Mirror - 1D Fanfic

Chapter 18

< WARNING: TRIGGERING MATERIAL SUCH AS SELF HARM, SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION. >

" How could you?! With him!? " Niall shouted at me.

" Niall don't- " Liam started but was cut off by Lauren.

" No, he's right! How could you Chandler, you really are a whore! " she screamed at me storming upstairs.

I covered my ears, trying to block out their shouts, but I could still hear what they said.

I saw Niall follow Lauren. I looked at Liam who shook his head and went upstairs as well. I heard one more person leave and I hung my head in shame, not bothering to see who it was.

I cried again. The tears landed on my legs and I dropped my hands from my ears, hugging my knees to myself.

I felt someone sit beside me and I had the urge to see who it was, but then I realized they probably just wanted to bash me. I didn't look up.

" I-I don't think you're a whore." the person spoke.

I lifted my head slowly, already recognizing his voice. When my eyes met his blue ones, I felt my heart ache.

" Louis, I hurt you. " I whispered.

He shook his head. " I don't care. Just because you hurt me doesn't make you a whore. "

" I don't deserve your kindness." I said, looking down at the floor.

I felt his soft fingers slip
under my chin and gently turn my head so I was looking at him. I quickly averted my gaze.

" Look at me. " he whispered.

I shook my head. I couldn't. If I did, I would probably cry again. I hated crying, looking weak.

I felt something press against my lips and my eyes widened as I realized that it was Louis' lips. It took me a few seconds to react, but I eventually melted into the kiss.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek and he pulled away with a frown.

" Please don't cry. " he said, wiping the tear away.

I looked away with a pain in my heart and stood up.

" Louis I.... "

I couldn't explain what I wanted to say. I just couldn't form it into words. I sighed with frustration and looked back down at him.

" I'm sorry. " I whispered before walking silently up the stairs.

I quietly opened the door to Lou and Harry's room. Harry was sitting on the bed and gave me a pained look as I walked over to the mirror.

" I uh... I don't think I'll be coming back. " I said, my voice cracking.

He sighed and stood up before walking up to me and pulling me into a hug.

" Take care of yourself. " he whispered before letting me go.

I nodded and looked down before crossing over back to my home.

Kaitlyn was sitting on the bed, playing on her phone. When she saw me she gasped.

" Chandler what's wrong? "

I tried to sputter out a few words but failed and began crying all over again. She stood up and pulled me into her arms and we stood in our room like this for a long while.

~~~~~~

It was 3 a.m. and my mind was swirling with thoughts. I was the only one still awake and I was sitting in the living room.

I couldn't stop replaying Zayn's last words about me in my head.

" Chandler here has turned into a whore. That's why she is pregnant. "

I couldn't forget the way he smirked evilly before he said that. Then my mind drifted to Louis.

His blue eyes, his hair, his cute little smile....that I took away from him. I hadn't seen him smile in forever, and it was my fault.

I sighed and stood up, walking into the kitchen. I reached into a cabinet for a cup, but dropped it, causing glass to shatter everywhere.

Sudden anger filled me and I grabbed another cup, throwing it against the wall.

" FUCK YOU ZAYN!! " I screamed, throwing another one at the wall.

I picked up a shard of glass and stared at it before placing it at the top of my wrist. I dragged it all the way down to my elbow angrily as crimson liquid poured out.

I heard someone rushing down the stairs and I lost it. I collapsed on the floor. I was sitting in the glass, but right now I didn't give a shit.

I felt it digging into my legs and my hands and numb tears streamed down my face.

" Chandler, what the fuck?! " Lauren yelled.

I looked up at her and smiled.

" Happy now, Lauren?" I slurred my words.

I saw tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to step closer to me.

" NO!! YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE UPSET!! YOU HURT ME!! " I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I saw Kaitlyn and Paige appear at the door before I blacked out.

~~~~~~

I woke up in a hospital bed. I felt a sharp pain in my wrist and looked down to see my whole lower arm bandaged. I raised my eyebrow in confusion.

" You're awake! " I turned my head to see Kaitlyn.

She threw her arms around me and I weakly hugged her back.

" Where am I? " I whispered.

" A hospital..you tried to kill yourself last night... "

I sighed and looked down.

" The doctor diagnosed you with chronic depression and anxiety... he also said we might have to put you on suicide watch.. " she said quietly.

I groaned. " Fucking great. "

She sighed and laced her fingers into mine. " Why? " she whispered. " Why did you do it? "

I screwed my eyes shut. " I'm pregnant. " I whispered painfully.