It's just us three now.

Chapter 4: the holiday.

I woke up with new enthusiasm. For a change I'm gonna go to the cascade waters to have a picnic with crystal, it's not so far from the house. I prepare two sandwiches and a wine bottle, pack em in the hamper. I took out my boots, goggles,hat, Polaroid camera, towel, earphones, iPod, bathing suit, SUV lotion, spare clothes and also the journal along with me. I got to the stable and untie crystal from there, I climb on it. Yep! We're good to go ' HEE HAW'...I yell.
               This is a wonderful day, the climate, it's terrific! I'm happy with my decision. I plan these dates with myself so that I won't go insane sitting in the home before TV all day. The day is brighter and the water is warmer. I've decided to take a dip ,so I strip till I'm completely naked and dive right into the waters. After 2hours of a nice swim and lewd thoughts, I crawl back to the rocky shore. I take the turkey towel out and dry myself with it. I wear a yellow bikini with dark green leaves on it which I took it from the mall last month and apply the lotion to myself. I put on my goggles and sit under the sun to get some tan. I'm not a pale person, but I just prefer a darker skin complexion. I think it suits me. Nowadays i feel like I'm no longer that little girl i used to be. I'm growing into a beautiful woman. I can tell cause my breasts and my hip areas are enlarging tremendously, not a hairy person though. I still remember the day I got my first period, I was 14 then.It was the year after the big thing happened. I spent the whole day in the bathroom, i figured everything out ,all by myself. I felt sad, lonely and very scared, and I still feel like that. Wait, i should not be thinking so much and use the journal already.
I change into a one piece dress that I brought with me, it's a light pink linen, knee length, sleeveless frock that I found in one of the indian khadi store that's in the town. Finally i start to write in the journal while eating the lunch and drinking wine from glass with earphones in my ears, i have no idea what I'm listening but it has a nice beat.
              I wanted to be an independent person when I grow up, far from people. Irony is that it became true yet I'm not happy. Hence we might be wrong about what we want and what we need all the time. It's what being an adult means, whatever you choose, you should stand by it and if you regret it, you should be man enough to change it. In my scenario, there isn't any other choice. This is the only option I'm given.The year before the last year I thought of quitting for good.
It's been 4 years since I saw anyone. I have this huge void inside me, it's growing like cancer day by day. I don't know how to stop it. No matter how bright the day is, all i feel is like I'm in a dark room wit a candle and all the things I need. It's like i got shifted into a bigger bunk that's all, nothing has changed.But I want so much more, guess I'm never gonna have anything more than this.
                  I should be home till it gets dark outside. I pack all my things, climb on crystal and we start heading towards home.
           Its 6pm and I'm thinking what I should have for the dinner today. This summer is really really hot, I dunno if it's me or the climate, I can't tell. I'm a teenager now and my hormones are....let's just say that it's normal to say that they aren't normal.I'm being horny these days.
I go to terrace to check if the solar panels are alright, that's how I get the electricity. They are really precious to me. That's the reason why I even choose this house. It's a one storeyed building, has enough rooms for one family with a big lawn Infront of it which I turned into a nice garden with different flowers and there's also a  garage in the backyard with space big enough for my cattle to stay under the shed that I've built. Besides garden i also have a vegetable farm and rice field across the place.I had it all fenced up. I also have a store room and a basement. Just like paw used to have, I made a wine cellar there but there aren't any nuclear free secret bunks, i promise. I don't think anyone is out there with nukes just for me. Even if anything like that happens, this time I won't cheat, I'm still paying my price for that.
    I come downstairs and see the hamper that I left on the dining table. I clean everything out and when I'm about to put the used clothes in the laundry box, I notice that top piece of the bikini is missing. Ugh! I must have left it on shore now I'm gonna have to pick up another swim suit from the mall. 
I get changed, do my chores, prepare my dinner, eat it and I'm about to go to bed.
I totally forget about the journal and gets to sleep.