'Every girl can be nasty' (Machine Gun Kelly)

36.

It had been three weeks and Kells had started to talk to me after less than two weeks, at first I was able to put on a big act when we were on FaceTime but as soon as that call ended I would go back, to being sad. I didn't have anyone else to talk to since I had completely cut off Alecia.

I felt so stupid, I had been drinking and stressing myself out so much in the first couple of weeks and it had taken a toll on my body. I ended up in hospital for a a couple of days, and I couldn't even bring myself to ring him, so he was still oblivious to what had happened. I wanted to save him the pain, and that why when he said he wanted me back after a couple of weeks I told him no, I was dealing with all this guilt and I needed to fix myself before focusing on my relationship.

I'd miscarried...and I couldn't stop blaming myself for it. I was so caught up on pointless shit, that I didn't even notice that I was pregnant.

It was like my own head was messing with me, I'd started to have pregnancy symptoms, I kept being sick and feeling dizzy, it wasn't helping. I'd gotten in touch with someone I could talk to and it had started to help, I didn't feel guilty anymore, and I knew how to combat any of those feelings if they were to arise.

I knew in my head exactly when that baby was conceived, and I knew that I would've been coming up to three months, keeping track was my way of acknowledging that I was actually pregnant at one point, and it helped.

..............................................

One week later.

"Come home? I can't live without you."

"What?" I peeked up as gave him a shy smile.

"You heard." He laughed through the phone.

"hmm...ok, I've missed you, and...everything is right when I'm with you." I said as I teared up.

"Don't start crying, pack your shit up, and come home." He laughed, as I saw his eyes light up.

"Hurrryyyy, I need you! I can't cry to a romance movie with my dad!" I laughed as I heard Casie's voice in the background.

"I love babe, see you soon."

"Love you bye." I answered

"Love you!" Casie shouted out of view.

"Love you too!" I said before the call ended.

Maybe they were all the medicine I needed. I packed my stuff and got home as quickly as I could.

.......................

By the time evening came I was being held in the arms that I had missed so badly and I was carefully braiding Casie's hair for the night, whilst we watched the film she had picked out.  It may not have seemed like much, but this was what I loved, just the simple things about our relationship.

Once I finished her hair I had washed my hands and gone to get the chicken wings I had made, after insisting I wanted wings more than ribs I found myself feeling extremely disappointed when just the smell of them made my stomach turn. I instantly gagged a little, and both Casie, and Kells noticed.

"Are you- holy shit!" Kells said as I almost puked.

"Run!" Casie said as I practically ran as If I was superman,managing to make it to the toilet in time.

One thing I hated about vomiting, was that it was so disgusting that it made me want to be sick even more.

" I think you might be pregnant?" Kells said, I knew it couldn't be possible and when I turned round and saw the him beaming with happiness, I was sick again, It took everything in me to not burst into tears.

I rinsed my mouth out with the mouthwash that was nearby, there were no toothbrushes since it was a downstairs bathroom.

"I think you should take-" he started.

"I'm not pregnant I've already taken a te-"

"It could be wrong so you-"

"It's not wrong, I went to the doctor and He said I'm not pregnant it's something I've eaten." I said, without making eye contact.

"Why didn't you mention that you were sick babe, I would've brought you home!"

"It's fine I'll be better soon." I smiled at him.

He smiled playfully rolling his eyes at me before walking away...