Colors In The Rain

2. Pity

"Was it so scary that you had to jump?" asked Jin with big concerned eyes, like a mother's.

"I wasn't expecting you and it was just...too sudden?" I replied, blushing.
He smiled, relieved. "Do you want some coffee at my place? I bet you didn't have breakfast yet."
"No thanks, I'm fine.", I said smiling, but that didn't seem to reassure him even a bit.

"Get a grip of yourself... I know it's hard but try to eat something, okay? And no matter how lonely you feel, we'll always be there for you. Well I guess I'm getting late. Mom is waiting for me and these eggs."

With that he patted my back and walked away. I stared at him until he disappeared around the bend. No matter how many times they say that they can understand me, people don't really feel other's pain until they experience it themselves. I wanted someone to really understand me, but at the same time, I wanted to look happy and fine to them. Once again, I wanted to dissolve in the cold rain. To run away where no one would ever find me...

I took a sip of my hot chocolate. The café wasn't really busy yet so I decided to do something about my rumbling stomach. No matter how loud my stomach growls or how tight my gut feels, I don't really feel hunger anymore.

"Dad..." I squeaked. Was that big red mound wrapped in dad's blue shirt really him? The image is unbearable!
"Jihoon..." she somehow manages to whisper.

"Mom?" my eyes search for her frantically until I finally spot her yellow shirt, smeared with spots of blood.

"Mom! Hang in there, I'm coming!" I scream.

"Sora...get Sora...not...me..."
Her words fade away.

I held the warm cup to my chest, the exact place where my stone cold heart was. The warmth seemed to comfort it a little.

It was so dark and cloudy that the café had to turn on their lights in the morning. The cars were speeding with their headlights on as well; they looked like millions of shooting stars, wanting to be the first to reach it's destination. It was fascinating. Seoul looked as busy as a honeycomb. So many people, each with a different story of their own, living in the same place, breathing the same air I am. I suddenly felt so insignificant. The world seemed so enormous all of a sudden...

"Isn't that Jihoon? What are you doing here all alone?"

"When did you get here?" I asked in amazement.

"I work here fool, remember? I just got the job yesterday!"

"Did you? I guess I forgot. Sorry, Hoseok"

He sighed, "Look, I know your mind is occupied with lots of things recently, so it's not really surprising that you forgot. It's okay."

Once again, the pitiful words. Why do they keep reminding that I'm a hopeless pathetic orphan now?
Hoseok always spoke in a musical tone, like he was singing. I don't know why but his voice felt soothing and it calmed my nerves a bit.

"It must feel so lonely. If I were you I would jump off a building. God knows how you're tolerating all these!"

I couldn't say anything. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but swallowing just hurt more. He seemed to understand how his words were troubling me.

"Ah there's an order! See you then Jihoon! I have tons to do already!" he almost yelled with excitement and left me. I couldn't help feeling a bit envious, but at the same time, I was happy for him.

I came out of the café. The street was crowded now, with a swarm of people with their transparent umbrellas, doing the same old days work like a zombie. The merciless cold air hit my face, bonus sprinkle of rain water and a strong scent of earth. It carried me back into the past...

I watch them putting her down in that dark and hole with utter disbelieve. I watched them with blurry eyes until they completely fill that hole. I inhale the strong smell of the earth and the rain gets heavier.

An empty feeling washed over me and the lump in my throat seemed to get bigger. The grey city, the squirming umbrellas, the luminous cars were getting blurry. My tears made the lights dance. I dabbed my eyes with my sleeves when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder.

"You look like a lost child."

I tried to smile at him. Kai was the leader of our friend's group. We didn't make him the leader, his calm, majestic personality and fascinating intelligence made him a figure we all looked up to.

"Don't even try, I know what you were thinking." He said boldly.
"I don't always think of the same thing" I lied.

"Oh yeah?" he grinned, "Why don't you go to work then? I hope your mind isn't too occupied to forget about that?"

"Is it already 8:00 am? My watch stopped working and I had no idea about the time..."

He didn't seem to believe me and smiled his usual weary smile. He took my arm and wrapped his own watch around it. I tried to jerk my hands back but his strength was unbelievable. Or was it me who got weaker?

"It's alright! I don't need-"

He smiled his usual weary smile.

"Try to eat something and take care of yourself, you look horrible. We're hanging out under the bridge today so I'd expect to meet you there."

He brushed past me and disappeared in the sidewalk crowd. I don't know why but I wanted him to talk to me a bit longer. Maybe because I believe that he is the only person in this world who probably knows how I really feel?