red sun || lee felix

ch. 13 /// drowning

The funfair approached like a mystery island, surrounded by a mile of open field. The rides weren't lit up like they were meant to be — the ponies on the carousel seemed lonely, shrouded in shadow. The Ferris wheel looked like some kind of alien spacecraft jutting into the sky, a silhouette in the moonlight.

"I can't believe we're here!" Hyunjin squealed. "I can see the bumper cars already! I'm gonna bump each of you at least once, that's my goal."

"I still don't understand how we're gonna turn the rides on," Changbin said.

"I've already explained it a million times," Seungmin groaned.

"He's gonna attach a doodad to a thingamabob, and then the lights'll turn on and the rides'll work," said Chan. "Simple."

"That pony is staring at me," Jisung said. "I feel like it knows my soul."

"Poor pony," I said.

"I can't wait any longer!" Hyunjin bounded toward the fair, screeched to a halt and looked into the bumper car arena. He bounced up on his toes in excitement. "Seungminnie, make it work!"

Seungmin knelt by a bulky generator and started tinkering.

Changbin was looking into my eyes, measuring my emotions.

"Is it hard to be here?" he asked. "Because of your... past?"

Jisung turned his head a bit, scavenging for clues in my mind. Chan and Haseong had gotten off my back, Jisung still thought I was some kind of mole. I pulled in a breath.

"Not really," I said. "Those memories feel... removed. Besides, my father owned a circus. I don't see any clowns here, no tigers or jugglers. That hotdog vendor's tent kinda looks like the one my old buddy Qiao would swallow knives in... but I'm fine. I'm fine, Changbin."

"As long as you're fine." He put his arm around my waist, held me tight.

"There's no chance everything'll blow up, right?" Haseong asked.

"Let's hope not," Seungmin deadpanned. "I'm kidding. Well, let's hope I am."

Suddenly the lights came on. Hyunjin hopped up and down, clapping like an excited kid. Seungmin was smiling up at him, but Hyunjin didn't look back as he grabbed Jeongin's hand and yanked him toward the gate. The rest followed.

Seungmin put his head down.

I stayed behind, hovering over his shoulder. I cleared my throat. "Nice night, eh, hyung?"

"Um. Yeah." He headed toward the Ferris wheel and I followed. He dropped into a crouch again, fiddling with the mechanics. I leaned on the gate.

"How are you holding up?" I asked.

He looked up at me. "What?"

"With you and Jeongin."

He sighed, locking his jaw. "It was a mistake."

"You know, initially I thought the... complications were between you and Hyunjin."

He opened a hatch in the side of the base and crawled inside. "At one point, so did I."

"What do you mean?"

"We clicked when we first met. It was obvious and Jeongin noticed, he was jealous. But him and I spent more time together, and... he warmed up to me. I fell in love with him. That was years ago." He crawled back out and coiled a cord around his arm. "So yeah. It's complicated."

"You're in love with both of them, then?"

His eyes travelled to the bumper cars. Hyunjin and Jeongin were bashing into each other in these little metal crates, making a racket. Seungmin just looked enamoured.