Heaven On Earth

Eight.

- lucifer's pov

After we finished the doctor's appointment, I dropped Chloe in her apartment and exchanged good night's. It was nearly dusk and I'm on my way to Linda's office, hoping I'd still catch her there before she heads home. Unfortunately, her office door is already locked when I arrived.

I dial my therapist's number, hoping she'd pick up.

"Lucifer? What's wrong?" Linda asked. "I need to see you. I have something to tell you." I said, my voice sounding urgent.

Well, I think it's a matter of life and death. Our child's life and my death. The death of endless partying, drugs, alcohol and stuff. I just don't think I'm ready to let go of it.

"We have an appointment tomorrow, Lucifer. I'll meet you at the office tomorrow." She said and I can hear Charlie's cries in the background. "I'm on my way over there." I said and I started the car.

I speed through the highways and my stereo started to play Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd, how apt.

As I parked my car in their driveway, I rush out and barge in their door and it revealed my brother's family hovering over Charlie.

"Doctor I-" I was cut off by the kind doctor, pulling me towards their sitting room. Amenadiel left with Charlie, leaving us in privacy.

"Why are you in a rush, Lucifer? What's wrong? Is Chloe okay?" She said. Words run through my head and I have no idea what to say. I would usually say it out loud but somehow, there is something that's stopping me and I can't figure it out.

I was definitely frozen and I am sure that Linda was tapping my face and moving my shoulders. I break out from my reverie and exhaled a deep sigh.

"Truth is doctor, I don't have any idea what to say." I said. She stares at me and tries to process my facial expressions, I am quite sure my face is giving lots of it but the doctor figured it out quickly.

"She's pregnant." Linda said. A smile crept up my lips and soon enough I am smiling like an idiot. The doctor did the same, throwing in a 'congratulations'. "How did you know?" I asked. "Amenadiel had the same expression, I think it runs in your family," she replied.

"Look, I know this is scary. Its going to-" I cut her off, "Its going to be fine? No, doctor. Its going to be the death of me! I mean look at Amenadiel, I don't think he's done something fun in ages. This is not fun, this is just more manipulation from dear old dad. Well screw that! I am tired of being manipulated and this, by far is the worst manipulation he's ever done."

"It's not me doctor. I'm not ready for this and I don't think I will ever be." I sighed and took a swig from my flask.

"Okay let's start this by saying what are you most afraid of with this news." She said.

"Well, one, I am certainly afraid that I am going to leave everything behind. I am afraid that I won't do the same things; the sex, the drugs, alcohol, endless partying. Two, I am definitely afraid that I am going to screw this up big time. Chloe is a wonderful mom, I've seen it and I am sure she'll be the best mom to our child. But what about me? What if our child will hate me because I ruined his childhood? What if he rebels against us and everything in his life just goes downhill and he'll suffer a lifetime with thousands of existential dilemmas more than I have? What if I am just like my dad?" I rambled.

I run my hands through my hair for the, I don't know, I've lost count but I am pretty sure I look disheveled and the last time I looked like this was the time when Chloe accepted Pierce's proposal.

"Okay, let's take a breath. I say, it leads to two things, Lucifer. One, sacrifice and two, responsibility. Building a family means sacrifice because it really takes away your old habits and it leads to a new one. It's all about exploring other activities with the people you love, where all of you, gain the same happiness and fulfilment. Take your relationship with Chloe, for example. Tell me, what did you leave behind just to be with her?"

"I stopped having sex with other people." I said. It's true, I stopped meeting hookers and strippers ever since we got together. It just felt wrong and I really don't want to lose Chloe over a hooker. "Did you do that voluntarily?" She asked. "Yes, I did." I replied.

"See? You sacrificed something and I believe you can. Little by little. I did tell you that being in a relationship is about giving without losing yourself, right? I'm not expecting you to stop your habits in a snap but I just believe you can. The question is, are you willing to do it? Think about this, okay. Next, responsibility. Family means not only and Chloe but also your children. You give more when it comes to building a family. And you said that this is more manipulation? I don't think so, Lucifer. It's the result of your actions. I think it's time to remove the word 'manipulation' from your vocabulary, Lucifer."

She's right actually, I need to forget about that bloody word.

"I don't know what to do, doctor. I feel completely helpless." I sigh. "Have you talked to Chloe about this?" She asked.

I never lie but I do have the tendency to leave some bits of information to myself. "You have to tell her, your wedding is in what? One week? The two of you still have time to discuss this." She said. I sigh one more time and ready myself to leave.

"Thank you, doctor." I smiled. She nods and helps me to the door but before I could close it behind me, Amenadiel called me. "Lucy!" I turned to look at him and there he was the threshold of their home, holding a smiley Charlie.

Soon enough, I'll be holding my own son.

"Yes brother?" I asked. "Congratulations." He smiled. Charlie looks very happy and I swear, Amenadiel said "Wave goodbye to Uncle Lucy." Charlie did his best and it earned a smile from me. "Goodnight brother." I said, turned around, and walked towards my Vette.

The night is young and I don't think I can mope around the penthouse. I need some air.

I drove around LA until I ended up parking my car at this particular side of the road. The place reminds me of a numb pain, I completely remember what happened here. It was a blank crime scene, except for Charlotte's body, every one was quiet and Dan's silence rang through our ears, screaming pain.

The view up here is mesmerizing, you could get lost just by staring at the distant city lights or you could get lost just by trying to count the stars up in the high heavens. It's breathtaking yet it's painful.

I sat down on one of the benches and reach out to my jacket pocket to retrieve a cigarette and my lighter. I sat in silence but the buzzing sound of my phone disturbed it.

Goodnight. I love you.

Chloe never failed to remind me of how much she loves me and everytime she says it, it just takes me back and reminds me of all the reasons why I love her so much.

We love each other and we're so happy together but why must this happen to us? I sigh and throw my phone off the cliff.

"Fuck you! Yeah, Dad, I am talking to you! How could you do this to me? To Chloe? Stop manipulating me! I am sick of it." I shout angrily towards the heavens even though I know I'm not going to have a concrete answer.

Before I know it, tears are streaming out of my eyes and I'm sobbing.

"You know what, Dad? I'm going to prove to you that I am nothing like you! A father should never cast away his son and I will never, ever abandon mine. My son will have the best mom, the best dad, the best family he could ask for and I will see to it you're going to witness it."

I will never abandon my son. Even if it takes hell breaking lose.