Quaranfling

EPILOGUE

"Hey! What's up, guys? It's me again, Neily."

I gave my sweetest smile and fix my hair a bit. It's exactly one hour before my birthday. I decided to make a livestream countdown to lessen the pain that I am feeling right now. I gently waved my hands before fixing the angle of my camera.

"Thank you for being with me tonight. I really appreciate it. Also, I want to thank some of my solid viewers for sending me your gifts."

Isa isa kong kinuha ang mga regalo at ipinakita sakanila. Binasa ko rin ang mga mensahe at pangalan ng mga sender. Nagpasalamat ako sakanila at naging emosyonal ng kaunti. I really appreciate them, for supporting me and my videos. Masaya akong malaman na marami akong napapasaya at na-iinspire.

"Dahil birthday ko may pa-give away akong tatlong ring light."

I browse the comments and saw a lot of them requesting a song and asking questions. Sinagot ko muna ang ilang tanong bago kunin ang aking gitara.

I am smiling from ear to ear while strumming my guitar. As I closed my eyes, Ahmed's image appreared on it. Nagulat ako kaya agad din akong nagmulat ng mata.

Why do you build me up Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down and mess me around
And then worst of all you never call, baby
When you say you will but I love you still
I need you  more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up Buttercup, don't break my heart

"Next song is requested by Charles."

Leaves will soon grow from the bareness of trees
And all will be alright in time
From waves overgrown come the calmest of seas
And all will be alright in time
Oh you never really love someone until, you learn to forgive

Ilang minuto nalang ay papatak na ang alas dose. Kaarawan ko na, pero 'yong taong nangakong pasasayahin ako sa araw na 'to ay wala na. Sadness instead of happiness. Mas lalo lamang akong nawalan ng gana sa araw na 'to. Mas lalo lamang nadagdagan ng masamang ala-ala ang kaarawan ko.

"For my last song, it is dedicated for someone close to my heart," my voice almost cracked but I still manage to compose myself and start strumming.

Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do

Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Pasimple akong yumuko upang alisin ang mumunting luha sa aking mata. After that, I faced them and smiled  like nothing happened.

Ipinagpatuloy ko ang live at nakipag-usap sakanila. I entertained few of their questions. They made me choose between two things, too. But suddenly, someone caught my attention.

"Hi useriya," I greeted her before reading his question. "How's your quarantine, ate? Ano po ang masasabi mo sa mga mag-jowa na naghiwalay ngayong lockdown?"

Palihim akong natawa sa aking isipin. Little did they know, I'm also one of them. With or without label, kapag talaga iniwan ka masasaktan ka.

"Honestly, hindi ko rin alam kung bakit madaming naghihiwalay ngayong lockdown. Pero ang masasabi ko lang, wag kayong malungkot at manghinayang. Kapag iniwan ka 'wag mong iisipin na iniwan ka, kasi hindi ka niya iniwan. God removed him/her for you. Isipin mo nalang kung 'yong maling tao nga napasaya ka, what more kung nasa tamang tao na diba?"

I badly want to mock myself for saying that. Alam ko sa sarili ko na mahirap at masakit ang bagay na 'yon. Never naging madali ang moving on stage. But acceptance is the key. Kailangan mong tanggapin ang katotohanan para makausad ka.

"Para naman sa mga ghoster out there, please STOP. Ghosting is not a joke. Huwag niyong gagambalain ang taong nananahimik kung maglalaro lang pala kayo. If you think that ghosting is cool, stop that mindset already."

Sinagot ko pa ang ilan sa mga tanong bago ipamigay ang tatlong ring light. I ended the live at exactly 12:00 in the midnight.

Kinabukasan, inubos ko ang oras ko sa pag-eehersisyo. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman. Masyado niya akong sinanay sa presensya niya, tapos bigla nalang siyang nawala na parang bula.

I knew it. It's my fault. I shouldn't fall for his trap. Hindi ko nalang sana siya pinansin pa.

"Breaking news: Covid patient d-091119, Mr. Ahmed Nool Azarcon of Our Lady of Fatima, died yesterday at exactly 1:11 in the Afternoon."

I was drinking water when I heard the news. Napatulala ako at nabitawan ang baso na hawak ko. Tila ba nabingi ako, at namanhid ang buong katawan ko. Hindi ko alam kung hallucination ko lang ba 'yon o talagang iniwan niya na ako.

"Ahmed," I whispered and let my tears fall. Mas gugustuhin ko pang iwan niya nalang ako at ipagpalit sa iba, kesa naman iwan niya ako sa ganitong paraan.

Ahmed Azarcon. The man of my dreams, died yesterday. He lost his life on the same date of my birthday.