The carpet was a short shag beige that felt more like walking on a solid floor than the sinking sensation one usually associates with carpet. The bedding was all earth tones that matched the hardwood surfaces that were clear of clutter. The only seating was a couple of white padded armchairs by the windows. One chair was Kevin's and usually was where he placed his suit from the day for her to take care of the next morning. The other was her chair where she would sit and read at night so that Kevin could get his sleep if she weren't yet tired. He complained that a light on her nightstand to read by kept him up, so she was relegated to sit across the room where a low light floor lamp was placed to cast minimal light for her to see by. The lamp was even cold in appearance all chrome in color with a plain heavy white shade. A light grey throw was tossed artfully over the back of the chair for her to use on nights that she got a slight chill. Next to the chair was a stand no bigger than a nightstand with a single shelf for her to use for her books. Each one was lined perfectly in a row with the spines facing out. Kevin didn't like the look of clutter. The double curtained windows had white sheer drapes on the inner rod while plain heavy tan drapes graced the outer one. The whole thing blended in nicely with the plain white walls.

Walking across the room Angelica came to her vanity. Another heavy wood piece with no feminine thrills. The mirror was unadorned, and the lights were basic round bulbs. The top held her hairbrush, comb, and one bottle of perfume. It was light in scent and most days she went without since no one could tell when she wore it anyway. The only exception to that was on date nights, but she wondered why she even bothered to wear it then. The rest of her belongings were tucked away in the drawers. Even if it was something she used every day, it didn't sit out. Nothing in the room was ever out of place. There were no personal touches or photographs in it, no unsightly hampers to be an eye sore. Looking at her adult bedroom after seeing her younger self's bedroom brought a foul taste to her mouth. The room was cold and clinical nothing more. If a stranger stood in the room it would be no different then if they were looking at a staged show room. Angelica found what once seemed cozy to her now felt cold.

Walking over to the large double door closet she threw them open in disgust. One side of the walk-in closet hung Kevin's clothing. All neatly pressed and lined perfectly according to his needs for the day. The other side hung her clothing and much like her husband's side it was slightly drab in color variation and placed neatly and accordingly. Both of their shoes were even cleaned and placed neatly inside cubbies on either side. The sight rankled something inside her making her want to displace it all just because she could.

Backing out of the offending closet she stood once more in the middle of their room. How had her life become so bland? Oh, she knew how all right but couldn't believe she had conformed to match him. In her defense the changes were subtle and well placed that it never seemed like he was asking for too much. Looking around now she realized how wrong she had been. It had started not long after they got together. The first thing he took an issue with were her clothes. He had complained that he didn't like that other guys looked at her and would appreciate if she wore something less eye catching. At first it was just that she went for simpler colors but eventually he got her to wear things that showed less skin as well. He had made little remarks over time and she had adjusted to accommodate him. Their relationship, that should have been a compromise, became more about his dislikes and what she could do to appease him. Eventually, Kevin had successfully managed to change everything about her molding her into his perfect vision. It had all been so subtle that she herself hadn't noticed the changes. Not even when her own subconscious had stood in front of her looking like the matured grown version of who she once was rather than who she allowed herself to become. The most sickening thing about that had been that she couldn't even tell what was so different. She was angry at Kevin sure, but she was furious at herself. The girl who was so full of life and wonder had allowed herself to be tempered into someone else's version and she had completely lost everything that had once made her her. It wasn't just the way the house was decorated or what she wore, but she never fought back, never put up a fuss about any of it.

To be fair Kevin did give her concessions like Cooper and picking out their children's names. They were always such small things that he allowed her that she had never noticed that the big things were gone. No bright colors, loud noises, messes while cooking. No too revealing clothing not even a V-neck shirt. Nothing outlandish, not even her jewelry. Routines were to be held too and followed especially where their children were concerned. After all kids need structure and boundaries and that much she did agree with, but he had so many she was surprised they didn't strangle them. Angelica did the cooking, the housework, balanced the accounts, paid the bills, did the grocery shopping, the errands, the laundry, took care of Cooper by herself, and was still expected to accompany Kevin to all his company functions. It was no wonder she hadn't recognized her true self anymore. She had been buried under Kevin's wants and needs for so long that she had lost herself.

By the time she was done thinking it all through Angelica had worked herself up into a tizzy. Looking at her reflection in the vanity mirror she realized she looked more like her subconscious in that moment then she had in decades. One thing was for sure when she finally woke up her husband was getting a piece of her mind. It had been a mystery to her that Cooper never seemed to really like Kevin at all. At that moment she didn't really like him either. She was disgusted with herself as she remembered wanting to wake up so that she could smooth things over between Kevin and the kids. That she had thought they didn't really see him for who he truly was. It seemed the only one who never saw the real him had been her all along. A few cries of distress were all it had taken for her to want to jump to his aid yet again. He was probably more upset by the inconvenience of Angelica being in a coma then being distraught over her being attacked. Hadn't he said so himself. That he needed to get back to work. What a gigantic ass! And she had fallen for it hook line and sinker just like she always did.

Angelica's inner tirade was cut short as the fragrance of lilies began to fill the room distracting her from her anger. It was an oddity in itself as Kevin didn't allow cut flowers to be brought into the bedroom. In fact, the only place she could display them was on the mantle in the living room. It was the perfect place that Kevin could brag about them proudly if he had gifted her a rare bouquet, yet out of the way enough that if they were her own grown flowers, he didn't have to see them. Angelica followed the smell out the door of the room. She stumbled slightly when instead of her home she was now back inside the white world. What was unsettling wasn't the change in scenery, but that the heavy fragrance of lilies still assaulted her senses. She knew they couldn't be from her family as all three of them were very allergic to them. It was one of the varieties that she loved but couldn't grow herself for that reason. If Kevin or her children had brought any flowers, they would have been something else entirely. The last time she had even smelled lilies was at the last funeral she had attended. Clapping pulled Angelica from her thoughts as she turned to face her likeness.

"Congratulations. You finally figured it out."

"You could have just told me." Angelica pointed out still smarting from the facts she had had to face. Her subconscious shrugged.

"Would you have listened even if it was coming from yourself?" Angelica sighed giving up the fight already. What good would arguing with yourself do especially if she was right?

"Am I ready now to face what I need to?" Her subconscious nodded while gazing wearily into the distance.

"You are. Unfortunately, there is no longer any time to waste." Angelica followed the other woman's gaze as her eyes fell upon the dark mass that throbbed like a living heart. Fear filled her eyes as the scent of lilies lingered around them.