disposition. | jack gilinsky

| Chapter 21 |

Returning to Omaha made me feel better than expected. I already missed Matt. I started missing him the day before I even left. He let me keep his sweatshirt and he was trying to hide his emotion toward my departure. Good thing I had it. It was freezing in Omaha compared to the nice & cool day in Pennsylvania. Aunt Sophia had picked me up from the airport and was happy to see me. She complimented me on my new demeanor, saying that I looked happier & healthier than before.

And I felt healthier, being without drugs or alcohol for almost two months. I only craved it when a nurse would piss me off or Zola would mess with me. But by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I realized that I didn't need it. That was a fun day; some patients, including Matt and I, volunteered to help in the kitchen for the Thanksgiving feast. We both worked on the batch of potato salad and he refused to cut the smallest potato because he felt as though it had feelings. I crack up just thinking about it.

I had my earbuds in, listening to chill music on the ride home. The neighborhood seemed slightly different or maybe it was just me. The air was crisp as it rushed through the car. There were kids outside all bundled up and chasing each other down around their front yards. A guy zoomed past us on his motorcycle which was silver & had a similar shape to Jack's scooter. I felt an energy build in my gut. I needed to see Jack. He doesn't know that I'm back and I want to surprise him. I was eager. I wasn't sure how he was feeling considering I got his letter late and never got the chance to write back. He probably thinks I'm ignoring him or that I cut him off for good.

Cousin Jack was hanging out with Cam on the front steps of our house. I was so happy to see them and they each gave me huge hugs.

"Oh my goodness, what's new?" I beamed.

"Nothing much really," Cousin Jack said. "I dated Maisie for like two weeks but she ran back to Aaron."

"And did you and Aaron makeup?" I asked.

"We're not friends or anything, but yeah."

"Good. And what about you, Cam?"

"Absolutely nothing new," he chuckled to himself.

"Ah. Well...have you guys seen Gilinsky lately?" I looked down, kicking a few pebbles from beneath my feet.

They both shook their heads.

"I saw him briefly at the grocery store one day, he was with his dad, but that was it," Cam informed me.

"How did he look?"

"I don't know, normal I guess."

"Okay. Well I'm gonna head upstairs, guys."

"Glad you're back, cuz." Cousin Jack nudged my shoulder.

"Glad to be back."

I made my way back upstairs to my room and it was just how I left it plus a little more dust. With a deep breath, I bent down, picked up my trash can, and started going through my things for items I didn't need anymore. Items that harbored negative energy. I went through the shoebox under my bed and found my small stash of acid and tossed it. There were polaroids on my wall of Taylor and I back in Cali...threw those out, too. I even threw out the bikini that I had wore the night of my birthday. On my way to take the trash out, I grabbed the one-eyed teddy bear Taylor had given me and threw it all into the bin outside.

__________

I rode my Aunt's bike down the street. Jack's letter fluttered through the wind as it was pinned between my hand and the bicycle handle. I couldn't help but smile the closer I got to his house. The butterflies in my stomach were multiplying by the dozen. I parked the bike against the curb and stood there. Why wasn't I banging on the door right now? Maybe I was too busy wondering what I would say to him. Perhaps a simple hi or hello there. Whatever I'd say, I'm sure it would come off as awkward.