everglow (13rw)

Chapter 11

Justin

I was walking on the way home alone from the support group. I didnt talk tonight, I just listened to everyone's stories. Kyle, the support group leader, asked where was Clay. I told Clay to focus on studying tonight because he would have another test tomorrow, which he agreed to. He dropped me off at the support group place and he went home after.

The place wasnt that far from our house. Our house. It still didnt feel real to me. I still sometimes feel like an alien, an intruder, but Clay never made me feel unwelcomed. Lanie and Matt accepted me as their son and I would be forever grateful for that.

Clay was scared. He didnt want to fail. For the past days, there werent a time that his eyes werent filled with fear. Unfortunately, his parents couldnt see it. If only they would actually look, they would see that their son was struggling.

I made it to our home safely. Only one car was present in front of the house and it was Clay's car. Lanie and Matt were not yet home. The moment I opened the front door I already sensed that something wasnt right. I ran upstairs and into our room. I tried opening the door but it was locked. Panic was about to take over my body when Clay opened the door. I felt a wave of relief seeing Clay Jensen in front of me, safe and sound.

But that didnt last longer. He was safe but he wasnt sound. My eyes caught the bottle he was holding. It was an alcohol bottle and it looked like Clay was drinking for hours based on the amount of alcohol inside the bottle.

"Clay, what the fuck?" I walked towards him. He looked like a mess, the smell of alcohol overpowering the room. His hair was all over the place as if a tornado hit it.

He took another sip ignoring me. I scrunched up my nose as I enter the room, the smell of alcohol going straight through my nose and my body. It reminded me of the days were alcohol and drugs took control of my whole being.

"Clay, hand me the bottle." I said carefully. He looked at me, his beautiful dark blue eyes were now filled with anger and fear. He drank from the bottle and wiped his mouth.

I grabbed the bottle and forced it out of Clay's hand. He fought but he was already drunk and from my own experience too much alcohol would only make you weak and vulnerable, emotionally and physically.

"Give it back." Clay shouted.

"No," I grabbed his arm. "Clay, what are you doing? You told me you would study."

"Im already failing Justin," Clay pulled his arm away from me. "I wont graduate. My parents-"

"And do you seriously think drinking would help?" I asked eventhough I knew he was in no condition to answer me properly.

"What would?" Clay scoffed. "We already tried everything."

"Clay-" But Clay interrupted me.

"Drinking is fun," He rambled. "Drinking helps me forget that Im a failure, that even my own parents thinks you're better than me. They would fucking celebrate if they find out I was failing."

"Your parents cares about you." And it was the truth.

"Don't do that," I continued when he didnt respond. I reached out for his hand but he wasnt giving in. "I've been there Clay. You dont want to depend on alcohol, trust me."

"Im not," Clay shouted. He was walking circles in his room. "Im not depending on alcohol. I just want to forget."

I knew exactly what he was feeling. I thought drugs would help me forget, I thought it would help me erase my fears, fill up the emptiness inside of me. But it didnt, all it did was widened the empty space inside of me. Like a black hole, I got swallowed and became addicted.

"And after you forget about it what will you do after when you start remembering again?" I talked in front of him making sure despite the alcohol, he was hearing me. "Clay it will become a cycle. You dont want to do that. You dont want to become an addict."

"I wont," Clay's voice trembled. "I- I just want to pass, I want to graduate with you and make my parents proud."

"And you will do that. But this," I pointed at the alcohol bottle in my hand. "This wont help you. Clay, you have to trust me."

"I dont know what to do." This was the firt time I saw Clay like this. Clay was always sure of himself, confident, like he always knew what he was doing. Today the Clay in front of me was the complete opposite.

"I think we should tell your parents," I suggested. "They would know what to do."

"I cant," Clay stopped walking circles. "They cant know. Justin, you cant tell them."

"You have to promise me that you will stop drinking," I couldnt let Clay spiral down the rabbit hole I went through, it was dark and nasty. "I'll make sure that you will pass those subjects. You have to trust me, Clay. Please."

"Okay." He was looking down, tears falling down from his eyes. I reached out and embraced him. Clay Jensen became my protector but now that he was in his most vulnerable state, I would make sure that I would shield him from his monters.

-

No long author's note on this chapter because I will publish this and chapter 12 at the same time. So two chapters today!

- G