"Imagine if..." Btd hah

Strade and lawrence

[ note: I'm back! I think I'll be writing more often now. :) this isn't a ship imagine! This is actually like.. pretty gorey. I'm just in the mood for gore. ]
Tw: gore.

Strade and Lawrence had been dating for a few months. At first, it was great. Strade enjoyed it, and Lawrence seemed to like it. Though Strade had been worried about Lawrence recently.. he had been acting strange. Cryptic, almost. As if the world didn't exist, as if HE didn't exist. Saying strange things like if lawrence has killed strade, he wouldn't actually die, because he didn't exist. This made strade quite worried, actually- to the point where he suggested a break in the relationship. That hurt Lawrence a lot, he didn't understand, but they took a break anyway. Not even an hour later, the pain was unbearable. He missed strade. He missed playing with his curly hair, he missed kissing him and cuddling him, he missed feeling their bare skin touch each other when the lights were off. He missed looking at him at night. He missed the thoughts he had about strade, about cutting him open and slowly removing his spine, keeping it for himself. He wanted to kill Strade, make him his forever. But he couldn't think of the thought, he loved strade, didn't he?
The next day, strade had come over to visit Lawrence in his apartment, just to check up on him. Lawrence was sleeping at the time, so when he heard strades knock, he had answered the door, but he looked messy. He invited strade in, hugging him immediately, putting his hand under strades shirt and rubbing his finger up strades back. Strade shivered slightly, patting lawrences back. "Hey schatz, how've you been? I thought I'd check on you to make sure you were ok." Strade said, laughing slightly as lawrences icy blue eyes seemingly stared into his soul. After a few seconds, strade let out an awkward chuckle. Lawrence didn't stop looking at him, his hand slowly making its way around strade's neck. Strade gulped a little, looking at Lawrence questionably. "What're you doing, lieb?" Strade said, as Lawrence slowly tightened his grip. Without warning, Lawrence *threw* strade's body at his table of plants, hurting some plants and breaking vases in the process. Lawrence was now choking him with both hands, shaking him violently, screaming about how Strade didn't trust him, and that if he didn't trust him, he meant nothing to him while he was alive. Strade was clawing at Lawrence's hands, crying silently. Eventually, Lawrence had stopped for a second, enough for Strade to choke out some words. "What's wrong with you, Lawrence?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!?" Strade had said, holding his neck, which now had red hand marks on it. Lawrence didn't react to that nicely, grabbing Strade and pushing him out to the balcony (just pretend they had one.)
Lawrence pushed Strade up to the bar, the only thing keeping them both from falling. "I'll push you over," law started, "I'll kill you right now. I'll watch you fall off and die." Law said, laughing a little, as he pushed him a bit further off the bar. Strade choked back a small sob, trying to push Lawrence back. Law, out of impulse, started screaming about how he'll let go and push him off. After those words left his mouth, he aggressively pushed Strade off the balcony. As soon as it happened, he regretted it. He watched Strade fall to his death, breaking his bones and bashing his head in. Lawrence ran down the stairs, almost tripping and falling down them, but he already heard people screaming. Crying, Lawrence ran over to where strades body was, seeing he was already dead, he cried harder, holding strade's dead body up to his chest.

To this day, he still thinks of that. Especially when he takes strade's body out of his closet, kissing him softly. No matter how cold or how dead he may be, Lawrence knows he's alive.