Journal one

Happy father's day

June 21 2020:

Happy Father's Day everyone! My father wanted to go on a hike, but my mother warned us against that because of the pandemic. We stayed home while my dad went. Even in several months, it'll be weird going outside. I feel like everyone will look at each other differently, wary of each individual around them and wary about the virus.

Maybe that's to be expected, but I don't know, because this is the first pandemic I've lived through! I honestly have thought about some crazy things because of it—what if everyone in our neighborhood has already been infected, and we're the only ones who have not yet been exposed; what if that sickness that passed through our family in January was actually the virus, the one that missed half of our family. I mean, that last one is completely possible, because there are reports that coronavirus May have existed in the US a lot longer than it was said to.

There's a new remix competition, although it's for hip-hop genre beats. I'm still going to enter it, and hopefully what I'm making right now can, at the very least, barely constitute as hip-hop. The $2000 prize has got me thinking about everything I could do with that much money. $2000 could basically get me all of the music gear I'd need for life. For life. All I have to do is win one competition, and then I have all the tools I've ever wanted. If only it were that simple.

That mindset has also got me to be a great deal more frustrated and devastated when I don't win the competition, although that failure everntually morphs into motivation for me to go further and improve upon myself. I really hope one day I can just make music for a living. I can't imagine how other people enjoy other sorts of jobs as a full time thing. Sure, engineering, math, and other jobs are interesting, but how do they sustain and satiate one's hunger for entertainment and joy, especially in the long run? I can't imagine doing any of that for a living.

I've been going about this mindset that "it will happen" and "there's no way that the bad things could happen to me" and "I will succeed, how could I not?"

Hm. If I include a question mark within the parentheses, that eliminates the need for the final period, right? Even if it's not part of conversation? Or do you just try to not use question marks when quoting phrases that people might say? I can't believe I still don't have a complete knowledge of punctuation, at least in the most common situations.

That's the same mindset that people seem to have during this pandemic. "How could I get the virus?" They'd say.

Is that a bad mindset to have? Obviously, not everyone can have everything good happen to them. Is it good to be hopeful, or better to plan for the worst, and if the best comes, then to take it?

https://www.soundcloud.com/alexsikeda/cymatics-contest-v1

Anyway, I'm hoping that's considered hip-hop or one of its various subgenres. If not, I like how the song's going anyway, so I'll just have more freedom if it's not for the contest.

I

really

really

want to get some stuff soon. I'm apparently getting a keyboard around Black Friday, so that's an accomplishment. I say that the things I want right now are the "last large purchases", but of course, with around 50-80 years left in my left, it's not going to be. But isn't that the point of purchasing things? You can't limit yourself to buying nothing, because then you, well, can't buy anything. So really, it's not my last purchase. But it is one that I am sure of and have wanted for a few years now, so shouldn't that be reason enough?

If this isn't making sense, basically my parents are saying no to the three things I've been asking for quite some time. A desktop, a piano keyboard, and Serum by Xfer. Am I being unreasonable? If you think so, I will in no way be offended if you voice your opinion, I'm just looking for honesty.

I should probably start writing in my book again if I don't want to give up on it forever. I'm still not happy with the first chapter, even though it is quite an improvement, I think, from what I had before.

That's all I have for now. Thank you guys for listening!