subdued subtleties ━━ keanu reeves

XI. BREAKFAST AT DAHLIA'S

❝ i'll treat you to
ice cream. it's all on me.
now stop crying, okay? ❞

CHAPTER ELEVEN:
BREAKFAST AT DAHLIA'S

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It was late in the afternoon when I woke up to see that Jovi was not beside me anymore. His disappearance did not bother me until I heard his laughter when I descended downstairs.

There he was, chattering enthusiastically with Auntie Nida and my father. My little brother was being fed by Jovi, whirling his spoon around in circles like it was some type of airplane. In some weird way I imagined what type of father would he be like. He may be that type of dad that is always in his son's basketball game or his daughter's spelling bee. I looked at him in awe while staring dreamily at him.

Then something snapped me out of my imagination again: it was all of them staring at me yesterday when Jovi told my aunt we were gonna have a sleepover.

"Dahlia! Come join us!" Auntie Nida said enthusiastically, patting her hand on the chair seated in between her and my brother. I nodded at her and asked what was the occasion. My father looked at me and said: "When Jovi was about to go home, I told him I called his mother and told her that he'll staying here 'til noon. Come, Doll."

"What time is it?" I asked, without seeing a clock nor a watch in sight. Then my brother, as if he was mocking me, said: "The clock says it's ten thirty." and then he smiled at me to make me look dumb in some weird way. I picked out an orange from the fruit basket, but before I could even peel it, Jovi stopped me like he was in horror.

"Don't eat that!"

"And why are you telling me what to do?"

And then he looked at me with some indistinguishable look in face that told me to not bitch at him. I said sorry to him, and he only nodded and smiled. I felt guilty.

"I've read somewhere that eating oranges first thing in the morning is bad. Fill up your little tummy first before eating that thing."

My father smirked like he was proud of Jovi in some sort of way. The first thing that I felt was insecurity in some sort of way, and it only worsened when he opened his mouth.

"You should really be like Jovi, Doll. How about you try reading like what Jovi does? Maybe you'll change your mind about choosing art to sustain a living."

There and then, I punched my dad right in the face and screamed curse words right at his face. He looked me in the eyes with terror reigning his face, tears leaking down his eyes and beads of sweat rolling vigorously down his skin. I picked out his newspaper that he always reads when he tries to ignore me and ripped it right in front of him.

"You are a self-centered ignorant, and you only care about yourself! You only cared about nothing but your ego and your personal needs ever since momma died! I hate you! I hate you! I fucking hate you so m─"

But I only watched that happen in my imagination as my father flipped yet another page of the paper that probably just came in this morning. He ripped off a page from the crossword puzzle and gave it to my brother who was playing his toys with Jovi.

Before I upped from the table, extremely out of place and indirectly ridiculed, I glanced at Jovi and ran back upstairs. For some reason I felt this peculiar, inexplicable feeling. As ironic as it seems, this inexplicable feeling can be easily summed up by the word 'hurt'. It was more than hurt though; it was a deeper feeling of loathe.

I abhorred the atmosphere that clouded me when I was at that table. My father spoke each and every word like it was an indirect insult to me. They all stared at me like I was some outcast. Some misfit. I did not know why they were treating me like I'm some crumpled piece of paper down the garbage chute.

I slammed the door shut and cried there. Something in me exploded and I thought of myself as immature innumerable times as I drew my knees closer to my chest, sitting on the ground, my back blocking the door. The heaviness grew and grew emotionally and even in weight, so I leaned against the door and cried.

It was immature of me to think Jovi would have been a better child than me. And it will always kill me to think that he is. That this guy I've indirectly confessed my feelings to is the person I envy the worst. This guy that I like not only is the man of my dreams but also my nightmare. It scares me.

Knocks were heard coming from the other side of the door and all I did was ignore it. I didn't want to talk. If I did so, the first thing that would happen was that I would probably explode into this crying mess.

Being human is shit and I don't think there is no two ways about that. These human emotions you feel are like some typographical error while using your typewriter; the dilemma is that you only have one shot at it. There's no stack of typewriting paper by your side whenever you make a mistake. Your scrap of irrevocable mistakes are forever written there and it becomes etched into your personality. It's like when you experience blunt trauma only that you happen to live through that moment happening and happening and happening. Again and again and again.

I stopped crying immediately when I heard a knock that wasn't from the other side of the door anymore. It was literally outside. Someone was knocking on my window.

And it was Jovi.

He waved at me agitatedly at the same time excitedly. That mouth of his ─ so lively and so full ─ formed that unmistakable curve that lifted the corners of his lips. Then his expression immediately changed when he signalled as if he was about to fall. The first instinct was to rush towards him, so I did.

I wiped my tears as I opened the window. My heart started beating faster as if it was palpitating when he hugged me the moment he was able to enter my room.

"Jo! What are you doing?" I asked in between chopped breaths. Jovi drew himself away from me, and I wondered why he did. It was no time to wonder. It was time to pretend I'm okay.

And then swiftly, without even a notice of time, he drew his lips against mine and pecked me on the lips very briefly and gave me that friendly smile again.

Which hurt in some way.

You kiss me and you smile at me like a frien─

I felt like there was of pink hearts that floated around me. This wind of unexplainable feelings that just breezed around me in a swirl of floating hearts and angels singing in a chorus. That was the thing that rung like a relentless bell in my ears.

"I'll treat you to ice cream. It's all on me. Now stop crying, okay?"

And instead of going downstairs to exit to the front door, we both collectively agreed to use my window to escape without leaving a trace.

We walked to the ice cream shop where this guy with a weird haircut named Rupert served us sundaes served in a cone. His haircut wasn't easy to get a hang of. He was a sight for sore eyes.

But what caught my eye the most was Jovi staring at me when I didn't look and him looking away when I look back, seeing him stifle a laugh. He reminded me of myself and I chuckled at that.

Contagious is a word to explain his smile. Whether it was broad, slight, dry or joyous it was so easy to say that just the look in his eyes could make you smile. He didn't need to beam a smile at you to make you do the same gesture; his presence was enough.

He stopped my tears as if it was by magic. Like he was just a spell from taking my sorrows away from me.

And he is. Maybe just a smile from him and all my worries would be gone in the blink of an eye.