It's just us three now.

Chapter 3: the journal.

It's been one week and the journal is in the same place, untouched. Guess I should just write down something or anything. What to write though?. Let's start from the beginning, it's easy like that.
         Paw always used to say that it's just a long big break. Nothing is over yet. Sadly he was talking about war. No solider that returned from any war is never fully recovered. The bloodshed will shred away your humanity, leaving unhealable scars and you won't even notice the monster you've become. The pain is so deep that even unconditional love fails to heal the wounds. Grandpa was a steady person, always reserved, tough and looking dangerous. But he got drunk and cried many times at nights. He never knew that I know this. Once I saw that from the half opened door of his room, when I woke up in the middle of night for a snack. It was dark and I'm good at sneaking so he didn't notice. I felt very sad for him. The next day I asked him if he's sad about something. He replied that we shouldn't be sad about anything, the thought itself is unlikely. If you are not happy about a thing, sink it in. Be unhappy till u feel happy again. Trying is really important than failing. After listening to that I felt inspired, I mean he didn't exactly answer to my question but he wanted to help me become the better person. And I thought maybe I am too young for him to share his big depression. I wanted to help him when I grow up. Take care of him just like he was doing it to me. Weird thing is he always expected war. He said that he had this huge nuclear- free dungeon down in the basement of our bungalow. I didn't believ that. He instructed me to go there, if there ever was a war. I've never thought any of that would be real and laughed at it too. Now God must be laughing at me, watching me daily doing the same chores and taking the same shit. Guess I'm the only one who's entertaining him anymore.
                  It was a Sunday just like always we were supposed to go to the town church. There was news about some countries launching missiles but our government made sure of us to believe that there's nothing to worry. I wore a beautiful blue frock and came down to the hall. There I saw paw talking to someone over phone, for the first time he's scared, sweating and his head turned red. He turned towards me and gave me a fake smile with tears in his eyes. That's when I knew that we're all doomed, for good this time. He comes towards me and takes me down to the wine cellar in the basement. I asked him what's wrong ,he started weeping and hugging me. His words were " you are an angel that's been sent to me by the God himself. I've done terrible things sweetheart, I'm too ashamed to even tell 'em out loud. You are the purest thing I've seen in my entire life. Wish I could see you grow. I seemed for redemption in life through you. Hope my sins are forgiven. You see my child, I've got a call from one of my mates. Those filthy bastards lied to us, to avoid panic they mentioned, mother fuckin' liars! Listen to what I'm about to say, carefully Maddy! Be brave and strong , don't forget anything that I've taught you, even the slightest word. Darling you are gonna wake up in a strange world. Get used to it. Remember you are the hero, my lil' Princess". He kissed me hard and took out a bottle from the row. A small door beneath us opened, he pushed me in it and as it closed away I watched paw face for the last time. After a hour or so I heard the biggest bang. I cried for days, I did everything I've could but the seal won't get unlocked. Paw made sure everything was there in the bunk with all the candles,food, water, radio, satellite phone and a washroom with portable tank etc. I still have nightmares about it. After one month the door opens with a big sound. I rushed towards upstairs to see if paw and everyone was there. Since that day i never saw anyone. That whole year I just cried and cried and cried and prayed. And one day i realised Paw's words. Started trying instead of  failing. I moved away from bungalow. Initially it was very scary but as the days passed, i felt like I would give anything just to see one soul other than me in the mirror. I found a perfect place near by the river in town. It's just a small stream of river, surrounded by all the shops that are necessary. There's church nearby, also a mall some miles away. I made sure I got everything to survive. Food, clothes, home, tampons,medicines etc.
    I think that's enough for today. Wow this actually works. I feel like writing more things but I should just go to sleep now.