Emily's Diary of Dreams (Wattys 2016)

The End of a New Beginning

2015

I'm standing there. At the ledge of my apartment building. Looking at the concrete jungle of New York. My life is at its ruins. Luke rejected me, Marsha won't see me, my friends left me and my family as well for my mistake. Mistake that I make that I think it was worth it for my life. But, once known the truth, it lead to another. The devastating reality.

I was ready. Ready to take my own life. As I put my step in front of me with no brick to support, a hand pull my arm and put me into his embrace. It was Harold.

"Are you CRAZYYY?!!!" Harold hold me so tight that he won't let me go. My brother. My saviour. My best friend.

I stood there in silence. Taking his embrace. Thinking that this is just a fantasy. I am dreaming. No one wanted me anymore. They hated me to death.

"You promise me Emily. You promise me to never hurt yourself. Why did you did this?"

He is still never let me go. Now I know that this is real. Harold is here. With me.

As I realize that this is all real, I cry as loud as I can. Finally I have someone who is there for me. My best friend, Harold Thompson.

When I cry and cry and cry in his embrace, I saw it. The black book. The source of my inspiration and makes me strong until that moment ago. My journal.

3 weeks ago....

"You should write a journal for your problem" Harold said. My unofficial therapist for my life. He is my rock and my bamboo forest. He is always there for me through thick and thin.

I am still sitting looking at the window where the panoramal view of Empire State building bringing an awe for those who sees it. I was still trying to make sense on what Harold wants to say. He is correct.

"Ok. I will write and see how it goes."

As the afternoon chatting about the blast in the past and talking about both of our lives, Harold take his leave to take his nephew from school. Micah, one of the midgets that makes my life full of light when I see him.

As the night take its turn, I take my coffee and sit down to watch the television. After a few hours watching the Sherlock marathon, I stumble a black book. A black sketch book to be exact. The one I bought at the bookstore few years ago for me to make as collection on my undefined sketches.

"This should be good for a journal."

I went to my office to take a pen, sit down at the living room with my black book.

As I open it and look at the first page, I put all my courage to write the first word.

2004, the beginning of my tale. The tale that made me of who I am today. Emily Saint Karl, my life story.

Present

I was still in Harold's embrace. Remembering that my life is precious as Harold is still here with me. Love me as who I am, not who I want to be, in my family and Luke's eyes especially.

"I confess to Luke. I told him that I love him. He rejects me and everyone knows about it. Marsha don't want to talk to me and my family don't recognize me as their own anymore."

"It's not your fault. You cannot choose who you want to fall in love with. Including me."

"I know. Thank you for being with me."

"What are friends for right? I will always be here with you until the day I die."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because every end has its own beginnings. Live life my sweet. Don't end it on your own. I too was in love with someone but I found out that the person loves someone else. I move on and live life. Look what I have become now."

"The famous Dr. Harold Thompson, experts in psychology. You are indeed the best."

"I know"

Harold opens up the embrace and put his hands on my shoulder. He look me in the eye and smiles.

"Let's watch The Avengers and eat pizza. I'm starving."

He knows The Marvel is my favorite series especially The Avengers. He's also extremely good at changing subjects.

"Alright. Pizza is on you."

"What?! I just freaking save your life just now. You should buy me a pizza."

I chuckled. He laughs. We both are. Hard. Thinking on my foolish mistake just now makes me realize how stupid was I just now.

"Ok. Alright. I buy the pizza" I said.

We sat at the couch and wait for the Avengers to begin.

While sitting and wait for the pizza. Every end has its own beginnings. Thank goodness I found my guardian angel. My best friend, Harold.