To Break

VI

When I was twelve, having a crush was a big thing. Everyone thought that the first person you ever had a crush on was meant to be the one you'd marry. I believed this too, which is why when I first realised I had a crush on someone, I freaked out.

My fingers hit the keys faster than they ever had before. It wasn't a fast piece that I was trying to play, although after my day I couldn't seem to play Fur Elise at its normal speed. I was playing it with the rhythm of my heart, after the realisation that I had a crush on Reece Parker.

It terrified me. Quinn had guessed my feelings at recess, then proceeded to convince me for the rest of the day at school that I was going to marry Reece.

Thankfully Reece didn't catch on to her constant teasing but noticed I was a bit off, so he invited himself over to my house to talk about whatever I had on my mind.

It wasn't an unusual occurrence; Reece and I were best friends and hung out almost every day. It was almost a trio between Reece, Quinn and I, although Quinn knew that Reece and I were closer. She didn't mind though, which was a good thing.

As I hit the second half of the song at full speed I heard the door open and close from the other end of the house. My family would be out all evening so I knew it could only be one person.

My heart pounded faster as I heard the footsteps approach the music room, equipped with the grand piano my parents had bought for my eighth birthday and the various other instruments my family played.

The door swung open without a knock just as the song ended, my fingers still and hovering over the black and white keys. I didn't face him though; I sat as if I were about to play again.

"Damn, Rainy. If you played Fur Elise any faster I think you'd break the piano."

Ah, the voice of my crush. I smiled at it before putting my fingers to the keys again, playing a tune I knew softly.

I heard the click of the door closing and the footsteps coming towards me. Only a moment later a black-haired boy sat on the stool beside me, nearly a head taller. I glanced up to him, his ever present smile lighting his face despite the worry in his eyes that contradicted it.

"So," he started, nudging me playfully. "What's up? And don't tell me that nothing is because I'm not stupid."

I faltered the next note before stopping all together. My green eyes moved up to his as I took a deep breath. "I have a crush on someone."

His reaction was one that now, I look back on with amusement. But back then, it was one that had my stomach drop like it would on a rollercoaster. Reece's eyes were wide with horror and his lips had parted open in shock, as if he had just seen a monster.

"Who is it?" He asked with the dramatics of a twelve year old that he was, turning on the stool to look at me head on. I turned to match, although crossed my legs on the seat for comfort.

I didn't want to tell him. He was shocked enough that I had formed one of those horrid things that married me to someone automatically. He didn't need me to go and tell him who it was.

"No one," I muttered lamely, playing with the ends of my dark braids, almost reaching my waist now. I averted my gaze to my lap, not wanting to see his reaction.

Unfortunately, Reece didn't have the same plans. He slid his rough fingers under my chin and lifted it up so that my eyes were looking into his.

"Come on, Princess," he breathed with a small smile. "You can tell me anything."

I bit my lip and shook my head, taking his hand from under my chin to instead keep it in my hand. His hand was coarse in texture from playing outside, the complete opposite of my soft, delicate fingers.

"Would it help if I told you that I have a crush too?" He asked. My eyes whipped up in an instant and I tilted my head in curiosity.

"Yeah. I know, right? Who would've thought." Reece rubbed his hand over his defined chin before placing it over my hands, which were now encompassed in both of his. His voice was almost nervous, much like mine was, and for a moment I wondered if it could be me.

But who was I kidding? This was Reece Parker. Almost all the girls had a crush on him. Especially Hannah Stark, the prettiest girl in year 6 who was by far the best option for Reece.

"I have to say that does surprise me," I said with a sigh. No doubt his crush would be for Hannah. They would end up married with beautiful children and soon he would forget about me.

His unexpected laugh rang through the room, snapping me out of my thoughts. He continued laughing for a minute until he calmed down before saying, "Rainy. You're twelve. You don't have to talk like your talking to your parents."

"I know," I said, a frown etched onto my face. "It's just hard to break habits, you know? This is how I was raised to speak. All those novels Mumma gave me to read. They just kind of rubbed off on me."

The skin around his eyes crinkled with a smile as he peered down at me. "I know and that's one of the reasons I have a crush on you. You're so... grown up."

Wait, what?

My eyes widened even more at the news and it was clear on Reece's face that he didn't mean for that to come out.

"No no no. I mean, yes. I do. But that's not how I... Uh... Um-". His stuttering was such that I had to laugh. Perhaps my laugh was torture to him - prolonging the secrets of my thoughts - but I couldn't help it. At least I made up for it when I settled.

"You worry too much," I told him, squeezing one of his hands in reassurance. "Because really, all of year six has a crush on you. Do you really think I'd be any exception to that?"

The relief on his face mirrored what I felt when he'd made his slip, and we both ended up laughing again.

"Well," Reece said, standing up and pulling me with him. "I guess that means we're going to get married when we're older."

"Is that a proposal?" I asked, a cheeky grin lighting my features.

"Pfft," he scoffed, linking his arm through mine and leading me out of the room. "When I do propose, you won't have to ask that question."

At the time I truly believed we would wind up married, sitting grey-haired on deck chairs as our grandchildren ran about in the yard.

It still hurts to think of, especially when I have the boy I thought I'd marry slouched up against the walls of a farm house past twelve on a winters night, ignoring me as if none of that had ever happened. As if there was never a friendship between us.

I shiver and huddle deeper into my coat, just waiting for the night to pass whether I have my toes and fingers or not.

The time drags on, although I'm sure it's just because I'm not doing anything. They say 'time flies when you're having fun', hence the reason it's crawling along with the speed of a snail.

I try to keep my mind from the thoughts of my past; of anything that will tear open the internal wound even more. Reece plucked at the stitches whilst trying to get me to speak. I know if I think about anything even remotely damaging, the small, broken wound will turn into a gaping hole, unable of being repaired.

That is my main problem with Reece Parker.

A million feelings. A thousand thoughts. A hundred memories. All for one person.

All for the man who I want to hate most.

All for my old best friend.

All for my first crush.

All for him.

For Reece.