Fears of the Widow

The Realization

"Is he okay though," Natasha asked the doctor again, gritting her teeth furiously, "because if he isn't and you continue to look so smug so help me I will..."

She's been hammering the poor guy for at least an hour. Steve now possessed her gun and her knife, but the poor doctor had been grinning like a fool since The Captain unarmed Natasha.

But Natasha could kill a person with her bare hands so the doctor wasn't much safer as she pressed for knowledge about Clint.

Steve gripped Natasha's shoulders and pulled her backwards, "okay Natasha... Let's be nice to the doctor." It was the fifth time he'd had to pull her back.

Natasha and the doctor who had no name tag and had yet to introduce himself had been arguing with Natasha for longer than he should have. He was lucky to be alive.

"Tell me how he is!" Natasha yelled.

The doctor shook his head, "you don't have the clearance." That was the twentieth time he had pulled that card.

Natasha screeched, "I have a level seven clearance! Higher than Steve or Tony or Bruce... As high as Mariah Hill and Coulson! So don't pull out the clearance card one more time!"

Steve gripped Natasha harder and pulled her further from the doctor, "he can't..."

Natasha pulled against him, furiously, "let me go! NOW!"

"Natasha, calm down!" Steve pulled her into his chest... Probably not his best idea. Her heel found a way into his groin, and he released her. She was back on the doctor, "tell me something."

"Fury's orders... We can't say anything..." The doctor had lost his grin finally. The doctor pulled a nurse aside and whispered something into her ear, and Natasha stepped into the doctor's space.

Natasha shoved her finger into his chest, "that's BS! Where the hell is Clint and how is he?"

The doctor looked to Steve who only shook his head, "Natasha, they can't tell you anything." The nurse ran in one direction, the doctor attempted to go the other, but Natasha pulled his uniform back to the front.

"Like hell they can't," Natasha snapped, "if you don't tell me I'll find out myself." That was a threat the world renounced hacker would keep.

The doctor wrung his hands together, "I can't tell you anything, agent Romanoff. Forgive me, but I am following orders." A bit of sweat stipples down the side of his face.

Natasha grunted before turning around and shouldering past Steve, back through the emergency hospital doors of the SHIELD database building. And then she was gone like a ninja in the night.

Steve turned to the doctor, "are you allowed to tell me anything?"

"Everyone except her. Fury said he didn't want her doing anything rash. Clint's fine except..." The doctor hesitated, making sure Natasha wasn't listening in. He was clearly terrified of her evasiveness at this point.

Steve came closer, "Except..." That couldn't mean anything good.

The fine doctor pressed his uniform down, "except he hasn't awoken from his comatose state, and there is no medical reason why. It may just be he needs to rest but..." A coma? That was like Natasha except hers was medically related to her poison.

"It's been two days..." Steve murmured, "Natasha will be less than happy."

Natasha had been inquiring about Clint since she had been released from the hospital, poison free with a minor gun shot wound to her shoulder. They told her nothing then and they won't tell her anything now. It had been driving the widow mad.

The doctor paled, "no one is aloud to tell her except for Fury himself. Understood?"

Steve didn't hesitate, "yes sir. Update me as soon as possible." Steve didn't care that much about Clint, but he did care for Natasha and her sanity.

But Natasha was beyond a panic, pacing an unused back hall, "he's going to be okay. He has to be. I owe him a debt."

Loki's words echoed in her mind, "is this love?"

Natasha rebuked them, "no. No I owe him a debt. A bigger one now. He saved my life once... Now twice. Hundreds of times, he's watched over me. All of this because I was stabbed by poison a month ago," she gritted her teeth, fisting the cement wall.

Again she remembered Loki, "you lie and kill in the service of liars and killers." Well maybe not exact words, but she remembered his accusations.

"I lie because liars tell me to... I kill because murderers lie to me about the real reason and who's lies are they? SHIELDS? Fury's? My own?" Natasha slid down the wall. She knew she lied to everyone about who she was... Including herself. Natalia Alianova. She squirmed at the thought.

"No. I'm Natasha Romanoff. I work for SHIELD. I am Russian. Clint Barton is my partner. I am an Avenger..." But how much of that was true? Natasha began to question her reality.

And that was when she knew what she had to do to find herself, but she needed to see Clint first. She needed to apologize.
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A/N:
I know it's short but I'll post the next one within the next hour! We'll do a Double update for you lovelies.
Thank you so much for reading! Remember to comment and VOTE! It helps me to know you guys like it otherwise I don't feel encouraged to write as much.

And we are getting to sort of a whole other section of the book here. Think of it as
PART ONE- the antitoxin
PART TWO- you'll see >:)

Feeling kind of evil right now haha. Thanks for the support guys! It's been tough writing with my family going back to Thailand so I've been spending time with them a lot lately.

Well Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years too you all!

-Grace Maze