Our Memories......The Second Time Around

Chapter Eighteen

Sanem couldn't sleep, the evening before was still playing along in her mind. She was up, sitting by the pool, with her notebook in her hand, almost before the sun was up. Just the talk of her books and the people questioning her for a another one, stirred that need in her. Her mind was working overtime, thinking of all the possibilities, but also the problems of writing another book. But she knew she wanted to. If she just started jotting down ideas, seeing where it might take her. Would she continue there life story, there was definitely enough there to tell. Some would be to personal and might hurt to much, but that was life, a real life of love and how you keep it. She could most certainly write an instruction booklet on how to do that. She was so involved in her thoughts she never heard Can come out, " Sanem, are you ok," He asked, staring at her with concern. " Oh bebek, yes, I just woke early and didn't want to disturb you." She stated. He leaned down kissing her on the top of the head. " Your notebook?" He said, pointing at the pink notebook she held, open but with nothing written on the pages. 

She smiled, " Yes, I'm thinking," she said, " trying to decide if there anything left inside me to write."  Can was surprised, she hadn't talked about another book until last night. " So, what would you write about." He asked. She turned looking in his eyes, " Us,  the thing I love the most."....." What do you think." She asked shyly. He lowered his head, " Do you mean everything, all of it." He asked quietly. His face held the pain from months before, not sure of it, but willing to discuss it. " Yes, I think it might help other couples, you know, help them cope with a loss like ours" She said.  " We have, I mean we've coped with it and excepted it and placed it our hearts to stay." Maybe we could help someone else do that too." She expressed. Her eyes danced with excitement, he loved her so much for being that type of person, caring, always thinking of someone else. Could he say no to her? 

"Do you think you can, I do see the need for such a book, but will it hurt to much." He questioned. "I don't know, I thought I'd just write a little and see how it felt." She replied. " It doesn't mean I have to publish it, it would be like a diary, maybe just for us." She said sadly. He smiled ,"if you think it will help, then I'm all for it, I love whatever your heart desires, my lady." He replied, with a deep bow. " How about some French toast, and some fruit." That sounds good to me." He said. She shook her head, still pondering over the notebook. They ate, and she returned back to the patio, still staring at her notebook. He sat down beside her, " Sanem, just talk from your heart, let it out. Maybe we should both talk about it, would that help." He asked. "Maybe both of us could write our own feelings, then you could fit it together in a chapter form." He suggested. She smiled," You would do that?" She asked. " Sanem, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you, if I'm helping you, I'm helping us. So yes, I would." He stated. Her eyes glistened with tears, " Do you know how much I love you, there's really not a measure of it, it's unmeasurable." She threw her arms around his neck, knowing how lucky she was to have found him. 

The rest of Saturday she spent thinking and jotting down her thoughts, in a way it seemed to make her happy to see it on paper. It forced her to deal with what she thought she had already dealt with. With each page written, it always ended with how much she had depended on and love her husband. Later in the day, Can told her he was going for a run, as he jogged away she noticed a small notebook stuffed in the back pocket of his workout shorts. Her eyes lit up," He's really going to do it. She knew he would jog to a place he felt comfortable with and the sit and write. Her heart was full of love for him, she wondered if she would have enough love share with a child. But she was dying to find out.

The days that followed were filled with her writing, it seemed to just appear on the paper. Everything she felt, for him, for the baby that  was taken. She never felt she lost it, it was simply being held for them for another time. That had helped her cope, to accept what had happened. The words he wrote broke her heart when she read them, so vulnerable and open. This man of principle and pride was bearing his soul for everyone to see. How could she love him more, she didn't know, but she did. They never discussed what they had each written, but the eyes of love for each other said all that needed to be said.

The agency was busier than ever, but Sanem only worked part time, with the rest of her days occupied with writing. She had done a rewind of their life and relived the moments from them reuniting in Switzerland to the present day. It was like a current event, an ongoing saga of their everyday life, what fun she was having delivering the love they had for each other to the pages of her notebook. He had to force her to come to bed most nights, luring her away from her notebook with kisses and touches that she couldn't refuse. Then the beautiful and passionate nights of love making that made her beg for more. He could fulfill her more than anything else possible, and she never wanted it to end. 

" Can, what's for dinner tonight." She called to him from the bedroom, where she had been writing since they got home. " I think a salad, it's sort of late, so nothing heavy." He answered             " Does that sound ok," He asked. " Yes, do you need help." She yelled back. Of course he didn't, and in a matter of minutes he came with s beautiful salad on a  tray for them. She dove in instantly, she seemed to be hungry all the time. He ate, took the tray and went to the kitchen. Took his time to clean the kitchen and made a bowl of fruit for dessert. " Sanem, do you want more tea, I'm bringing fruit? " He yelled. "Sanem, tea or not,  bebek.." He called. With no answer he went on with the fruit. He entered the bedroom, " Sanem, where are you?" He said. He set the bowl of fruit of the nightstand, he turned as Sanem came from the bathroom. Her eyes were wide with surprise, " What Sanem, what's wrong." He asked. " Can, I just got sick and lost my entire dinner." She exclaimed.   Are you ok," he said. " No....Can, listen to me, I just got sick. It just hit me all of a sudden." She exclaimed, her eyes still wide in disbelief.  They stood staring at each other for a minute, stunned.   

" Could it be," she thought. She did a quick calculation in her head. " Yes, it very well could be"...

" Can, I think I might be pregnant"..........