𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔫𝔡 𝔟𝔩𝔬𝔴𝔰

Chapter XIX

"Not everybody in the world gets to enjoy childhood. Some starve. Some deal with the responsibility of taking care of themselves, and paying bills. And others have the weight of the world on their shoulders, the responsibility of taking care of yourself and others. Not everybody is the same." ~Unknown

I stood in front of his door, knowing what I have to do but I can't. I can't hurt him any more than he already is. I don't want to be the one who shatters his heart even more, but I also know that I can't do this, whatever this is because it'll hurt him more. 

"I can't do this," I whispered to myself and started to cower out until the door opened. 

"E?" Atlas questioned. 

"What are you doing here at four am in the morning?" I forced myself to look up. 

"Atlas, I know you said you like me but-" I was stopped abruptly by his lips slamming against mine. I was frozen and my body acted of its own accord and started to kiss him back. When he pulled back, his eyes were lit like the sun that shone so bright everyday. 

"E, I really want to know your answer. I mean if this situation wasn't what it was would you say yes?" He asked, already knowing what I was here for. 

"If the situation isn't what it is right now, I wouldn't even talk to you," I mumbled looking down. 

Telios flashed in my mind. If the situation isn't what it was right now, I would still be naive and think that Telios actually liked me, I thought bitterly. 

A look of understanding passed across his face, and just for a split second, the hurt in his eyes showed me how truly broken he was. 

"I get it, I really do get it E. Tell me your answer tomorrow, I don't want to get rejected in the middle of the night. Have a good night's sleep Eleftheria," He muttered, flashing me a smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

As he shut the door in my face, I realized how badly I messed up. I walked back to my room feeling numb, void of any emotions. 

~~~

The good thing about my room is that it has this thing where you ask a smart engine and the entire room would become soundproof, so that's what I did. 

And I screamed and cried. I wailed and bawled. 

This was the last time I was going to have emotions, the last time I was going to let out my emotions. Look where all these emotions got me. 

If I was as blank as a piece of untouched paper, Atlas wouldn't have liked me, he wouldn't even develop feelings for me. 

I wouldn't be naive to think that Telios had feelings for me. I wouldn't cry because of being let down over and over again. 

I finally ran out of energy at six. I looked at my reflection and it was horrible. My face was stained with tears, my hair was a mess. My voice was hoarse from all the screaming. 

I cleaned up and went to sleep. I promise myself that I will never feel anything again. 

'Why?' My conscience seemed to ask me. 

When you look up at the sky what do you see? Vast empty space and you would think that Earth is everything we need. It's been said that Earth is an infinitesimal fraction of the big universe out there. 

That earth is insignificant compared to other planets, even stars are bigger than our planet. The sun could fit 1.3 million earths. 

If you think that that already makes you feel small, scientists are here to remind us every single day that there are more stars in the universe than every grain of sand on earth. And if every grain of sand is counted, it would be seven quintillion, five hundred quadrillion grains.