concert | michael clifford

Mommy

A/N: There will be self harm involved in this chapter. If you are not comfortable with that, please skip. I don't want you guys to get sick.

"W-w-what?" I was on the edge of angry and sad tears. Out of no where, or probably behind the couch across from us, Calum, Luke, Ashton, and Kaylee jumped up.

"YOU JUST GOT PRANKED!!" They laughed. Even Michael joined them. I couldn't help but feel used for no reason. They kept laughing. That's what people always do. They laugh at me.

I left the room, clearly not saying goodbye to any of them. I looked around for the bathroom, and thankfully I found it. Making sure nobody else was inside, I locked the door. I screamed, cried, yelled bloody murder out into the world.
Everybody's always like this. People just laugh at me. Mimic me. Hurt me. Tear me apart until I'm only crumbs of paper. Nothing ever changes. No one changes.

"Maybe going to this concert was a bad idea," I said to my reflection.

People don't understand why I get overemotional with these situations. I've just been in so many problems that I fall down and break. I used to stand up tall and keep my ground. Now, all I am is broken.

I grab my bag and pull out what I needed the most right now to ease the pain in my heart. A blade.
(If you don't like this part, just skip it.)

My eyes, full of tears, stared hesitantly at the weapon. I shook my head, meaning that I won't stop. I took off my jacket and shivered from the cold restroom.

I pushed the blade onto my skin, feeling a slight burn. I pressed harder until blood oozed out from my skin. I slid the blade across my skin hard, creating a deep and open cut. You could see my flesh from inside. What a lovely image.

I pushed the blade harder on my skin again. The same with the rest, but harder and deeper. Blood piled into the sink, dripping still from my bloody arm. A burning sensation took my whole left arm, leaving me numb and sore.

'This isn't enough,' I thought.

I pulled my shirt up, revealing my fat. I felt disgusted. Even if Michael did ask me on a real date, he'd ditch me once he saw my fatness.

I decided to do something artistic on my stomach, instead of just lines crossing each other. I cut my skin, deep, aligning the cuts to form a butterfly. I was a pretty good artist, so I felt proud of my work.

Blood slipped through the cuts onto the floor, leaving puddles around me. Another burning sensation left my stomach in pain and numbness, but I was fine with it.

I cleaned everything up, from the puddles on the floor to the stains on the sink. Every part of my body felt weak, mostly my stomach and left arm. After the clean up, I washed the razor blade and put it back carefully into my bag. I put my jacket back on, making sure nobody could see the now red and still bloody marks.

I left the bathroom, looking for Kaylee only because she was my ride home. I decided to go back to the room of pranks. Luckily, she sat there. But with them by her side. They were still laughing. They haven't noticed me yet. Am I that invisible? And really, Kaylee? I thought you were my only friend. I guess not anymore. You have your new friends, and I'll have me to myself.

I walked into the room even further, catching the eyes of Kaylee and the boys. I ignored the doofuses, and focused on Kaylee.

"Kaylee, let's go home."
"Why? Is Ms. Cry Baby wanting her mommy?" They laughed again.
"Oh wait, she doesn't have one!!" They laughed. Wait. No, she did not just say that out loud to these four idiots. She and her mom were the only ones who knew that my mom left me and my dad when I was only 2.

I looked at Kaylee straight in the eyes, and I noticed her face change from "I'm laughing so hard I could die!" to "Fuck, I screwed everything up."

"April, I'm so sorry. I didn-"
"No, it's fine. I guess I just couldn't trust my only friend." And with that, I walked out of that hell of a place, with tears raining down my face again.

😭💭
Poor April. Kaylee really did screw everything up. Let's hope everything goes well.

Sorry about the self harm part. For those of you who do hurt yourselves in any way, I'd like to say you're not alone. 😔
Stay strong, beautifuls. You'll get through this war.