Behind The King: Eternal Monarch (MinEun)

V Emotional Investment

Unlike fearing she has crossed the line, she wondered has he violated hers? Has she let him? Is that what she wanted all along? She had little excuses when she pressed her face in between his shoulder and neck, feeling the saltiness of his skin on her lips. She heard everything he said, but it wasn't like it came to her as a surprise.

They stayed like that. Then she slowly pulled away, only enough to look up at him. Her hands remained loosely hanging around his neck as she openly looked up, her eyes meeting his. It was a familiar look - tender, melting, the look that knew what it wanted. And Go Eun was beyond terrified. She was so scared. She felt her legs weakening from fear. "What the hell am I doing? What the hell have I done?" 

She was so scared, yet she knew none of it was visible. If there was something Go Eun was confident about, it was her ability as an actor. She was a damn good actress and she knew it. Min Ho couldn't see a single frown on her face as she stared at his drowsy eyes with an ambiguous expression. She knew he couldn't read her.  

Min Ho, on the other hand, did not even try to act in front of her. Not ever. She realized it was just his personality. Go Eun couldn't help but think she was a bad person for hiding herself behind a mask. The way he looked at her - she saw it, of course she did, she read it, she knew it, she was aware of it. She never pretended she was oblivious to it, but she did lie to herself about not understanding it. 

The first time they met, at the script reading, she saw it - his curious eyes lingering on the side of her face, on her earrings, when she would glance in his direction, he never tried to hide it, he would only redirect his curiosity to her hands, on her script, on her handwriting, on the accessory on her phone. Those eyes always lingered and over time the curiosity was replaced by admiration? adoration? She hated admitting it, and she hated avoiding it, but she was aware of it all along - of those eyes which carried clear desire and intent. Go Eun made excuses to herself: "So what if he looks? He's a guy. Single. Got out of the military. So what if he looks? It wouldn't be the first or the last time a coworker was physically attracted to you, there is nothing more to it."  Then she'd think: "What the hell am I thinking? That's Kim Tan, he's not looking anywhere near my way."  But then she'd think: "So what if he looks? I'm not looking!" 

"What the hell am I doing!?" her insides screamed, as he offered a gentle smile. She smiled back, staying exactly where she was. His right hand lifted from her waist and now it seemed like it planed to cup her face, but suddenly he changed his mind and placed it on her head. Gently, he caressed her hair, smiling at her misbehaving fringe and tucking her hair behind her ear. Look of absolute concentration overtook his face, like her hair was the most fascinating thing on earth. She closed her eyes. She was so scared. 

Min Ho always looked. The first time they met - this right now, was all in his eyes, whether he knew it or not - she was aware of it before him. Yet, he didn't get here all by himself. She was as much to blame as he was. "What the hell am I doing?!" 

It's not just that she let him look, she looked too. In her own way, she took all those steps towards him, without him saying anything. 

With her eyes closed, she felt his fingers carefully touching her ear, suddenly taking off her small earring, only to feel the soft skin of her lobe. 

She was terrified, because she understood the irrepressible feeling burning from the bottom of her stomach to the top of her lungs, taking her breath away every time she saw that adoration in his look, in his touch, in his words. She was terrified because she could no longer lie to herself that she didn't close her eyes so she could let him do what he just did. She invited him with open arms across her borders. So why was she so scared of that.