Love and Bruises

Chapter 3

TW: SELF-HARM

SO.. SHIT?? I AM SO DUMB TO NOT USE TRIGGER WARNINGS BEFORE THIS CHAPTER, I AM REALLY REALLY SORRY :"(

THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF-HARM, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. I DO NOT CONDONE DOING SELF-HARM AND HAVE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE (BECAUSE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I HATE PHYSICAL PAIN)

I HOPE YOU'RE ALL FINE AND HEALTHY!!! STAY SAFE!! LOVE Y'ALL!!! ;*

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Slit after slit, Yamaguchi didn't even waste another second and just continued injuring himself, as if he's already numb from the pain, he did not stop. His pale skin looked even more pale and his wrist looked so battered with wounds and fresh blood gushing out of it. His vision becoming blurry every minute and eyes are puffed from crying all night. He's sitting in the corner of the bathroom, releasing his anger to himself.

"F*CKING USELESS UGLY PIECE OF SH*T!!" he madly yelled at himself as his cuts dug deeper in his skin.

It may sound painful but to him it's not anymore, he's so used to the pain that he went numb, the only pain he was feeling is in his heart. They're not in a relationship but it felt like hell when he saw Tsukki with another girl. He stopped hurting himself and weakly placed the razor in a box full of razors he used the last few years, some are already rusty and some are new but everything has blood in it, he tried to stand up with a blurry vision and hazy mind. His eyes are still puffy and can barely stand up with his trembling legs. He tried to take a step but ended up slipping with the blood on the floor, his face hitting the hard surface. He groaned in pain and let out a painful cry, though without the tears, it seemed that he had drained his eyes that no more tears came out. He cried again but with such a hoarse voice, no one can hear him.

He felt so weak and his breathing became uneven. In his condition, anyone can tell that he just wants to die and he is too weak to live another day.

Well.. aren't I always weak..?

He can barely lift his wounded arm and his mind is all blurry and dizzy, he has no clue what was happening in the moment, his eyes started getting droopy and his restless mind is now asking for a sleep. He slowly closed his eyes and let out a faint chuckle.

"I just hope I can die already.. I don't think I can live anymore.. please, mom, dad.. just please, take me with you" with such a weak and hoarse voice, he managed to still speak.

He chuckled again, but this time he felt a pang of pain in his chest. It was more painful than earlier, his arms were too weak to even grip it. He just stayed there, in the cold bathroom floor, almost lifeless and hopeless.

Just for the last time.. I wish Tsukki a happy life. Please, it's my last wish.

And with that thought in mind, he slowly succumed to the darkness.

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*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

Yamaguchi woke up to a dizzy feeling and the beeping sound beside him. He slowly opened his eyes but only to close them again as he was greeted by a blinding light. He tried again to open them and adjusted his eyesight, once adjusted he looked around.

His nose was struck with the faint smell of hospital disinfectants and medicine, it almost made him throw up. He looked beside him and saw where the beeping sound is coming, it was a life monitor.

A-Am I in the hospital? I thought I died? I failed?

His shoulders dropped and looked at his wrists, he saw clean bandages that are neatly wrapped around his arms, and wires injected in him. He tried sitting up the bed but was still too dizzy to do it, so, he plopped back to lying down. He then heared muffling sounds beside him and was surprised to see the tall blonde sleeping with his head down. He stiffened and heard the loud thumps of his heart, he then felt the loss of breathe and started panting heavily. He can also hear the beeping sounds went faster, and those sounds woke Tsukishima up. He looked at him in surprise and was about to talk to him when he heard the fast beeping of the monitor. He began to panic and called out a doctor.

"D-Doctor! We need a doctor here!" he yelled at the corridors.

Soon enough, doctors and nurses came running inside. They immediately checked his vital signs and ran some tests, while Tsukishima is nervously sitting on one of the couches inside. They asked some question and he answered them all truthfully with a hoarse voice, he still struggled to find words and his mind is still in a haze.

After the check ups, the doctors injected something in him that calmed his heart and made him sleepy. The doctor sighed and looked at Tsukishima, who was attentively looking at the sleeping Yamaguchi, and tapped his shoulders. Tsukkishima immediately looked at the doctor with his worried face.

"I-Is everything alright?" he asked, his tone not asking for an answer but for assurance.

"Let's discuss it outside" the doctor smiled and lead themselves outside, while a nurse stayed inside.

The doctor sighed and started explaining.

"His condition is worse than what we expected, though physically he's healing, mentally he's still not okay"

"After a week of running tests, we found out that he has been suffering from mild pnuemonia and and his heart is showing signs of CAD, we may still be in need of running more tests on him"

"His cuts in his arms are too deep that it might heal in a week or two and, possibly, leave a scar"

"Now, let's talk about his mental health.." the doctor sighed, which made Tsukishima worry even more.

"W-What's wrong? It's not.. bad.. isn't it?" he asked, sounding like he's assuring himself than asking a question.

The doctor shook his head.

"I'm not a psychiatrist but based on how deep his cuts are, it seems that he is suffering from severe depression, those cuts indicates that he already wants to end his life"

Those words struck Tsukkishima hard and his eyes started welling up. Little by little, tears started running down his face. He shook his head and wiped away his tears.

"T-That's not true" he said as he sniff and wipes his tears away.

The doctor calmed him down before continuing.

"And looking at his arm, I've also seen scars and bruises, looks like this is not the first time he tried to end his life. I've also seen some bruises and purple marks around his body that doesn't seem like he's the one who did those to himself"

"His physical wounds can heal, but I'm afraid that his mental state is all messed up and can not heal in time. I suggest, as a doctor, that you should see a psychiatrist for him after he gets discharged here. I can recommend great psychiatrists that can help him and I'll be the one to assist with his physical health"

He tapped Tsukishima's shoulders and gave him a worried look.

"I'm saying this not just as a doctor, but because I am also concerned. I have been a doctor in this hospital for years already, and his condition is the worse I've seen in all my suicidal patients"

Tsukkishima nodded.

"I see. Thank you, doc" and gave him a small smile.

"Excuse me, I have other patients to check" he said and left.

With nobody's presence around him, he let out a cry and felt as if his knees was just robbed of strength, he knelt down and let his tears flow out like a waterfall. He screamed in pain he's never felt before.

Pain of the possiblity of losing someone important.