The nameless

MY...justification

Your opinion, my justification

                •Your point of view•

You walk down the busy street to your local bar.
You've been completely miserable, you miss Joey so much.
It's almost like you are fighting yourself. You want him, you even feel that you need him but something inside keeps reminding you of how he hurt you. That something that keeps reminding you of the bad parts in your relationship keeps killing all the love and hope you have for getting back with Joey.
You are so angry. You feel betrayed and hurt. You feel as if you should have never let him get to know you, he used you just like every other guy.

Deep down you know your relationship with Joey was more good than bad but that little voice in your head keeps convincing you that it was so awful.

You hope to never have to see him again, that would make it so much easier for you.

You think if you see him you might break. Your whole being might come crumbling to pieces.

There is a part of you that wants to go to his place and ask to start over again, but then again that voice keeps yelling, screaming at you to hate him.

You want to hate him because hating is so much easier than forgiveness. Hating him is so much easier than acknowledging the pain. Hate is so much easier.
But deep down you don't hate him, in fact you love him so much and yes love does over power hate, but your conscience won't even let you admit that you really do love him.

It's like you have gone into a lock down.
Your body is so scared of getting hurt again that it refuses to let you love him.

You want to believe Joey would never hurt you but he already has.

Every day you feel yourself breaking more and more. The internal battle that you are fighting is breaking you.

You wish it was easy and that you could either just love Joey or just hate him. Having both emotions is such a time consumer.

Part of you is just telling you to run, to get as far away from this town as possible. But you like it here.

You open the door to the bar and walk in.

The bartender smiles at you. He knows you pretty well, especially considering you come here every single night.

It's easier to drink away your problems then to face them.

And maybe that's your problem, you want everything to be easy but it's not. Nothing about this has been easy.

Your unrealistic hopes might be controlling you.

You wish it was easy, you wish everything was easy. You wish things just went smoothly and happened the way you wanted.
You wish it was easy to get rid of these emotions.
You want it to be easy but it's not.
You want to be able to just pick one emotion and stick with it.

"Hey (Y/N). How are you?" The bartender who's name is Ron asks you.

You groan and he sighs.

"You know I hope one day you will stop coming here because than at least I will now that you aren't in so much pain," Ron smiles sadly.

You chuckle, "Are you trying to get rid of me Ron?"

Ron busts into laughter.

"Definitely not. I love seeing your face, I just wish you where happier," Ron says sympathetically.

"You know, me too man. Me too," you reply.

Ron nods.

"That man really did a number on you," Ron grumbles.