Our Memories......The Second Time Around

Chapter Fifteen

Sanem was asleep on the sofa, when Can made it back from his run. He quickly showered and started dinner. He was making a mental note of all fruits and vegetables he would need, maybe he could get Mihriban to bring over what she had from the garden and then buy the rest. He had a lot of good recipes that he could make. Mevkibe of course would help him if he needed. With dinner ready, he started trying to wake Sanem, she was hard to rouse, but finally he had her up and heading to the table. She was groggy and without an appetite, he tried to make her eat but she only wanted to sleep. After a while he helped her to the bedroom, undressed her and got her in bed. He had never seen her so out of it. He wondered if that was normal, but she seemed ok otherwise. He tried not to worry, he didn't want to alarm Sanem or anyone else by being paranoid. He tucked her in and went to clean the kitchen. It was still fairly early, so he took a book and got comfortable on the sofa. He hadn't realized how tired he was himself, and before he knew he was sleeping soundly. 

He woke sometime during the night, disoriented and confused. It took a minute for him to adjust to where he was. He sat up, stretching out the kinks in his back and then he started to the bedroom to finish out his night in their bed. Sanem wasn't there, seeing the light on in the bathroom, he opened the door, and there she was lying on the floor. He ran to her, calling her name, he could see that she had gotten sick and evidently was so weak she couldn't make it back to bed. He cradled her In his arms and started to the bed, that's when he saw the blood, on the floor and soaked on her pajamas. It shocked him so much he almost  dropped her on the floor. He stumbled and tripped, getting her to the bed. He was in a pure panic of what to do, "What is happening." the thoughts bombarded his head. His heart was pounding so hard it hurt his chest. He wrapped her in a blanket and ran to the car, put her in, still calling her name, "Sanem, bebek, please wake up, are you ok." He pleaded with her to answer. He jumped in, calling his dad, as he tore off down the road towards the hospital. Aziz answered, " Can, my son, are you ok?" He asked. Can's panicked voice echoed through the phone, " Dad I'm taking Sanem to the hospital, I found her unconscious on the floor, dad she's bleeding. I don't know what's happening, please call her parents and come to the hospital." He begged. He was crying, and still talking to Sanem, pleading with her to respond, but she was still silent. 

The drive to the hospital seemed to take hours, he even ran a couple of red lights, out of  frustration. About 5 minutes away from the hospital, Sanem finally started to come to, calling Can's name. " I'm here my love, I'm right here. You're going to be ok. He stuttered. She sat up,       " What happened Can, where are we going." She cried. " I have a horrible headache." She moaned, rubbing head. " I really don't feel good." She said. Can tried to hide the fear that had griped him, that panicked feeling of dread. He pulled into the emergency parking lot, grabbed her up from the car in his arms and ran through the doors. A nurse met with a wheelchair, he placed her in it, the nurse was asking him a multitude of questions, but his mind he gone blank, all he could say was, " This is my wife and she's 8 weeks pregnant, please help her."  He sobbed  as they wheeled her down the hall, instructing him to stay in the waiting room and someone would let him know what was going on. He was weak with fear, " Why did this happen, they had been so careful,......Damn it, they had been so happy. Were they not suppose to be happy, was that just not in the cards for them." His hurt was deep, wrenching at his heart, wishing he was there with Sanem. He knew she had to be scared." 

 Aziz and Mihriban found Can sitting in the waiting room, head in his hands, sobbing for the unknown. Aziz ached for his son, " Can, what happened, have you heard anything," He asked. Can stood and reached for his dad, the release was automatic and immediate, that rush of tears that he had held back, he could hold no longer. Her parents along with Leila and Emre, rushed in the door. The questions were rampant and his answers seemed empty, " I don't know what happened," He answered, I just found her there, on the floor." He cried. They tried to comfort him, but the guilt had set in. " Why had he fell asleep on the sofa, if he had been in bed with her, maybe he could have done something," He tortured himself with " what if's"  He needed to know something, anything, it had been so long since they took her back why had they not talked to him. 

A while later a doctor walked down the hall towards the family, " Are you the Divit family?" He asked. Can stepped forward, " Yes, I'm Can Divit, my wife..... The doctor put his hand on his shoulder, " Your wife will be fine, but I'm sorry, she lost the baby." He said. His head rang with the words, they echoed like in a tunnel. He shook his head, " No, doctor, that can't be, we did everything right, I did everything right.......He covered his face with his hands, rubbing them hard against his skin, he want to claw something, yell at someone, but who......The doctor was explaining to him that he could see her in a little while, soon as they had her comfortable in her room. " Mr. Divit, these things happen, for whatever reason. But your wife is fine, and will be able to conceive again. And again, I'm sorry." Mevkibe and Nihat were consoling each other, worried for there daughter. She had been through so much in her short life, more than most people, it made them ache to think what this might do to her. Can turned and went outside, he needed air, this burning in his gut was so intense. How would he face her, he had let her down. "Why, why"He yelled, slamming his fist into the building, until it bled. Emre had followed him and watched him as he lost control, he grabbed him, " Abi, stop, it's not your fault. These things happen, that's what the doctor said." He shouted. " You have to pull your self together before you go in to see Sanem, don't let her see you like this. Be strong for her." You both can help each other through this." He pleaded. Can was the first one in to see her. Her health was fine, but the family was worried about her mentally. How would she cope. 

Can stood at the door, trying to prepare his heart for the devastation she  would feel. Be there for her, hold her, love her, that's all she needs now. His mind was channeling these words to him. He opened the door, her petite body was rolled up in a ball, with her back to the door. He slipped in, not making a sound, but she knew he was there, she always knew.

" Can I'm so sorry, I lost our baby.....can you ever forgive me.......Sanem whispered, feeling the worst pain she had ever felt..