everglow (13rw)

Chapter 25

Justin

Valentine's day was now days away. Our friends decided that we would all spend the day in our house, eating food and watching movies. Clay asked Lanie earlier during breakfast if were allowed to bring our friends eventhough were still grounded. She said yes but she reminded us that alcohol was not allowed. After what happened to Clay, I doubt we would still touch a bottle of alochol.

"You're all going right?" Jessica asked, looking at everyone from our usual lunch table, she was talking about the group's Valentines plan. She popped a blueberry in here mouth, chewing it silently.

"Do we have a choice?" Tyler was lying down on the table, he mentioned earlier that he didnt get enough sleep because of the photography project he was working on.

"Actually," Jessica beamed at everyone, this was her plan and we were just going along with it. "You don't."

Valentine's group date would probably be like an orgy without the sex and kissing and we would be wearing pajamas instead.

"Then were all going." Tyler groaned, he closed his eyes and continued napping despite the noise from the students around us.

"How about Zach and Alex?" Jessica looked at the empty seats. "This was Alex's third day not eating with us, Zach isnt here too. Are they still not okay? I thought they were already talking a few days ago."

I could feel there was still tension between Zach and Alex. Were still in the dark on whatever it was they were going through. But Alex ditched us for three days now, on the first day Alex actually told me he would be in the Library but the next day and today, he just disappeared without telling any of us. And now, Zach was missing in action too.

"I'll talk to them." Tony declared. He was like the father of our group, always the one giving advices.

"Clay," Jessica turned to Clay. "You already asked your parent's permission right?"

"I already did," Clay said. I was actually looking forward to it, I am sure Clay was too. Being grounded would really make you crave for eventful things or just something that would change our daily routine. "She said yes but no alcohol."

"Okay," Jessica's excitement were overflowing. "Thats fair."

She then started talking to Ani about the set up in our room, where they would put the projector, what food each of us should bring and who would bring the movies, what genre of movies. I suggested Horror instead of Romance movies, they kind of liked my idea. Watching Love stories on Valentines day with your friend would be borefest and awkward.

Clay was not a big fan of horror movies but I wanted him to cling on me, hide behind my back and maybe hold my hands without our friends seeing. That would be my perfect Valentines.

I took a bite of my stale and tasteless burger. I mean, it wasnt that bad especially when you are hungry. Basically, every cafeteria food there was. I grabbed Clay's soda, I sipped on it before putting it back on the table.

My chest felt heavy all of a sudden. My breathing became deep and hard, I felt like my chest was shrinking and my lungs were slowly contracting. I tried coughing but that made the situation worse.

"Justin," I was looking at the table, unable to move. It was Jessica who first voiced her worry. "Are you okay?"

And then I felt a hand on my back. I knew it was Clay. "Justin? What's wrong?"

I didnt know what was wrong. I closed my eyes, letting Clay rub my back. I whispered. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Clay's voice seemed like he was startling, he was close to panicking.

"Yeah." I took a deep breath. I lied, I was not sure if I was okay. I was not sure if what I was feeling was normal. I had been feeling it for days now, having a hard time breathing every now and then, like the air from my lungs were being sucked out, it would usually go away after a few minutes. Clay noticed it yesterday but I shrugged it off, since I didnt want him to worry.

I was counting in my head. Not sure if the solution was to calm myself down, but it wouldnt hurt to try. One. I was scared but I couldnt let Clay feel the same fear I was feeling. Two, I was still young and my future was standing at the finish line waiting for me, I couldnt let it wait. Three, I couldnt leave my friends who had been there since day one. Four, I couldnt leave Lanie and Matt, for being my parental figure, for giving me another chance. Five, Clay would be devastated if I leave, I couldnt do that to him, not when it looked like he finally found his true happiness. I couldnt die, please.

Dying had been one of my greatest fear, it was the monster that haunted me during my days on rehab. I thought it was no longer there, I thought I already eliminated it. I was wrong.

My breathing was now slowly going back to normal. Clay was still rubbing my back. Ani was on my side, massaging my fingers. I exhaled, feeling my chest finally float from lightness. "I think I'm okay now."

"Thank God," Ani commented, her accent was sometimes still surprising. "What was that?"

"I dont know," Clay looked like he was about to cry so I made up a lie to ease his mind. "I think I drank too much soda."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Tony was standing up in front of us, the leather jacket he was wearing made him look like he was a mafia leader. Something about it was comforting. "Want me to take you the nurse's office?"

"No its okay, I'm sure," I smiled, trying to assure their worried faces. "I get this sometimes. No big deal."

Everyone was now back on their conversations. Tyler went back to his nap, Tony was on his phone and Ani and Jessica were talking about the food they were going to bring on our Valentine's group date.

I nudged Clay's ribs and told him with my cheerful voice. "Dont worry about me."

"I cant," Clay grunted. "I cant not worry about you."

"Im fine, see?" I held my hands up and winked at him.

"Okay," Clay breathed out, a long and deep one. "Just tell me if you're not feeling well okay?"

"Yes sir," I chuckled at his protectiveness. "You're so cute."

I held his hand under the cafeteria table until we heard the bell rang. I didnt want him to worry and if that meant risking our relationship to the eyes of the public then I didn care. I'll be fine Clay, I wont leave you, I promise.

-

You better keep that promise, Justin!

Question for my readers: if you could imagine Clustin on their ideal first date as a couple. Where would it be?

- G