Little one

Side story: Change Of Pace

[Lance at home, laying in his bed, deep in thought]

Lance Pov

It's weird to think about' this' , it's something that comes to my mind every now and then...

Like really?
How would my reality change if, hypothetically, If I wasn't in this life?
If I didn't exist?
How will the people in my life now be?
Will their life's be any different then they are now?

Then as I was thinking about the endless possibilities, the difference of having me around would do.

A knock at my door

[Knock! Knock!]

"... It's open...!"

The door opened slowly, I saw my moms face peeking through the little creek.

"Hey m'ijo, dinner will be ready soon. If you can, come down and help set the table"

"Okay mom"

"Okay, I'll be leaving the door open okay?"

"Could you close it?"

"How closed? Half? All open? A little open for some air?" she thinks she's funny, but now I'm not in the mood for laughter.

"Can you close it till the end please... I think I'll take a nap.."

She had a caring look in her eyes, she's an angel with a big heart. She came into the room and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

"Okay, have a good nap. Love you" she left the room, closing the door fully.

I closed my eyes, I felt tired, but I couldn't quite find the right sleeping position.

I just ended up tossing and turning in bed. The thoughts came back.

How would life look without me?
No one seems to need me... I feel useless.

(×~×DREAM×~×)

I opened my eyes to see that I was with all my friends, Pidge and Hunk were playing some video game, laying on the couch being very loud again.

They just make the empty space in the room fill with happiness and laughter, I wish I could be like that everyday...

[knocking at the door! ]

"I wound who could that be?"
The noises in the house gon quite?

I open the door-- BANG!

I look down to my side, I've been shot.
Looking up at the person at the entrance, I can't see their face.

The door closes, the room changed. I'm falling down the stairs, everything and everyone are gone.

Why... Why is this happening...

I want to wake up

I WANT TO WAKE UP... PLEASE... PLEASE WAKE UP ALREADY!!?

my eyes are open but I can't move.

Just move God damn it...!

(××End of dream××)

I open my eyes, for real this time. I'm laying in bed.

I still feel tired.

Maybe I should try and sleep some more... But maybe I'll just have bad dreams again.

This,this feeling of sadness that washes over me sometimes. I wish it would go away. Just leave me alone. I want to have fun, I want to be able to enjoy myself around others without worrying about this stupid feeling...

Maybe it would be better that I wasn't here.

No one seems to need me, my mom can take care of herself. Pop-pop is strong. Marco, Veronica and Luis are doing well...

Hunk has his life with his new girlfriend. Pidge is going to college soon, she will be very busy and happy. Shiro got his job and life ahead of him.

And Kieth, he can take care of himself. He's strong.

... Why is it so hard to let go... I can just end it. But instead I choose to keep--!

"..do you think he's awake?"
"he should be! He's not that old!..."
I heard Silvio and Nadia on the other side of the door, the thought of being with them brought tears to my eyes.

The thought of not being there for them when they grow up, to see them..grow up. How could I leave this life like this.

The door cracked open
".. HEY LANCE! The food is getting cold! Are you coming?" they jumped ran and jumped on my bed, they tried pulling the blanket away.

So I fought them for it!

"Come on! We want to eat with you.. Uncle Lance..!" I just had a big smile on my face, I squandered my blanket.
And pulled them into a big hug.

"I'll be down soon, I just need some time from waking up!" they looked very happy with that.

"Okay, but hurry before pop-pop and Dad eat it all!" and with that they left.

Life is not an easy thing, but sometimes you have to take sometime and look at where you are at the moment. I have a loving family, some good friends. I feel good with where and who I am today.

I hope I don't forget this feeling in the future.

I went down stairs to see everyone, they all sat at the table, the kids were playing with their food but they stopped once mom looked at them with an angry look.

I could only laugh on the inside, I went the living room. Laying down on the sofa, I didn't feel like eating again. I just wanted to sleep with some noise in the background.

I woke up the second time with tears in my eyes. I had a dream that I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone, I seemed to be in a rush but I didn't know why?

I saw that I was left alone in the living room, the time on the TV was 2:48 pm.

Everyone must be asleep by now, I got up and folded the blanket that was payed on me. Must have been mom that did that, she worries about the smallest things.

I went back to my room quietly.