Speak & Listen

History

HISTORY

At least I had something to look forward to on my junior year: Ben and Gabriel, my two bullies had left for college. The worst part of it is thinking of how not to crush on someone else this year. That part was beyond my control.

I lived with my mom, who was always in and out of the house. She worked in a bakery and we lived in a mid-class residential area with only dogs as neighbourhood friends. Sophia, my only friend, lived outside of town.

I own a Polo classic since last year. It was a gift for my sixteenth birthday from dad, who never visits unless necessary. He got remarried and moved out of the city. My mother had been single ever since.

It was the first day of school. Usually, I drove with a little bit of Feist's rock tunes in the background, usually. I thought rock tunes made me feel cool, although I knew that was far from true. But that day, I played the sad strums of Elena Tonra as I drove to school in an abnormally slow speed. I parked at the lot when I arrived and Sophia was already outside waiting for me. She has gotten much 'fatter' during the winter year-end vacation, just didn't notice that it was this hazardous. Yes, I was body-shaming my own friend.

"Bestie!" She screamed as I closed the car door, locking the car afterwards.

She attacked me with a hug. The Sophia I knew always had a pretzel every morning.

"Hey." I smiled at her, although I felt like warning her about the damage the pretzel might have on her...never mind.

One of the best things about Sophia...she's stubborn. A feminist, yet terrible at practising it. She didn't deserve judgement for the kind of person she was: feminine, curious yet weak in the hands of men and unwise on the institution of romance. She was stubborn for all the right reasons, which was beneficial the day I came out.

Sophia had been babbling ever since the parking lot. "...And then there's Ryan...oh my word, he's super cute. And guess what?"

I wanted to hear less of her fake valley-girl accent. However, it was good for once not to receive unsolicited pressure from my friend. She would always remind me of my celibacy and how it would 'leave me lonely one day'. I believed her.

"What?" I responded sombrely.

"He liked my photo on Insta. The one I was sweaty in? Hunting trip with Carmichael? ...Oh my god, he left a comment...look!"

I pretended to look at the comment section below the picture, but honestly I just wanted silence for my first day as a junior.

"Yay?" My eyebrow furrowed.

"Yay! C'mon, I have to ask for his number after English class."

I stood and looked at her as she hopped off, barely noticing that I wasn't walking with her anymore. Her bravery sometimes crept me out. And yes, I did believe she would go up to Ryan Hunter and ask for his number.

School was never my best-loved thing, although I was frequently the first to arrive and happen to be one of the most academic excelling students in the entire school. But I wasn't known for being smart. I was known for anything but that.

So I couldn't keep track of time when I was in school. It all felt like blurs of memories passing by.

"And why don't you pick someone from school? I mean there are plenty of fish in the sea?" She looked at me as I drove out of the lot. It was afterschool already. My feet were killing me.

"Mine are limited, or probably not there yet." I spoke through my teeth, feeling a bit embarrassed. She knew I despised the topic.

"Honey, you know what I say...you make your own fish." We sang the last part together.