Destiny

SIX

Ayumi

"You're ready to go Sir Matthew" I said as soon as I finish doing his necktie.

He looked at the mirror and inspect himself, as soon as he finish inspecting himself he checked his watch to know what time it is. 

"Is the car ready?" he asked me

"Yes sir Matthew, I'll accompany you to the car" 

"No need, I know how to go there myself" he said grabbing his things and started to walk to the door of his room.

"Okay sir"

But suddenly stopped, his back facing me while his head is looking at the side and said, "By the way, you don't have to prepare for my dinner tonight. I'll have my dinner outside with Nicole." My heart ache hearing what he just said but I miraculously maintain my composure and keep my emotions inside, "I understand" I simply said and he just walked out to the door not looking back at me. When I heard the door shut, I can feel myself crying again, just how many times I cried since the announcement of his engagement. Thanks for Miya hiding my puffy eyes using makeup.

Mahigit isang linggo na simula ng pangyayari na iyon at syempre heto ako mahigit isang linggo na ring umiiyak. I just can't stop thinking about it and I can't stop crying unless I have to go to work or everybody's gone especially Matthew, I don't want him to see me in that kind of state and the only person who always see me in that kind of state is Miya not even Lawrence. 

Sa totoo lang gustong gusto kong hindi sumuko pero may pumipigil sakin, halos gusto ko ng umiyak at magmakaawa sa harap nya na wag na ituloy yung engagement pero mag mumukha lang akong tanga at desperada at may part sakin na naniniwalang pagtatawanan nya lang ako once na gawin ko yon. So I act like I'm okay in front of him like it didn't bother me, I showed that I'm fine. 

.

.

Madalas ng wala sa mansyon si Matthew, kahit hindi nila sakin sabihin lalo na sila Lawrence at Miya alam ko naman at pinaparamdam naman sakin ni Matthew na si Nicole ang dahilan kung bakit sya madalang na lang sa mansyon. Mukhang gusto muna nilang magkamabutihan at makilala ang isa't isa bago magpakasal o baka matagal na silang nagkakilala ng hindi ko alam. 

Wow I'm sure I really look pathetic right now and if everyone knows my situation right now, I'm sure they'll take pity of me. 

At dahil madalang na lang sa mansyon si Matthew lagi na lang ako tumutulong sa ibang maid since busy din talaga ang lahat ngayon and gusto ko rin marami akong ginagawa para hindi ko na lang maisip kung anong ginagawa nilang dalawa, hindi ko kasi kaya yung mga naiisip lalo akong pinanghihinaan ng loob. Grabe na rin mag-alala sakin si Miya dahil para sa kanya masyado ko ng ino-overwork sarili ko hindi na daw sya magtataka one day mag fatigue ako sa ginagawa ko which is para sakin hindi naman pero dahil si Miya nga ang head maid kailangan namin sumunod inutusan nya akong magpahinga ngayong araw. So nandito ako sa kwarto naming dalawa ni Miya actually may sariling kwarto dapat ang head maid pero napapayag nya si Sir France na mag share kaming dalawa ng room. 

Kasalukuyan akong nakahiga at nakatulala lang sa kisame ng kwarto, wala akong magawa hindi rin naman ako makatulog baka mapanaginipan ko lang silang dalawa tapos paggising ko ano? umiiyak na naman ako? Pag gising naman ako ng ganito walang ginagawa nag ooverthink lang ako tapos iiyak, kaya mas gusto kong nagtatrabaho na lang eh nao-occupy ng trabaho isipan ko. Tapos pag nasa harap naman ako ng ibang tao lalo na kay Matthew kailangan kong magpanggap, kailangan kong umarte, kailangan kong iunder control yung emosyon at utak ko.