Our Memories......The Second Time Around

Chapter Sixteen

His heart, that was broke, broke even more at the sight of her. So small and fragile now, she looked beaten, destroyed. He walked around the bed to face her, hiding the worst pain he had ever felt, " My love, it's wasn't your fault, you did nothing wrong." He said softly. " The doctor said you will be fine, We will......" Can, I'm not fine, I'll never be "fine" again. She interrupted.             " Our baby is gone, like it never happened, how could I not do this." The most natural thing in the world for a woman to give the man she loves, and I couldn't even do that. Am I punished for being happy,"  She cried. Her eyes were dark, sad, the light gone from them. She stroked his face, " I have disappointed you again, you, the love of my life.  I have caused you pain, I can see it in your eyes and feel it from your heart,...it's broken."  Can leaned in to kiss her cheek, "Nothing could be farther from the truth, we will hurt together, cry together, you and I together." He whispered to her. He took her hand, kissing it and sliding his fingers through her hair. Although he was broken, his main concern was Sanem, he would be there to help her mend, they would mend each other with love." He held her until she fell asleep, her face pale and drawn from the sadness in her heart. He left her to sleep and went to join their families, Deren and CeyCey and arrived from the office, their faces full of sorrow for the couple.

Can's body was tired, but his mind wouldn't give in. Her family peeked in on her as she slept, just to satisfy their hearts, then took a taxi home. They assured Can they would be there for him when he brought her home. They would keep her overnight, to keep an eye on her for any complications. One by one the family and friends left, urging Can to go home too and get some rest. Can refused, he would stay with her, be there for her until their hearts were healed. He was alone now, as he watched her sleep the tears came, he mourned his child that his heart had already excepted and loved. It ached for the empty feeling he had, but he did this in silence. She was more important now, getting her through this heartache with all the love his heart could provide her. She was his life.....

At some point of the night he succumbed to sleep, leaning over her bed with her hand in his. She  awoke, faced with him, sleeping, he looked peaceful but she knew he wasn't. She studied his face, how would she be able to make this up to him. They were so happy, but their love always came with so much pain, testing the very soul of it. She was beginning to think she was toxic to him, the lies that had hurt him, pushing him away with distrust of him, causing him to lose his memory, now this, depriving him of a living part of himself. Would they survive it? She wanted to, but she felt so empty and guilty. He stirred and opened his eyes, what was usually a face of love and desire was fitted with a mask of sorrow, the eyes that always welcomed him now shied away from his gaze. The guilt had taken her and he didn't know if he could rescue her,  but he was never leaving her. 

" Good morning my love," he said kissing her fingers. She smiled a slight smile, but her eyes darted away, not wanting to dwell there. The tears welled up in her eyes, " Good morning," she said. " You stayed the night?" She asked. " Of course, I'm wherever you are." He stated. " How do you feel, ready to go home? " He asked rubbing her arm. She nodded her reply, " When can we go, I'm really sick of this place." She remarked. Can looked with concern at her, he guessed it was normal for a woman to be like this after a loss, but it was totally different from her, it scared him. Within minutes the doctor came in with the nurse, " Mrs. Divit, you're labs were good, so you can leave when you feel up to it." Just take it a bit slow for a few days." He advised. " And again, there was nothing you did for this to happen, don't blame yourself.  Try to resume you normal routine as soon as possible. If you need anything don't hesitate to call." He shook Can's hand and left, leaving the nurse to get her ready to leave. With paperwork in hand, they started out. He ran and got the car and pulled around for her, getting her in. As he leaned across to buckle her, she grabbed him around the neck, the tears came uncontrollably as she clung to him. They released the pent up sorrow that had buried within them, together. 

The talk on the way home was general, about nothing specific, but at least she was talking. Mevkibe and Leila would meet them at their house, for Can's support, and for a mother's shoulder for Sanem to cry on. They were a welcomed sight for Sanem, someone else to look at besides Can. Her guilt made her feel uncomfortable around him, although he had shown nothing but love for her, it would take a while for her to except what had happened. But she wouldn't shut him out, she would love him for his support of her, this man that she loved with all of her heart. Her mother took over a bit, shooing Can out to take a breather. She knew it was time to have that mother, daughter talk she has always meant to have. " Sanem, I know I haven't told you or Leila this before, but I  also lost a child , our first one. It was much like this experience it just happened, for no reason." It was hard on us both, but your father cradled me with such love that before I knew it I was pregnant again with Leila." Not that I don't think about that loss but what I have now so satisfied my heart that there no room for sadness." Stay open to Can, let the two of you mourn together. It's a united thing, join it with him. That will make the difference." The girls were shocked at her admission and her advice was just what she needed. It felt like her heart was lighter, and a little spark inside her ignited, making her want to see and touch Can. She wanted to mourn with him, not mourn for him. 

After Can's workout, he returned to the house. Mevkibe and Leila we're preparing to leave,                   " You're leaving so soon." He asked, shocked was wasn't suggesting to stay the night. " Yes, my son, you have it covered," She replied. " All thats needed now, is the two of you,  and your love."      " I think she waiting for you in the bedroom, she needs you more than ever Can." 

He's eyes clouded with tears, his mother-in-law was so wise, in the way of love and sacrifice. 

He knew, beyond a doubt, how much he needed Sanem, now and for the rest of his life.