Our Memories......The Second Time Around

Chapter Twenty Two

She was sitting up in the bed when he opened the door and walked in which surprised him. Her look was that of one defeated, robbed, and left unworthy. He knew the words that he would say, would mean nothing to her, she already knew them all. So he said nothing, just crawled up in the bed beside her and laid his head on her shoulder. His disappointment escaped from him in the form of tears, tears he couldn't control. They were for her, him and most of all, for yet another child they would have to wait to see. His heart was broken, and the only one that could help him was Sanem, which she did, as she held him in her arms. His hurt and pain eased hers, she had to protect him now, they hurt together, and they would heal together, still bonded heart and soul.

They had lost another part of their heart, but she knew they would be strong enough to endure this pain and move on. His eyes held hers, in a gaze of love, " Sanem, I love you more with every breath I take, I'm sorry for us both, so let's go home and try to heal." He said with tears filling his eyes. She smiled, " Can, we will be ok, i know it will happen, we just need to stay strong." We had waited for our love, for how long? She asked, " We didn't give up then, so we won't give up now." She whispered to him. He admired her so much, her strength had always amazed him and he was willing to do anything for her. The nurse came in and released her, he took her hand and they left the hospital, again.... with an emptiness that would take them both to fill.

She had a quiet determination about her this time, the drive home was quiet but she wasn't quite as sad and lost as before. As they came in, she went straight to the notebook, and started to write. Can asked, " Sanem, your still writing?  Why?  She smiled, " A child will happen for us one day, and this book will be for them. It will show the love we had for each life we have lost and for each life we will have. That we didn't lose our love for us, it only grew." She spent the rest of the evening writing, and Can comforted her as she cried at the words she wrote. She fell asleep, exhausted from the hours of pouring her heart and soul onto the pages of her  notebook. He carried her to bed, she snuggled against him, her smell calmed his heart. Why this heartache for them, he wondered, was it because they loved each other so deeply. Whatever the reason, he was sure they would over come this and be allowed their family one day. 

As she slept, her mind took her to the a place she had never seen before, but it was beautiful. A field of white wildflowers, the aroma from the flowers smelled like her cream.  The field stretched for as far as she could see, they waved and swayed with the gentle breeze. She was there, sitting in the middle of the flowers her notebook propped against her bent knees. She sat with a smile on her face while she wrote. She didn't see the words on the paper, they seemed to be invisible, but she was happy at what they were saying. The words seemed to be in her mind, repeating, " We are here, we are here." Over and over, making her smile more and more. Then she saw images of two small children running and playing in the flowers, happy and content. She tried to see them clearly, but all she saw was their beautiful brown hair flowing as they danced and played. She laughed as she watched them, so happy, then she was awake. She sat up in the bed, confused at what she had dreamed, where had she been in all those flowers. And the two babies, who were they, where they their babies. Her heart still smiling and laughing as she was in the dream, but so warm with love it scared her. Her eyes didn't close again, she remembered this dream over and over, as if it lived in her mind. Would she tell Can about her dream, maybe, but not just yet, she wanted to study it for awhile, to try and figure out what it meant.

She was still up when Can woke up. " Sanem, bebek, why are you up so early, do you feel ok? He asked. She smiled, with an honest relief in her heart, " Yes my love, I feel fine, in fact more than fine."  She stated. She felt renewed and her heart lighter, with every recollection of the dream she had the night before. She had recorded every detail of the vision she had dreamed, dissecting it and analyzing it with logic. But she had her own logic, that came from her soul,.....her babies were with her. Their time would come, for their family and all the happiness that it would bring. He thought she had a different look about her this morning, but couldn't put his finger on it. "Lets eat something, ok. I'll make some pancakes, you always love those." He whispered to her, kissing her on the neck. She welcomed his touch, " Yes, that's sounds good," she said. Turning to kiss his lips, she felt the emptiness that had been inside her fill with love. He caressed her, holding her tight, knowing she was healing her heart with their love. 

11 Months Later......

"Mrs. Divit, you ultrasound shows everything to be normal and on time. This is week 27, so we want you to be careful from now on, we want to keep these three bundles of joy inside you as long as possible. We will see again in 2 weeks." Can helped her up and out to the car, " You heard what the doctor said, lots of rest....got it." He ordered. Kissing her forehead as he buckled his beautiful family In.....

Sanem smiled, " Yes daddy, whatever you say." she replied touching her large belly.

She was living the best part of her life right now. Her heart so full of love she thought it may burst.......