Chosen~ Snowbaz

Reaching For You

AU where Penny doesn't walk in halfway through Simon's poorly-thought-out breakup with Baz. (If the first few lines seem familiar, it because they're copied word-for-word from Wayward Son. Just to make this hurt a bit more.)

Includes lots of angst (but a happy ending 'cause I'm such a sap) and a healthy dose of the word 'fuck.'

Oh yeah and I gave Fiona a whole house instead of a flat because plot.  

"Baz," I say. I sit up and set down my can of cider. (Baz hates cider, even the smell of it.)

He's standing at the front door. "Yes?" 

I swallow. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

He blinks once, twice. "Yes..."

"And if who they are isn't who you thought they were, then you shouldn't lie to yourself about what you want them to be."

"Yes—"

"Do you get what I'm trying to say here?"

"Yes. No. What are you trying to say, Snow?" 

Deep breath in. Out. I know I have to do this—or he will. "I'm saying that I can't be what I used to be, so I never will again." I can see he's still confused, and I gesture frantically between us. "Bloody hell, Baz, I'm breaking up with you, alright?"

I immediately know I've made a mistake. Baz is an incredible actor, I know that—he pretended to hate me for seven and a half years—but no one can fake the amount of pain I see in his eyes now. He just stares at me for a moment, heartbroken (there's no other word for it), before turning abruptly and walking out into the hall, slamming the door behind him. 

What have I done?

I sit there, eyes focused on where he was standing, just sit there for Crowley knows how long with his anguished face seared into my mind. 

Penny opens the door some time later. (A minute? An hour?) (No, it can't have bben that long, because the first thing she says is "I passed Baz in the stairwell, crying his eyes out. What the fuck happened?")

"I—" My voice cracks. "I broke up with him. With Baz."

Something flickers across her expression, and she storms over, holding a hand out. She pulls me to my feet when I take it, and then slaps me across the face. 

"What was that for?" I ask. I sound stupid. I feel stupid. I probably even look stupid. 

"You know bloody well what it was for." 

I don't say anything. 

"Why the fuck would you do that? You love him!"

"If I didn't do it, he would have!"

"No- he- wouldn't!" She punctuates each word with a poke to my chest. "That boy is head over heels for you; anyone can see that." 

"He loved what I was. I'm not like that anymore." 

Her jaw clenches. (I'm not sure why she's so adamant on this. She's always complaining about Baz—how he puts the cereal bowls in the wrong cupboard, and always leaves his socks on the couch.) "He cast On Love's Light Wings." 

My heart sinks a bit. This is her only argument? "Didn't you hear what I just said, Pen? He loved me when I was magic. When I was powerful. Not now, when I'm just... this."

"I'm not talking about that day at the White Chapel, Simon." 

I'm confused; she can tell. She always can.