Journal one

I locked myself in my room to make music

July 12:

So first thing's first, we reached 2k reads, so that's amazing. Second, I locked myself in my room for the past 4 days to pump out a song.

My favorite producer, Rival, apparently has a discord server. I found out a few days ago (5) and joined. Then, the next day, I found out there's a remix competition with a release and Native Instruments Komplete 12 Ultimate (a $1200 software package) so I had to enter. It's due on the 15th, and since I came 26 days late to the competition, in order to compete I thought that I had to make music the entire time.

Upon being in my room, I had several revelations about music and other things.

I already knew the importance of taking breaks, but I didn't fully realize it until now. Breaks can be anything—entertainment, education, productivity—as long as it's relatively disconnected from the subject of the task you need a break from. In this case, the past four days I made music and binged Avatar: The Last Airbender (surprisingly a lot better from the last time I watched it as a kid, it had the most amazing continuity and the best world building of any TV show, in my opinion) interchanging these whenever I felt uninspired to make music, and then when getting ideas, I'd go back to work on the song.

I spent the first 2 days on a version that I completely scrapped in a favor of a new idea. I eventually brought some elements back from the old project.

It just goes to say that reusing old ideas is a really good way to keep a smooth workflow. It was really useful to say "hey, I liked that, and I think I could bring it into my new project".

Anyway, another thing I realized is just how deeply intertwined your mental state is with your creative process. I don't have OCD or any obscene organization habits, but the way my project looked affected how I heard it. Knowing there were instruments that weren't being used made the project sound messy. Not using an instrument twice makes the instrument sound like it shouldn't be there, that it was a random, not purposeful choice.

My mental state has affected how I hear my music more than anything else, even how it sounds. I've only now realized that, and I think it may be because it's only now started happening to me. I try to remember back when I began music, and from everything I recall the state of my project was futile across the way I heard my music.

This is interesting because I don't think it applies to just music—I think that any art done on digital platforms can have this happen to the artists in the field.

I wish I could know where to begin, because I want to research into this. I know there's some connection between these things, something that no one has really talked about but everyone has experienced.

Anyway, aside from music (link to my song so far at the bottom) I've been doing some other things.

I finished my English course. English 12 isn't so hard, the writing requires the same skill level I have needed for past classes, and the only difference is the difficulty of the readings and prompts. The course focused on American texts, and also on current events in the US such as the protests or racial inequality—all kinds of politics, the stuff where I'd prefer to keep my opinion to myself. That was the most difficult part.

Now that I've finished, I have to take a test. That's the part I'm worried about. For one, I might run out of time, and that's my main worry. The second worry is that I can't go to the testing center. It's my only option, but I'm not allowed to go to public places right now. It's the same for the Demonstrated Competency Assessment, the one for Secondary Math 3, the one I've been preparing a lot for recently. If I'm not allowed to go to the testing center, then all the reviewing I've done recently will have been long gone when I am allowed. I don't understand why they don't have online options; plenty of students are taking these online courses, for the purpose that THEY ARE ONLINE. The final test being on site just annoys me.

I've recently watched some interesting things on YouTube, particularly some stuff about quantum computing, because it's interesting. I don't understand how superposition works, exactly. Is it just a postulate that we have to accept? Or is there defined proof for it? If there is, I can't find it, and not having that proof is what has kept me looking for it in several videos about quantum theory and superposition and entanglement.

I just don't understand. I know we've done tests that act as evidence for the phenomenon of quantum superposition, but I want to see a finite, mathematical or scientifical proof. Something that confines all the outcomes into some sort of function or combination of previously proved theories.

Anyway, that's been my week. Here's the track: https://www.soundcloud.com/alexsikeda/rival-cadmium-for-life-ft-marmy-asi-remix-wip/