red sun || lee felix

ch. 12 /// sins like the morning mist

Haseong had said the River Tyne's water was thick like blood. He'd exaggerated. The water was slimy and stagnant, running through my fingers, stinking up my hair, but it wasn't as thick as the blood that I wiped from my skin, wrung from my clothes.

Feeling the blood swirling inside me, the adrenaline prickling at my fingertips... how the fuck was I supposed to get back on the wagon? How much more excruciating would the thirst be once I was back in the forest, insipid deer blood running down my throat?

But it wasn't as simple as that. As I had bitten into the drunkard's neck, his sagging flesh, the pain had woken him up. He'd screamed and screamed but I'd held his mouth closed. I'd listened to him die. My whole life, I'd killed by the dozens and not given it a single thought.

So why did this death bother me? Why was I mourning him, his life, the future I had killed? Why did the blood still lingering on my tongue feel tainted — so luscious and rich, but tainted?

And the children I had seen in my mind, the ones waiting for him at home...

This was all Chan and Haseong's fault. Those blasted civvies had given me a conscience. I wanted to tell them to take it back, take it all back — the black-and-white ethics and the superiority and the mental probing. Why should I deny myself my nature? Why should Fei? And why, just because we didn't abstain, were we automatically below them?

I marched toward the hotel, thighs slapping and shoes squish-squashing. I had no idea how I was supposed to keep my coven in the dark. What if the river water didn't cover up the smell of blood? What if they saw my eyes? The best plan of action was to get in, get out and avoid them entirely until I figured out what to do. I'd grab Changbin on my way. If not the full story, I could fill him in on my mistake and save him the worry.

I scaled the side of the building and waited outside the window, listening. They were chattering on the bed, gathered around a newspaper. I took the opening and slipped into the suite. They all turned but I was already through the bathroom door, slamming it behind me.

"Felix, guess what!" Hyunjin called.

"Give me a second, I took a dunk."

"Why would you do that?"

"It was against my better judgement — just gimme a sec."

I stripped, got into the shower and washed off the river stink. My fingers were fumbling as I struggled into dry clothes. I cringed when I looked into the mirror. My eyes were hot red, flaming red. I had to remind myself to breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

I was talking before the bathroom door was open. "Changbin, can I talk to you in the courtyar—"

Hyunjin hugged me, picked me up and plopped me back down on the bed. I laughed too-loudly and kept my head down. They were crowded around, every line of sight would out me.

"Felix, you are going to die!" Hyunjin exclaimed. My stomach did a cartwheel. "Er, lemme explain. You know what bumper cars are?"

"No?"

"Picture a little metal motorcar with no wheels on an ice rink with no ice. You're supposed to bump into other cars until, well, I assume until you're dead. Anyway anyway anyway, that's not the point! There's a funfair in town and Haseong says we can go after hours and boot up the rides — specifically the bumper cars!"

"On top of that, they have an oddities exhibit that I'm raring to visit," Chan said, rubbing his palms together. "Think of all the taxidermy!"

"Bumper cars," said Hyunjin.

"I'll be in charge of the machinery," Seungmin said. "A bing and a bang and those fuckers'll be up and running."

"Bumper cars," said Hyunjin.