red sun || lee felix

ch. 11 /// but deliver us from evil

tw : drug use, vampire gore, homophobic language. 
please read with caution <3

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Fei agreed to walk me back to the hotel. I didn't want her to leave me yet. I'd miss her once I couldn't watch her out of the corner of my eye, once I couldn't smell her — dust and tree sap and decades-old wool.

When I climbed up to the suite, only Jeongin and Hyunjin were inside, snogging on the bed. I was glad they hadn't broken up — actually, they seemed to be even more clingy since that night.

I opened the window noisily. "Hey."

"Hi." They said it at the same time, settling into a hug that still felt too intimate for me to see. I slipped into the bathroom, immediately relieved that I had. I looked like I'd been crying. I splashed my face with water.

Looking into my own eyes — that sparkly gold colour I couldn't get used to — reminded me of Fei, what Chan and Haseong had done to her. It still seemed too cruel to be true.

I headed back into the main room and sat on the couch.

"Changbin left that for you," said Jeongin, pointing.

There was an envelope on the desk. I unfolded it and took out the note. All it said was 'hey.'

"Where is he?" I asked.

"They're all out hunting."

I casually stretched my arms over my head. "Animals?"

They looked at each other, then back at me. "Yes."

"I have a question about that. You know, your — our — abstinence. Why do you do it?"

Jeongin answered. "Chan was the first. He was always meant to be a healer. The people he killed for blood started to weigh on his conscience. He wasn't even sure vampires could survive on animals when he decided to try it. He persuaded Haseong to do it, and they persuaded me, and we persuaded Jisung, and so on."

"Do you ever find it hard? To control yourself?"

"Obviously," said Hyunjin. "You've tasted deer. Every time I feed I wish it was on a human."

"Yeah, about that... what would happen if, say, one of you refused to abstain?"

They looked at each other again. "Um," said Jeongin. "I'm not sure. For me, it's always felt like my need for blood was a threat, something to be afraid of. But if I made a mistake, there wasn't much to do about it, right?"

"This one time I binged, like, six people in a frenzy," Hyunjin said matter-of-factly. "It took me a while to get the hang of self-control."

"But what if you decided, no, I think I'm gonna live off humans now. Would you leave the coven, or...?"

"Felix, do you need to talk about something?"

I tried to seem incredulous. "What? No no no no, don't get me wrong, I'm just curious."

"Really, I'm not sure what would happen if one of us gave up," said Jeongin. "But it's not like that person would be forced out. Ask anyone, we're a team, always have been."

Yes, of course they were a team. I nodded and smiled, didn't say anything more.

"Felix, where have you been?" Jeongin asked. "Where do you go every few days?"

My head tilted innocently to the side. "What do you mean, hyung? I'm just exploring, hunting, you know, deep thinking."

"Then why does your trail always disappear?"