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Vents / Journal

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Well I'm writing on this again so we all know it's peachy and well I've been working really hard to keep my dear friend happy but now that I know everything I thought was true is bullshit lies that she was ok and fine no she was fucking cutting and taking pills ounce more and now I feel so pathetic worthless stupid ignorant Nieve and so betrayed may she promised me that shed tell me if she started that shit again regardless of what was going on with me but she broke that promise and my heart by lieing to me for so long and I don't know what to do anymore I was working my ass off to get her a congratulations gift for being so strong and pushing past all that bullshit and stop taking pills and cutting but here we are she's been doing it for months now and now I don't even know if she ever stopped and I'm just so broken up about it and now what am I sopposed to do huf was right all along I can't fucking help there's no chance  I guess a lot of people were right I'm as stupid as can be sad excuse of an abomination of nature loser hell I'm even thinking that the worst one of them all is true no one will ever love you and if they say they do they just feel sorry for your pathetic ass it's not like I've been trying my hardest for months to get her that gift it's not like I've been having might mare after nightmare after nightmare about this and other things why does my joy have to be short lived why does the things I care the most about fall apart why do the people of whom I love lie to me so much  can I not be trusted do they just not care about me is anything I'm being told true or is it all just bull shit lies being fed to me because they feel bad or they want to make themselves feel better what ever it is I'm idk depressed again I guess and close to collapsed I gave everything into her and now it all just feels useless

July/26/2020

So it's been a while since I was Last here and a lot has happened my ribs are almost all better now I got locked out of wattpad but eh oh well. I even started to play dark souls 3 and I'm in love. But I was able to talk to imp and we got to know each other pretty well and we grew fawn of each other and so some time later just yesterday. I asked if she really did like me and said yes and so I thought to myself for a moment and realized that my feelings for her grew more then I expected and that I was still so lonely even with my friends. But she was lonely to and we both liked each other and wanted to starts a relationship. So I asked so do you really like me . She said yes I could tell she was as nervous as I was en so I began to studder and having to take a few pauses so I could calm down and say what I needed, but it all came out like a squeak I could barely understand myself . So I said so since I like you a lot and you like me a lot would you like to possibly starts a relationship with me . She quickly said yes and I thought this was a trick so I asked a few questions and she truthfully wanted to be with me after we where done talking I started to laugh and cry and felt so great about myself that I just accomplished something I never thought was possible but yet here I am young alive and with a spectacular girl and you know what I think I'm out of depression I think this could lead to a bright and happy future I feel beautiful for ounce I feel truly loved I feel wonderful