Make You Mine

New light

The next day, I cut my hair short and shaved my beard.

Natatawa ako tuwing naaalala na mukha na pala akong si Papa Jesus. It isn't like me, I'm a bad person. Hindi dapat ako magmukhang parang si Papa Jesus.

I spent these past months doing nothing. I only step outside during evening, pumupunta kasi ako sa bar para maglasing. I am trying to wash away the guilt that's slowly eating me. I wanted to erase the look of Leslie's face as I violated her.

Gusto kong mapatawad niya ako. Pero hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang humarap sa kanya. I betrayed her, she trusted me and yet, I did that to her.

Wala naman na akong gagawin. I had already left the music industry. Ayaw pa nga akong payagan ni Eireen, iyong manager ko. Siya rin ang manager namin ng banda noon.

Pero desidido ako na iwan ang music industry. Leslie love to hear me sing, she's always the first one to hear my songs. Siya iyong number one supporter ko, and now she's gone, hindi ko alam kung gugustuhin ko pang kumanta. Nawalan ng kulay ang musika para sa akin. I can never go back to singing. Not until she forgives me.

Kinukulit na rin ako ng papa ko kung kailan ako magsisimula sa kompanya. Siguro ito na ang panahon para unti-unti ko nang ayusin ang buhay ko. Gusto kong ayusin na ang buhay ko para sa pagbalik ni Leslie.

Napabalikwas ako nang mag-ring ang phone ko. Sinagot ko naman agad ang tawag.

"Dad, what's up?" bati ko.

"Kailan ka ba magsisimula sa kompanya? I'm about to retire, ikaw lang talaga ang hinihintay ko kasi sa iyo ko ihahabilin ang negosyo." dad sighed.

"Next month dad, may inaayos lang ako ngayon."

"Okay, I'll be expecting you to come at work next month. Don't let me down son," he said. Napatango naman ako kahit na hindi niya ako nakikita.

"By the way, your mom wants you to have dinner with us tomorrow. Bring your girlfriend with you," hindi naman ako mapakali. My mom wants to see Leslie, anong sasabihin ko sa kanila?

"Is that my son?" I heard my mom in the background. Napakagat naman ako sa hinlalaki ko. I'm about to lie.

"Hi, honey. How are you? Kumakain ka ba ng maayos? Hindi ka ba nagpapagod? Bumisita ka naman dito paminsan-minsan anak. Ikaw lang ang nag-iisang anak ko, hindi ka pa nagpaparamdam." nagtatampong sabi ni mommy. I bit my thumb even harder.

"I'm okay mom, and please stop treating me like a child. I can take care of myself. Pupunta ako diyan bukas," I smiled. I missed my mom so much.

"That's great, honey. Bring Leslie okay? I want to talk to her about the preparations for your wedding." excited na sabi niya. Napanganga naman ako.

"She's still in Italy mom," I lied. Wala na akong ibang maisip, hindi ko rin naman masabi sa kanila na hiwalay na kami at may nagawa akong napakalaking kasalanan sa kanya.

"What? She's here. I saw here in the supermarket yesterday, noong nag-grocery ako. Why didn't you tell me that I'm about to have a grandchild?" I swallowed hard. No, they'll know how Leslie got pregnant. Malalaman nilang ni-rape ko siya, my parents will be disappointed in me.

"O-oh really? Sh-she's here?" Nauutal na tanong ko.

"Oh, I think I just ruined her surprise for you! Hahaha, sorry anak. I shouldn't have told you I saw her." Napatango ulit ako. I want to end the call now.

"Mom, I have to go. May pupuntahan lang ako. I'll see you tomorrow." Sabi ko nalang. She cheerfully said goodbye to me and ended the call.

Bahala na bukas, maybe it's time for me to tell them that we two broke up. I couldn't just tell them that I got her pregnant by using force. My parents didn't raised me to do something terrible like that. It will break my mom's heart and break my dad's trust.