Denying Destiny

Crossroads

Killian's POV

Who could that be? I wasn't expecting any visitors. I wasn't in the mood for any at all, sa totoo lang. The doorbell rang again.

I lazily got up from my bed and opened the door.

Nagulat ako. Stacy was standing right there on my doorstep. Looking confused.

"Killian?" She asked me. Did she suddenly remember?

I was momentarily distracted by the fact I missed hearing my name coming from her lips at hindi lang sa panaginip ko nangyayari.

"YOU'RE Killian Roxas?" She asked me again bumilog yung mata nya. So she still doesn't remember. Di parin ako makapagsalita at makapaniwalang nandito sya. Am I dreaming all of this?

Well, ako na nga mismo yung nagsabi, matalino sya. She's bound to feed her own curiosity. I wonder what led her here? Should I deny I'm Killian Roxas?

I saw the desperation in her eyes. Nasaktan ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko gagawin to.

I let her in. Dahil hindi parin ako makapag salita.

"Why are you here Stacy?" I asked carefully as she crossed the threshold that I've been wanting her to cross since she came back. This place had been empty since she left it.

"I'm sorry. I know you said you don't know me. Pero I just have this nagging feeling inside me." She started. I could see what she's clutching in her hands. The Starbucks cup from when I first gave her coffee and the note when I first sent her flowers nung kami na.

I wasn't careful enough. She somehow found those things.

I didn't sign them with my name. I still have the chance to deny everything. 

Should I? Yes. It's safer for her.

Could I? I don't know.

"I have temporary amnesia from an accident almost six months ago." Hindi nya alam paano ieexplain saakin. It was five months, 22 days to be exact. And it wasn't an accident, it was deliberate. I pulled myself out of my thoughts of that night. The night that started my hell.

I waited for her na ituloy yung sinasabi nya.

"It made me forget nine months of my life after the accident. Deep down I feel that those were the most important months of my life." She continued. I swallowed. I know. Those were mine too. I badly wanted to tell her.

"I lost someone. Someone I loved. Alam ko, nararamdaman ko na mahal na mahal ko sya. I just couldn't remember him." Naluha na sya.

Puta Killian! Matitiis mo ba to???

"So please tell me it's you. It's you who gave me these." Nilapag nya sa counter yung mga hawak nya. Pero hindi pa sya tapos. "Nagmamakaawa nako, please. Just tell me that you're the one I lost. Na ikaw yung mahal ko." 

Ang sakit na masyado. Seeing her like this. Malapit na syang mag breakdown and I don't know what telling her the truth will do to her. Baka mag spiral sya. Baka mas lalu syang mawala saakin. Mamamatay ako dun.

"There's a void in me that I'm so desperate to fill. That I somehow lost half of myself. Na hindi ako mabubuo kahit kelan pag hindi ko sya nakita, nakasama, or kahit nakausap man lang. Araw-araw it gets harder and harder for me nung sitwasyon ko. It's every fucking day of feeling so lost. Ang sakit-sakit na. Feeling ko naloloka nako trying so hard to chase what I couldn't even remember. So please tell me na ikaw yon." She was already crying. Natataranta nako deep inside. Please don't relapse, Stacy. I prayed. Please.