subdued subtleties ━━ keanu reeves

XIII. THIS AIN'T RIGHT, CATFIGHT

❝ do you always
kiss every girl you become
friends with? ❞

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:
THIS AIN'T RIGHT, CATFIGHT

─────────────────────────

Yesterday still replayed again and again in my head; the images of the men in black still have not disappeared due to my panic. I was still curious of what that was, and the urge of asking Dad what those men were about still shook my impulse to death.

Markus stayed over for the weekdays and it thoroughly shook me to my unutterable jealousy. I tried focusing myself my undeniable hatred for how perfect Linda is, and I succeeded on fooling myself.

Linda and Jovi were so compatible that it stirred my jealousy round and round. They talked as if they've never seen each other for days, and it is true ─ just the fact that they act like they're in a relationship makes me cry while walking behind them.

I treat my feelings as a joke and I don't think there's anything new about it.

I constantly ignored these impulses to grab Linda by the hair and beat her until she was sore all because she was too pretty and too nice. It bugged me since the first day I met her how cool and Zen she was. Her unmistakable prettiness and kindness made me cry endlessly at nights for no reason at all.

Here we are again, at the same place weeks ago in my life. This tragedy repeated itself every single goddamned weekend Linda tried to visit here. There are some occurences where Jo chose to hang out with me with Linda as that miserable, sack of horse crap walking behind us.

But like a blue moon, it only happened maybe once. Then the rest, I am the walking horse crap waiting to be noticed.

Being the random third person in your friend's very special relationship hurts especially when they take your satirical insults too seriously. You can't say how they look they abnormal gummy bears melted together. It's true and they just won't admit it.

Then I looked the both of them. Just like before, I was that third wheel walking alone and hoping someone could just randomly be there to wrap his arm around my shoulder and then cling unto me. I always seem to do that and it just kills me that I do.

He then kissed Linda's forehead in a playful gesture, but I didn't think that was playful.

"Get a room!" I said, pissed off and irritated. They both stared at me, rolling my eyes. Jovi told Linda to never mind me, and just keep on talking. Sometimes I could never figure out the answer to this question that surrounded me whenever I'm around these two losers: Why do they still invite me to these trips to go uptown? I don't get it.

If they're just gonna coo at each other and pinch each other's noses childishly and smack each other's butts I don't think my role is any important here. A part of me still always thought that they were and still are childhood best friends who have played very important roles in each other's lives. Who am I, even? I'm just this weird little chick who wants some love and affection because she's a daddy-issued city girl.

I'm this lonely sack of horse crap who gets too easily attached to older men who have shown a particular interest in her. Now that he got what he wanted from me, I pretend like I didn't cry and tried to call him again.

That's my life, and it sucks. It's like wishing to be someone and someone and someone. Some guy hangs out with me for one day and talk about himself, and suddenly I am in love.

What bugs me the most is that I evem tried to deny completely what I felt for Jovi. My loneliness says that I do have feelings for the boy, but the smarter part of my brain says that it's just an infatuation and I shouldn't get attached. That thing about the infatuation is right, but I try my very best to dodge those hurtful words.

Now here they are, ordering take-out pizza in the mall when they should have had called in for a delivery. It's just gonna be him and Linda talking and talking about whatever future plans they wanna make.

Knowing that Jovi wants to be a lawyer, maybe I want a lawyer boyfrien─

"Do you always kiss every girl you become friends with?" I asked Jovi as we sat down the provided chairs in front of the cashier. He looked at me weird like I was just this stranger. Ah, what the hell.

"I don't know, Dahlia, but this isn't right."

And then I felt this urge to start a scene and rip Linda's scalp off her head, maybe even burying a thumb or two inside her eye sockets and grabbing a fork to stab right in her throat, but I didn't wanna cause that much of a scene─

"Why do you always treat me like shit whenever this bitch is around?" I raised my voice at Jovi, trying my best to choke out insults and hurtful words put together.

"Do you always kiss every girl you become friends with?!" I shouted. Heads started turning to watch, and eyes secretly pried on us. Strangers' attentions were focused on me, but I pretended like I didn't care.

"You always want me to go with you, but I'm just some loner walking behind you two!"

Enraged, Linda stood up and threw her hand on my cheek. Because I was dumb for thinking I should not go without a fight, I avenged my cheek by slapping her back.

"Why are you so mean to me? I never did you wrong!" shouted Linda at me. Her voice grew louder and louder as she ranted vociferously about herself.

"You think you're such a perfect fucking bitch when you're not! You act like you're so 'calm' and so 'prim and proper' when you're obviously a shit-eating bitch! I hate you! I hate you! Go to he─"

It was too late when Jovi decided to stop us both from our petty catfight. We were already down each other's throats, and we were both near to murdering each other ─ we didn't care at all now. Linda grabbed my hair and I grabbed hers, too. I didn't just sit here and walk behind them to let her win.

Then, seeing how I almost killed her, I took a step away and realized how much I messed up.

I hate catfights.