Teenage girls guide to happiness 101

Periods

Girls

If there is one thing that all girls can agree on is that periods suck, BIG TIME. There aren't many things that girls can agree on but that periods are the worst thing is the only one. We can't exactly be us. What happens? We turn into emotional blobs of all the emotions mixed into one hormonally unbalanced creature and you have a ticking time bomb before it explodes either into a rage fit or wailing whale. We arent sure what we're feeling or why. One minute we're happy and fine and the next we will rip off the head of anybody who even comes in front of us.

Although not all girls are the same when it comes to this issue of the emotional rollercoaster but it does usually go something like this. There are two types of girls when it comes to periods. The ones that want to be alone and not talk to anybody, or the ones that need to have someone there with them to hand feed them chocolates and watch netflix with them. Personally i'm the kind of girl that wants to be alone and just lay in bed crying and screaming for no apparent reason. My dad has finally come to realize that it's best to steer clear of me during this time since either a.) We will end up in a fist fight or b.) I will be crying on the floor because he said that my hair looked messy.

Now we can all also agree that what makes everything a million times worse and is work of Lucifer himself is when you have your period and you get a cold. It had never happened to me before until this week when mother nature decided to punish me for no damn reason and give me one of those colds that the only thing you do is sneeze ten thousand times in a row AND i'm on my period. So what happens when I sneeze? The sacrificial niagara falls inside me decides to let go of all of its mightiness and grandeur and I am now sitting in a pool of blood. Now I know that all of you are probably like " This girl is disgusting and very descriptive." but you are also probably laughing because you know its true.

Boys

Ok boys, I know that you are just like "Why are girls so weird and why do they bleed?". Well believe me, we don't like it as well. Boys see it from a different perspective than girls do because you guys just worry about getting some or not. Trust me, of all the things in this world the only thing that you won't be doing is satisfying your pelvic desires during this week. What you will be doing is going broke by buying tissue boxes, chocolates and pads for your girlfriend/wife/ lover or whatever female company you have.

This brings me into the topic of emotional discomfort that will occur. Word of the wise, what you shall do (depending if she is the type of girl that likes to be accompanied) is analyze every word before it comes out of your mouth. This will save your life because you won't get your head chewed off. Anything that might not sound too bad when she's off her period could be the worst thing in the entire world when she is on it. For example don't tell her that she should put some makeup on or that maybe her jeans are too tight because she will either cry because you just called her ugly or punch your face for calling her fat.

I don't understand why guys are so afraid of sanitary pads or tampons. They're not going to kill you if you touch them or come near them. If I were to throw a pad or tampon into a crowd of boys they would probably all scream and it would be like that scene from monsters Inc where George gets contaminated by a sock, or if somebody were to walk into an airport and yell " I'VE GOT EBOLA BIATCHES!"

Both

Everybody just remember that if it weren't for this horrible and painful week of hell there wouldn't be people on this earth. So guys, just remember that when you get married and your wife has her period, it's for the good of humanity.

Girls, when you're cursing at the top of your lungs and rolling around your bed with cramps like a walrus on fire, keep in mind that if you ever want to be a mother, this is going to be a price that you have to pay. And keep in mind that whatever level of cramps you are feeling, it can't be worse than giving birth.

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Fun Fact

A girls uterus is worth $3.2 billion if you were to sell all of your eggs and a nutsack is worth about $25. So every time a girl is on her period she loses $8,000. Men as usual, are pretty useless.