red sun || lee felix

ch. 10 /// hope

tw : drug addiction, mention of physical abuse, scenes of gore ⚠️

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Running with Fei may have been emotionally exhausting and a weight on my conscience, but going back to my coven wasn't any better. How many arguments had I left on the go? Two and a half? My first priority was Changbin. I needed his cuddles even more after the day I'd had.

I jumped from the courtyard to the windowsill and pulled myself up. I didn't hear as many feet bustling inside the suite as I expected, only two rows of toes fidgeting, locks of hair slipping through fingers.

I peeked in the window. Jisung and Jeongin were sitting on the bed, speaking in hushed tones.

"I can't believe myself," Jeongin murmured, hands fisted in his own hair. "I kissed him. Jesus Christ, I fucked it up, I fucked everything up."

"You'll make it right," Jisung said. "Hyunjin would do anything for you. He'll forgive you."

"What if he doesn't? I can't lose him, I love him more than I love myself."

"I believe you. But... what about Seungmin?"

Jeongin dropped his face into his hands. "I don't wanna think about him. Don't make me think about him."

Jisung sighed. The conversation lulled. I waited outside the window for a couple minutes longer so they wouldn't think I was eavesdropping.

I pulled myself up and ducked through the window. Jisung had been slouching, guard down, but he sat up as he heard me, eyes locking onto mine. Breathe in and breathe out.

"Have a fun day out?" he said bitingly.

"Jisung, stop." Jeongin straightened out, too, watching me anxiously. "I'm sorry you saw... what you saw. It must be weird for you."

"But you won't say a word, will you, Felix?" Jisung spat my name like it tasted bad on his tongue.

"Of course not," I said. "Jeongin, this is your thing. Love is difficult. Love is a fucking tyranny, but it's... kind of irresistible." I swallowed and focussed on breathing.

"It shouldn't be that way," Jeongin murmured. "Love shouldn't hurt." He slumped into his hands again, and Jisung rubbed his back. I fell onto the couch, dropped my head back, staring at the ceiling.

"Where're the rest?" I asked.

"They started a search party for you," said Jeongin.

"More like a manhunt," Jisung corrected him. "They've been out for hours."

One part of me felt guilty. They cared enough to look for me, even after I had stormed off in a hissy fit. The other part was perversely amused, imagining Chan and Haseong running around on a wild goose chase without the foggiest idea of where I really was.

"So," Jisung started, "what'd you get up to all day?" He didn't try to play it off as anything but an accusation.

"Nothing much, just burning an effigy of you."

"Watch your mouth, nomad."

"Why? You keep right good tabs on me, don't you?"

He smirked. "I don't know why you'd think that."

"You're not as covert as you think, slick — gotta watch that ego."

His lip curled back. "Jeongin, do you think Haseong would be very upset with me if I flicked the kid into the Tyne like a flea?"

I scoffed. "Might you take care of the fleas you already have first?"

Jisung lurched toward me but Jeongin caught his wrist.