The nameless

Hate

I know the only thing I ever really loved, was hate!

•You're point of view•

You sigh as you sit on the comfy couch with a cup of tea in your hands. Your mind is swirling, you wish it had an off button so you could shut it up.

"What's on your mind?" Chris asks as he walks over to the chair across from the large couch. He takes a seat and stares at you expectantly.

"Maybe there's something wrong with me," you sigh as you bite your bottom lip.

"What do you mean?" Chris frowns.

"I just-, so many people keep hurting me and leaving me. There's got to be something I've done right? Like there can't be this many bad people that I've let into my life. I must be the problem," you quiver as you finally let out your thoughts.

"There's nothing wrong with you (Y/N). You're just so nice and people take advantage of that," Chris sighs as he takes a sip of coffee.

"So I should stop being nice," you mutter as you stare out the window.

"I never said that," Chris tells you, "kindness is who you are, don't change that just because of the actions of others."

"Well how else am I supposed to keep safe then?!" You snap as you look over at him.

"Why can't I ever be safe? Why are people always doing this crap to me? What did I do to deserve it!? I've done nothing!" You yell as you feel your anger and sadness boiling over.

Chris stands up and walks over to you. He sits down on the couch next to you and wraps his arms around you.

"I'd keep you safe," Chris mutters as a single tear slips out of your eyes and down onto his shirt.

"I know you would but you can't be with me twenty-four seven," you sigh as you wrap your arms around Chris and frown.

"Take a self defense class maybe?" Chris mutters as he rubs your back lightly.

"Maybe," you tell him simply.

You can feel your fingers twitching and your body craving that toxin that makes you numb.

"Do you have any beer?" You question even though you know Chris won't let you drink.

"You're not drinking," Chris says firmly as he looks down at you.

"Just one drink Chris! To quiet the thoughts," you beg.

Chris shakes his head.

"There are other things you can do to calm your mind. You know drinking is not the answer, if anything you're more explosive when you're drunk," Chris reminds you.

"Just one drink. I'm not going to drink more then one," you plead, ignoring everything he just said.

Chris shakes his head again.

"We both know that's a lie," Chris says.

You huff and roll your eyes.

"Let's watch a movie and see if that takes your focus off things," Chris suggests as he slowly releases his grip on you.

"It's not going to work," You grumble as you feel a negative vibe flowing through you.

The urge to drink only increases since Chris told you no. When you can't have something you tend to want it more. Just like Joey. You know you can't get back with him yet you want him so much it's killing you.
Chris stands up and walks over to his large tv.