The ghost of him

Chapter 15

March 15th. The one-month-anniversary of the shooting. The school is doing a memorial, and everyone who attended that school is welcome, even if they don't go there anymore, like me.

They would want me there, the principal and all, seeing as I'm the one who stopped it, but I'm not sure I want to go. I'd rather go visit Aaron's grave and grieve that way. I know mom said not to go, but I don't ever listen to her.

I've been seeing Aaron a lot lately. Driving, walking, in my room. The one time I saw him at the grocery store. But when I turned around, no one was there. I'm still trying to figure out what he wants. What I want. If he's trying to kill me like I think, or I'm just being paranoid, and this is how I'm grieving.

I rub my eyes as I slide out of bed. I get dressed and head downstairs, ready to go out. I have to go visit him today. It's the anniversary of the shooting, and with everything going on, I have to.

I make breakfast first. I pour a little bit of cereal into the bowl with some milk and eat it as I stare at the box. I do the mini puzzles on the back for the kids to do. It's what I always do when I eat cereal. They're pretty easy because they're for kids, but I do them anyway.

Mom comes down and grabs her cereal and a bowl, and sits down next to me. "Good morning." She says to me as she pours her cereal.

"Morning," I say, because it isn't a good morning, it's just a morning.

She looks at me, concerned. She puts her hand on my shoulder. "I didn't think you'd be up," She says. "Considering it is the one-month anniversary."

"I'm okay. It's not bothering me that much." I eat a spoonful of my cereal. "I was going to go out today," I say with confidence.

"Oh. To the school's memorial?" she actually sounds like she wants me to go, which is so unlike her.

"Yeah." Of course, I can't tell her I want to go to the cemetery, she'd say no immediately.

"Oh...are you sure? I mean-" She rubs her arm and looks at me nervously. Okay, I should have known better. Her actually let me go out? Ha.

"Yeah. They'd want me there." I take a spoonful of my cereal.

"I know, but you being back at the school...It might be a trigger for you, and I don't really want you back there."

"But why-"

"Because I said so."

I hate when parents give you that line. It's not even a valid reason, and they say it because they don't have a valid reason.

We eat the rest of our cereal in silence. I eat mine angrily. I'm upset I can't go, and she doesn't even have a valid reason. I don't care. I'm going anyway.

When I'm done with my cereal, I go upstairs and hang for about an hour, just so she doesn't get suspicious. When she's distracted doing whatever, I sneak downstairs. I grab the keys off the hook and sneak outside to the car. I hop in and start the engine, and peel away before mom can yell at me.

"Oh, I almost forgot." I grab my phone and turn off the location so mom can't track me. "There. Now I'm safe."

***

It's dark and cloudy when I get to the cemetery. I park the car alongside the road and walk along the trail, trying to remember where his grave is. I go through rows and rows until I finally find it. There he is, right next to his grandparents. I read the tombstone again: 'AARON J. WELLS; Beloved son'
Ugh. Still hate that.

I stopped on the way and got some flowers. Tulips because blue was his favorite color. Plus, they're his mom's favorite. I place them right in front of the tombstone.